A note to all the trendsetters
I am not, I would say, the slimmest young chicken on the block. I have lost at least a good ten kilos this year and am still going. I am now a size 12 but still have work to do. I have, for my own sake and the general public, learned a few fashion 'faux pas' to avoid until construction is completed.
For example, my arms do not go on display as I don't want to knock out a small child with my 'tuckshop lady' arms or as they call them here, 'bingo wings.'
Skinny jeans. Only for skinny people. My ankles might look great in them, but my upper thighs don't. Nuff said.
But there seems to be a disease spreading through out town that is both ridiculous and morally offensive. Only the english. The poor buggers only get a little bit of summer every year and even that, for what I seen while being here, would cower in shame and pee itself if placed next to say, oh randomly, the australian summer. So I'm guessing that they try and hold onto it for as long and possible. But, ahh you see, it 's getting colder. Thus, a new outfit, a mixture of both seasons, is born- - the mini shorts/ tights look. Or as I like to term it, 'shites.'
SHITES- The Issue(s)
1. You look ridiculous. The tights are long. Why not wear just wear long pants or three quarter pants? You technically are anyway. You're just colder. And also look like an extra from the movie Fame. Or a dancer. Which is ok if you ARE dancer and just coming from a dance class but I know that you aren't because I just saw you coming out of Tesco's.
2. The people who tend to favour this look are the exact people who should NEVER be seen in anything with the words micro, mini or tiny in the title. Your shorts are too small, your legs are too large. But more importantly, YOUR SHORTS ARE TOO SMALL. They have actually disappeared in between your thighs. The thread bare edges are in your uterus. Your vagina is wearing a pair of shorts. Perhaps they think this problem is cancelled out by the fact that they are wearing tights underneath their underpants shorts. Newsflash: I can still see your legs, they are just a little more prominent due to the fabric that is stretched so tightly across them. I can still see that your thighs meet at the top of your legs( and lets be honest everyone's do but the difference is most of us want to hide this fact from the general public). In fact, I can hear the noise they make from rubbing together standing at least 10 yards behind you.
So please, I beg of you, followers of this SHITE trend, put it away. No-one wants to see what you ate for breakfast hanging from between your legs. Use the money you are wasting replacing your holey tights to buy yourself a decent pair of jeans.
And will someone PLEASE buy me a bib, cos grandma broere is dribbling.