Full Moon Affirmation
I feel like a rabid beast, caught in a steel-jaw-trap. I just don't know which of my limbs to bite off to get me out of this horror.
I feel trapped. That much is now evident to even the most cursory reader.
I've been virtually incommunicado for far too l ong. My headphones don't work with my new phone. But speakerphone doesn't help. It's something about my ears and head. The headphones hurt after a short time. The sound of just about anything coming over any phone makes a painful buzz in my ears. I don't know why. It's like a hot wire through my skull. I hate it.
It's hurts to write, of course, and to type, and sometimes to read.
I hate it.
But, more, I hate the hate. I hate the whitehot surge of rage and agony that boils through my veins.
I hat its frustrated, impotent targetlessness. I can't direct it at myself, of course. It's neither my choice nor my fault. Nor can I direct it at the Universe. It accomplishes nothing and the cost is too great. Neither do I desire to spend my days steeped in, of all things, hate. I refuse.
And so, I endeavor to transmute these feelings. To use the Energy in other ways...because Energy is Energy, right?
What I need is to turn the molten steel of my rage and my hatered into a blade that can sunder the chains of my pain.
What I need is to reach out when, I feel trapped to let others in when I feel most alone.
I'm strong enough to survive torture and abuse. I'm strong enough to live with this disease, this injury and this pain. that makes me strong enough to change self-injurious habits, even when I am uncertain and afraid. that makes me strong enough to find solutions, even when they are not obvious or seem unattainable. That makes me strong enough...period.
So Mote It Be.
I feel trapped. That much is now evident to even the most cursory reader.
I've been virtually incommunicado for far too l ong. My headphones don't work with my new phone. But speakerphone doesn't help. It's something about my ears and head. The headphones hurt after a short time. The sound of just about anything coming over any phone makes a painful buzz in my ears. I don't know why. It's like a hot wire through my skull. I hate it.
It's hurts to write, of course, and to type, and sometimes to read.
I hate it.
But, more, I hate the hate. I hate the whitehot surge of rage and agony that boils through my veins.
I hat its frustrated, impotent targetlessness. I can't direct it at myself, of course. It's neither my choice nor my fault. Nor can I direct it at the Universe. It accomplishes nothing and the cost is too great. Neither do I desire to spend my days steeped in, of all things, hate. I refuse.
And so, I endeavor to transmute these feelings. To use the Energy in other ways...because Energy is Energy, right?
What I need is to turn the molten steel of my rage and my hatered into a blade that can sunder the chains of my pain.
What I need is to reach out when, I feel trapped to let others in when I feel most alone.
I'm strong enough to survive torture and abuse. I'm strong enough to live with this disease, this injury and this pain. that makes me strong enough to change self-injurious habits, even when I am uncertain and afraid. that makes me strong enough to find solutions, even when they are not obvious or seem unattainable. That makes me strong enough...period.
So Mote It Be.