Resolutions
December 31st, 2006, Midnight. He was supposed to call, but the phone never rang. She waited until she couldn't stay awake anymore, as the sun was already turning the sky from black to grey. She waited the next day, counting each hour as it moved past without his call. Morning, afternoon, day, evening, night and... It was nearly the following midnight before the call came, and even then he could find little to say aside from how much fun he was having. Without her.
It was not the first broken promise from him or another. Was not the first lonely night she had spent. Was not even the first time she had spent the changing of the year in tears and sorrow, wishing she knew how to change things, change whatever it was about herself that drew these men to her. The ones who saw her only as a thing, only saw her for what they could get from her, the ones who hurt and abused (or even only neglected) her.
The idea had come to her in those early hours after she waited for the promised call. As the following day passed, the idea formulated itself into a plan. She was nearing 30 years old, this was her 29th New Years Eve spent alone and miserable. The 29th year that she spent pining, throwing herself after what she was coming to accept as an impossible dream.
Love. It shouldn't be so elusive, so impossible, should it? It shouldn't be so hard, so painful, so hard to imagine. So hard to find... She had lived her life by the ideal that, one day, she would achieve this dream, this worthiest of goals. But as this 29th year went past, she had to wonder what the point was, and if it was worth it.
As midnight came closer she made the decision, her resolution. Another year like the others would not pass. If the following, her 30th New Years Eve went by in the same way as all the others, if another year ended and she had not found love, it would end.
At midnight of December 31, 2007 were to pass as this and all the previous had... She would kill herself. No more dreams, no more ideals, no hopes... She would let it all go, she would die rather than continue this cycle for the rest of her existence, the rest of her life afterward. A life without hope, without dreams, wasn't worth living.
Until then, she would live. She would LIVE. With a year left of her life, she would have no fear, no hesitation, she would indulge every fantasy, ever whim and fancy. For this last year (and she fully believed it to pass as the others had) she would have no reservations, no inhibitions.
The intention was to die the following New Years Eve with only one regret... That she had never achieve her dearest, most closely held dream of finding Love.
So the question is... What would you do if you only had a year left to live?
It was not the first broken promise from him or another. Was not the first lonely night she had spent. Was not even the first time she had spent the changing of the year in tears and sorrow, wishing she knew how to change things, change whatever it was about herself that drew these men to her. The ones who saw her only as a thing, only saw her for what they could get from her, the ones who hurt and abused (or even only neglected) her.
The idea had come to her in those early hours after she waited for the promised call. As the following day passed, the idea formulated itself into a plan. She was nearing 30 years old, this was her 29th New Years Eve spent alone and miserable. The 29th year that she spent pining, throwing herself after what she was coming to accept as an impossible dream.
Love. It shouldn't be so elusive, so impossible, should it? It shouldn't be so hard, so painful, so hard to imagine. So hard to find... She had lived her life by the ideal that, one day, she would achieve this dream, this worthiest of goals. But as this 29th year went past, she had to wonder what the point was, and if it was worth it.
As midnight came closer she made the decision, her resolution. Another year like the others would not pass. If the following, her 30th New Years Eve went by in the same way as all the others, if another year ended and she had not found love, it would end.
At midnight of December 31, 2007 were to pass as this and all the previous had... She would kill herself. No more dreams, no more ideals, no hopes... She would let it all go, she would die rather than continue this cycle for the rest of her existence, the rest of her life afterward. A life without hope, without dreams, wasn't worth living.
Until then, she would live. She would LIVE. With a year left of her life, she would have no fear, no hesitation, she would indulge every fantasy, ever whim and fancy. For this last year (and she fully believed it to pass as the others had) she would have no reservations, no inhibitions.
The intention was to die the following New Years Eve with only one regret... That she had never achieve her dearest, most closely held dream of finding Love.
So the question is... What would you do if you only had a year left to live?