"I want to know if you are happy now. If what you have put yourself through, the torture, anger, fighting way that has changed you, was it worth it? Are you happy
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you're breaking my heart over here!! i hate reading that, but i also understand that if you really feel that way, people need to respect it, respect you for wanting something better, rather than just accepting where you've ended up for, i bet, mostly other people's reasons.
it's hard to change, but here's the trick -- starting with the smallest things, internally and externally. you have to accept that getting yourself happy is a cumulative thing...an end result of a lot of smaller, almost insignificant decisions, ways of thinking, etc. you have to decide that you can do whatever you want, you just have to start with the most basic building blocks. it's scary, but pretty soon it becomes fun, because like learning anything new -- you're learning what you're capable of, and that's pretty amazing. my first weird suggestion:
do some writing. not just any writing -- write about what you DON'T want to write about. i just did this the other day, and felt amazing afterwards. i wrote for an hour and a half about my "most ridiculous fantasy that could possibly come true" and i just completely indulged the girliest, lamest, most story-book retarded side of myself (which i constantly deny even exists) and once i was done, i was amazed at how liberated i felt. pick something about yourself you hate talking/thinking about...and write about it. honestly. see what happens. go from there! BRITT I'M HERE FOR YA.
you're breaking my heart over here!! i hate reading that, but i also understand that if you really feel that way, people need to respect it, respect you for wanting something better, rather than just accepting where you've ended up for, i bet, mostly other people's reasons.
it's hard to change, but here's the trick -- starting with the smallest things, internally and externally. you have to accept that getting yourself happy is a cumulative thing...an end result of a lot of smaller, almost insignificant decisions, ways of thinking, etc. you have to decide that you can do whatever you want, you just have to start with the most basic building blocks. it's scary, but pretty soon it becomes fun, because like learning anything new -- you're learning what you're capable of, and that's pretty amazing. my first weird suggestion:
do some writing. not just any writing -- write about what you DON'T want to write about. i just did this the other day, and felt amazing afterwards. i wrote for an hour and a half about my "most ridiculous fantasy that could possibly come true" and i just completely indulged the girliest, lamest, most story-book retarded side of myself (which i constantly deny even exists) and once i was done, i was amazed at how liberated i felt. pick something about yourself you hate talking/thinking about...and write about it. honestly. see what happens. go from there! BRITT I'M HERE FOR YA.
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