Inevitably
Inevitably
Authors: meluvminnie & jaceni
Pairing: Jaemin
Rating: PG 15
Genre: Angst, Romance, Fluff, AU
Summary: College life was boring until his new roommate appeared. He was never attracted to guys before, but there was just something about Changmin…
Confessing to someone is never easy, but realizing the attraction in the first place can be harder; especially if you’re a guy also.
Disclaimer: Don’t own anything and similarities to any other plot are coincidental. Sorry if that’s the case and please let us know ^_^
A/N: Jaejoong’s POV - Jaceni, Changmin’s POV - Meluvminnie.
****
Changmin crawled towards him carefully, with a small pout on his pink lips. Jaejoong’s heart started beating franticly and thousands of thoughts crossed his mind. Some of which were; ‘Why is he crawling towards me like that,’ ‘He looks like a feline stalking its prey,’ ‘How come I can’t look away or move for that matter,’‘What is he doing?’ All of these questions went unanswered, but he decided that at least one of them would be.
“W-what are you doing?” He didn’t mean to stutter, but his nerves were getting the best of him.
Changmin ignored his question and only leaned closer, their noses brushed together, and Jaejoong’s nerves sky rocketed. ‘And here I thought my heart couldn’t beat any faster.’
He was still dazed because of Changmin’s unusual behavior and confused as to where all of this was going.
Unexpectedly, Changmin blew a puff of air into his face while grinning and that managed to knock a reaction out of him that didn’t involve his heart trying to escape.
“Yah! You have NO respect for your Hyung at all!”
He thought Changmin was going to move off him, but then he tripped and lost his footing. There was full body impact, with lips only inches away, and Jaejoong couldn’t really think of anything except how delicious Changmin’s lips looked centimeters away from his. He stared at Changmin intensely, noticing that the younger man’s breath hitched a little, and forgot about the rest of the world. Heart never ceasing its erratic beat and as if in a trance, he slowly approaches those delicious looking lips with only one goal in mind; to taste them.
When he made contact he felt a small electrical current run through his body. Never had he felt this feeling before. He’s kissed other people before, but this feeling was new to him. As he increases the lip contact from a brush of lips to slight pressure he absent mindedly thinks, ‘Mmm…tastes like cherry and mint, my favorite combination.’
He got lost in the feeling and both of them didn’t move an inch. The only movement was light pressure of lips and a small swipe of a tongue across pliant lips.
The door slammed open, but went unheard by the kissing couple.
A voice he knew all too well shouted, “YAH! What are you guys doing!?” startling both men on the bed.
Quickly he pushed Changmin to the side and heard him land on the floor with an ‘umpf’. He looked down at where Changmin landed and noticed that he was alternating between rubbing his right elbow and rear end. ‘How did we even end up on the bed?’ He calmly wonders before panic sets in.
‘Oh fuck.’
‘What just happened!’
‘How am I going to explain this?’
‘Wasn’t the door locked?!’
He stares at Yunho and takes in his friend’s appearance. Yunho seems to be working since he’s still wearing his uniform, which is just basically a red collared shirt with the dorm’s gold eagle logo printed small on the left side of his chest and dark black jeans. He’s hanging to the door frame as if he’s about to faint and seems to have a white knuckle grip to prevent his fall. Golden brown hair lightly spiked, mouth hanging open in shock and eyes that are just as wide (even the black squared glasses he’s wearing look small compared to how wide his eyes are) complete the image of his friend of six years, best friend.
Closing his mouth, a disbelieving look still in his eyes, Yunho asks again more calmly “What were you guys doing?” Yunho makes his way into the dorm room to sit at one of the desk chairs since it seemed his energy was rapidly leaving.
“I-I-I…” ‘Oh my god, why can’t I think of anything!’
Changmin suddenly speaks up, “Oh, look at the time. I…have somewhere else to be. Bye!” He had sneakily been inching his way to the door and as soon as he reached it dashed outside, out of sight.
‘I can’t believe he left me!’
Yunho clears his throat, clearly still waiting for an explanation.
Jaejoong turns his despaired gaze towards Yunho, he had been staring at the now closed door that Changmin left from, and tries to explain what happened.
“Well…you see…he tripped…landed on me…lips kind of touched…hahaha,” Nervous laughter escaped him at the end of his broken explanation.
“Are you gay?” Yunho asks with a serious look.
“W-what?” He asks, confused as to why Yunho would ask him that question. When it clicks it’s more of a headache than he would’ve liked.
‘Am I gay? I’ve never thought of a guy before the way I think of Changmin. Does that make me gay? But I could have sworn I liked girls. Sure, I’ve never felt the way I did when I kissed Changmin, but it could all be in my head. What if I am bi? What about Changmin? Is he gay?’
Even though he’s been observing Changmin more closely this past month he really doesn’t know. Changmin isn’t exactly a social butterfly and can be often found in their dorm room. He hasn’t really opened up until recently. All he really knows is that he can make Changmin blush with a few teasing remarks, can make him smile when he’s feeling down, and provides Changmin with social interaction (even if sometimes it’s a bit forced).
‘What must he be thinking about me now?’
Yunho gets tired of the vacant expression Jaejoong tends to get when thinking too hard and snaps him out of it. “YAH! Answer the question will ya, I don’t have time to waste.”
“I really don’t know. I thought I was straight, but the feelings I experienced with Changmin are very different from what I’ve experienced in the past. Not that five times is considered much experience. Yunho, what should I do? How can I find out if I’m gay?”
‘Maybe I should be asking how I can find out what it is that I’m experiencing with Changmin?’
Yunho releases an exasperated sigh, and then he says, “Why are you asking me? Out of our little group it appears that I’m the only straight one. I can’t believe I walked in on that. I almost had a heart attack! Six years and apparently I still don’t know you. You should ask Yoochun or Junsu about that, since they have experience in that department.”
Jaejoong ponders that for a second and decides that he’ll have to have a visit with Yoochun, since Junsu always tires him out with the amount of energy he has.
Yunho gets up from his seat near the desk and says, “I can’t believe you distracted me from my task! I came here to tell you guys that there’s going to be a dorm meeting next week to discuss some neighbor complaints. I’ll be reminding you again the day of, since I know you forget. Tell Changmin that, since that coward left already. I’ll make sure to knock in future, since I really don’t want to have another almost heart attack. Also, lock the door to prevent future interruptions.” With a smirk on his face, Yunho left.
Jaejoong was still recovering from the embarrassment that last sentence left, and tried not to imagine what could be classified as ‘future interruptions.’ Besides, he still needs to figure out what this thing with Changmin is.
Well, all he can do now is wait for Changmin to get here so that they can discuss ‘the kiss’. He hopes that everything will turn out alright.
****
I widened my eyes at the yell and the next thing I knew I was on the floor, courtesy of Jaejoong. I scowled and rubbed my right elbow and butt in pain, glaring at him.
I unconsciously glare at the intruder who looks like he’s about to faint and has a tight grip on the door frame. Golden brown hair lightly spiked, mouth hanging open in shock and eyes that are just as wide (even the black squared glasses he’s wearing look small compared to how wide his eyes are). And for the second time that day, I scowled and looked away, pouting.
Closing his mouth, a disbelieving look still in his eyes, Yunho asks again more calmly “What were you guys doing?” Yunho makes his way into the dorm room to sit at one of the desk chairs since it seemed his energy was rapidly leaving.
“I-I-I…” Jaejoong stutters, eyes wide and hands trembling.
I spoke up hoping to clear the awkward atmosphere, “Oh, look at the time. I…have somewhere else to be. Bye!” I sneakily inched my way to the door and as soon as I reached it I dashed outside, out of sight.
I pant a bit, chest heaving slightly when I ran a block away. I always knew I wasn’t a runner. I heaved a sigh when I thought of what happened back in my room. Just by thinking of it makes my heart skip a beat. Jaejoong had kissed me. Why? Was he in love with me? No, that will never happen. Jaejoong isn’t gay… is he? Was he just playing with me?
I shook my head and knocked on the familiar, white door, tears coming to my eyes. I sighed, willed the tears away and leaned my back on the wall.
“Hey,” I tried to smile when the door opened.
Junsu rolled his eyes but stopped when he saw the pained look in my eyes. “Hey, Min.” It looked like he was about to ask why I looked so lifeless when Yoochun came, “Junsu! What’s taking you so - Min?”
I smiled at them, which made my eyes mismatched. Though all three of us knew it was fake. “Can I come in?”
Yoochun nods and smacks Junsu in the head, turning to me and smiles. “Of course, Min-ah!”
Junsu grumbled, glaring at him but Yoochun ignored him. I make my way inside and sat on the chair, twirling around and they sat on the bed staring at me.
“So,” Junsu bit his lips, “Why are you here?”
“Ow!” Junsu yells in agony as he was pushed off the bed, landing on his butt with an “Oof”. “What the hell? What did you do that for!?”
Yoochun glares at him, “Stop being so inconsiderate and help for once!”
Junsu protests, “I do help! Chunnie!” He whines.
I watched them bicker with an amused look on my face. Was this what couples do? Though I hate to admit it, their bickering was kind of cute.
Yoochun looks at me, “What were you thinking, Min-ah?”
I smile. “Nothing.”
Junsu gives me a look, “Liar.”
“Says the person who lied to his lover that he needed to study so that he could watch his game,” I replied.
“WHAT?!” Yoochun yells. “You said you were studying for finals!”
“I-I was! I swear I don’t know what he was talking about, Chunnie!” He turns to me discreetly, while Yoochun was fuming with anger, and hisses, “You promised you wouldn’t tell.”
I smirk, “I lied.”
He glares at me.
“Chunnie baby~ It was the finals…” He tries.
“Oh, so your game is more important than your own lover?” Yoochun’s glare hardened.
“N-no! Of course not!” Junsu tried giving him puppy dog eyes. He whimpers, “You know that right Chunnie? I love you, you know?” He rubbed Yoochun’s thighs with his head like a puppy.
“You love me more than you’re stupid game right?” Yoochun asks.
Junsu twitched at the word ‘stupid’ but nodded.
“Then stop watching it.”
Junsu looked shocked, “Wh-what?”
“You heard me” He looked smug.
“B-But… Chunnie! You can’t just tell me what to do!” Junsu shrank back in fear at the murderous aura his lover gave out.
“What did you just say Kim Junsu?” Yoochun gritted his teeth. He was going to castrate him if he said something stupid.
“I said that - Well, you look beautiful today, baby.” Junsu winks.
Yoochun blushed a bit, “T-thanks - Yah! Don’t change the subject!”
“But you do.” He purrs, wrapping his arms around Yoochun’s waist.
“J-Junsu…”
I cleared my throat loudly and they jumped in shock and surprise. I raised my eyebrow. Did they seriously forget that I was here? “I’m still here you know.”
Yoochun looked sheepish while Junsu glared at me.
“Sorry Min.” The eldest mutters.
“It’s fine.” I say. I expect them to believe me and tried to hide the jealousy in my voice. But I must have given out something because they narrowed their eyes and pulled me into a hug.
“It’s about Jaejoong, isn’t it?” I widened my eyes. Was I that obvious?
They chuckled. “Pretty much.”
I scowl, “Then he must know about it… right?”
Junsu shook his head, “Nah. Hyung can be pretty dense sometimes.”
I laugh. “Figured.” But why did he kiss me? Just the mere thought of his lips on mine made me blush like a school girl. I bowed my head hoping they wouldn’t see it.
They must’ve seen it since they grinned and squeezed me tighter. “Aw, Minnie’s blushing!” Yoochun teased.
“Am not!” I protest. “GAH! Hyungs! Stop!”
Junsu grins, “Nope! Now tell us more about what you said earlier.”
“What did I say earlier?” I asked confused, between my giggles.
“You said Jaejoong kissed you.” Yoochun answers.
I froze. Shit. I’ve got to stop saying things aloud.
“So, is it true?” Junsu asks, eyes wide with curiosity.
“Uh… I-I… yes?” It was more of a question than an answer. Luckily, they understood.
“Kya~!! I knew Jaejoong would do it sooner or later!” Yoochun squealed.
Junsu scoffed but smiled, “About time. You know, he wouldn’t stop thinking of you. He talks about you all the time, it’s getting really annoying. And he said he doesn’t love you, which is so not true.”
“Thanks? I guess…”
“No problem,” Yoochun grinned.
Love me? That was impossible. Who would love me? No one would... no one would love me. Especially not Jaejoong.
Yoochun gave me a look, “Look Min. You’re a great guy. Don’t beat yourself up. He loves you. He practically worships the ground you walk on. He’s obsessed, like really. He’s just in denial. If he hurts you, I’ll beat him up okay?”
“Thanks Micky Mouse.” I smiled at him.
“No problem, Minnie Mouse.” He grinned.
Junsu pouted, “Yah! Don’t ignore me!”
I grinned at Yoochun and said, “Hyung, how do you put up with him?”
He caught the look in my eyes and feigned a distressed look. He sighed, “I don’t know either. He is so inconsiderate! Always about him! Junsu this, Junsu that. What about me?”
“Yah! Chunnie,” Junsu said softly.
“Sometimes I wonder if he dated me for the special treatment - “
Junsu cut him off, head snapping to face his lover. He grabbed Yoochun’s shoulders, shaking him a bit. “Yoochun. Don’t you ever ever think about that. I would never do that. I love you, remember that.”
Yoochun’s eyes softened, soft pink tinting his cheeks. “I know Su-yah. I was just kidding.” He mumbled into Junsu’s chest.
“Even though, Chun. Don’t ever say that I don’t love you, okay?”
Yoochun nodded and looked at me.
I smiled, “I think I’m intruding here.”
Yoochun shook his head, “You aren’t Min.”
“I just kind of feel left out you know?” I made circular motions with my hands.
“Then why don’t you go confess?” Junsu asked. Yoochun slapped him lightly for being so straightforward. Junsu smiled and pecked him on the lips lightly.
“I don’t know… what if he doesn’t like me back?”
Yoochun scoffed but said nothing.
“He likes you Min-ah. He’s just dense… and an idiot.” Junsu smiled, encouragingly. I laughed.
“Fine but what if he - “
“I’ll - We’ll beat him up.” Yoochun finished with a grin. “Just go to your man, Min.”
I laughed. “Will do.”
“Changmin fighting!” They said in sync.
I smiled in thanks. “Changmin fighting.”
******************************
At night…
******************************
I bit my lips, staring at the door. Should I? Maybe he’s sleeping… I should come back later. With that decision in mind I turned around and took a step forward. Aw, to hell with it.
I spun around on my heels and fumbled with the key. After successfully sliding the key in and turning it, after many failed attempts, I opened it slowly…
**
Jaejoong had fallen asleep by the time Changmin made it to the dorm again. He had been having the most wonderful dream, but as soon as he awoke it disappeared from his mind like a puff of smoke.
The soft squeak of the door opening was enough to wake him, so he slowly turned towards the source...
**
I found him laying down on the bed, eyes staring directly at mine. I blush slightly and my eyes cast downwards. The floor was really interesting...
**
There stood Changmin in the soft light the moon emitted into the dorm through the glass wall/window; half of his form in shadow and the other half in light.
‘Looking at him re-enforces what I’ve concluded hours after Yunho’s left. I love Changmin. Simple as that.’
He didn’t even need the help of Yunho to realize that. He didn’t care anymore that it probably made him gay or that he went through most of his life believing himself straight.
Don’t think it was an easy conclusion to come by. It took him hours of analyzing all the things he put off in his mind to reach that conclusion. Sure he doesn’t have experience in love, but he knew people in love and he had also read about people in love; so when he carefully looked at all the signs of how he acted and responded to Changmin it was glaringly obvious (embarrassingly so). He’d smacked his head as realization sunk in.
Somehow, it didn’t seem to affect him that he loved a guy. He thought he’d freak out or that he’d deny it until he died, but all he felt was peace and nerves. Peace because he wasn’t confused anymore and nerves that he had to confess to Changmin. He knew that he had to do it today, probably when he talked to him about ‘the kiss,’ so even though he was nervous he still fell asleep.
Realizing your whole life was about to change can really take a lot out of a person.
“Oh, you’re awake,” Changmin whispered, as if he wasn’t completely sure of the statement he just uttered.
That brought Jaejoong out of his thoughts and made him focus on Changmin. He looked nervous; he constantly kept shifting left and right, and he repeatedly bit his lower lip.
That pink, plump, lower lip…
Jaejoong shook out of those thoughts and instead thought of how to bring about the conversation. He finally decided that the most cliché line of all would do,
“We need to talk…” He uttered in a voice a little above a whisper.
Changmin jumped at the sound of his voice, since he was so focused on the floor seemingly lost in his own thoughts.
“Okay,” Changmin said, voice returning to his normal volume.
Jaejoong watched as Changmin made his way toward his own bed with arms lying limply by his sides.
**
My hands were shaking with nervousness. I hadn’t been this nervous, not since I was 4; my first day of school.
**
Jaejoong sat on his own bed, previously having been lying down, and cleared his throat. The awkwardness and tension in the room was stifling and it seemed as if it was clogging his throat.
“I wanted to ask…I mean I’d like…this is hard,” he said as he tried to organize his thoughts and calm his nerves.
Changmin appeared to be as nervous as he…
**
I tilted my head in confusion. Why was he so nervous? What did he want to ask?
**
“Okay, firstly I’d like to apologize for kissing you so suddenly. I’m sorry if it was unwanted and I’d also like to apologize for throwing you off the bed,” here Jaejoong blushed due to embarrassment.
**
My face fell. Well that answers my question. I thought… they said he really liked me. Guess we all thought wrong. Tears welled up in my eyes. I rubbed at them furiously. I didn’t want to show him what a crybaby I could be, even if he didn’t know the reason why...
**
Changmin responded with a simple, “It’s okay.”
Without knowing of Changmin’s struggle, Jaejoong continued, “Secondly, I’d like to know what…your sexual orientation is? I’m sorry to pry, but I need to know.”
Jaejoong kept his eyes on Changmin. He knew his stare could be intense at times, but he needed to observe him closely in order to not miss anything that would tell him he could confess freely. His heart pounded in his chest as he waited for the answer.
He saw Changmin’s eyes widened, saw him hold his breath, and saw as he turned pale at what he had asked. Fear was evident in those wide brown eyes and he wondered why Changmin was reacting so strongly to a question that should be easy to answer…
**
My breath hitched, my heart thumping against my chest violently, fear evident in my eyes. Why did he need to know? W-will he be disgusted?
**
When it seemed that Jaejoong would get no response, Changmin said, “I’m gay.”
Those two little worlds seem to echo in the dorm, especially since their neighbors were asleep already.
Jaejoong felt his heart beat double and a sense of lightness. Relief washed over him and he was so happy that he couldn’t even talk.
‘I can confess freely,’ was his first thought.
Slowly his mouth curved into a sweet smile and soon thereafter a chuckle escaped him. Chuckles soon turned into laughter and tears of joy were escaping his eyes.
In his happiness he forgot that Changmin had no clue as to why he was laughing so hysterically.
Or that Changmin might take his laughter the wrong way…
**
I opened my eyes and to my horror (and my prediction) he smiled, chuckling, head thrown back. Soon after, his chuckles turned into laughter, tears coming to his eyes.
Well, I thought bitterly, At least we’ll both be crying… both for different reasons of course.
I sniff quietly. I knew this would happen. I thought he was different. Guess I thought wrong.
Everyone’s the same.
**
Changmin suddenly got up from his bed and ran towards the door.
**
I blindly ran ahead, having a hard time seeing through the tears. I didn’t care.
**
Seeing Changmin run off snapped Jaejoong from his happy induced laughter. He went after Changmin and caught up to him. When he managed to grasp his hand and turn him he heard Changmin’s let out a soft gasp and saw his face was full of silent tears. His silent crying was fast approaching desolate sobs and all Jaejoong could do was stare speechlessly.
‘Why is he crying…?’
“What do you want! Do you want to keep mocking me!” Changmin screamed in exasperation.
**
I ripped my hands away from his, sobbing harshly and kneeling on the floor. I whispered, “What! Why…”
I tried hiding my face with my hands. I hated to let others see my tears and could feel my shoulders shaking terribly. I muttered to myself softly and felt him kneel beside me…
**
Jaejoong finally snapped out of his frozen state and kneeled next to Changmin.
“I’m sorry…I don’t know what you’re talking about. I never meant to mock you. If this is because I was laughing I can explain. Please stop crying. Let me explain. Come, let’s go back to the dorm,” he whispered, trying to not attract more attention than what they probably had already attracted. He kept rubbing Changmin’s shoulders in a soothing manner, hoping to calm him down. He could see some doors open, eavesdroppers investigating what all the noise was about, but as soon as his gaze landed on them they shuffled back into their dorms.
**
I sniffed and let him guide me. What did he want to explain?
**
‘I didn’t know that we travelled this far,’ Jaejoong absentmindedly notices this fact.
As soon as the door closes Jaejoong says, “I was laughing because I was happy.”
**
I look at him, confusion on my face. He’s happy that I’m gay? Well, at least he doesn’t hate me. My sobs reduced but I was sure that my nose was puffy and that my eyes were glossed with tears.
**
“I was happy because my love isn’t impossible. I didn’t know whether I had a chance with you or not. Finding out that you’re gay really increased my chances and the only way to release all the pent up energy I had was to laugh. I’m sorry you misunderstood the reason and that I caused you unnecessary distress. I’ve recently come to realize that I love you Shim Changmin and that I had to let you know my feelings. I know this sounds corny, b--”
**
He’s talking too much, was my last thought before I kissed him roughly. I didn’t care that I was being needy. I didn’t care that I was kissing him roughly and with want. I wanted it this way. I wanted him.
**
Changmin had crossed the distance between them in a blink of an eye. He kissed Jaejoong like his life might slip away if he stopped.
Jaejoong was shocked when he was tackled onto his bed. The weight of Changmin’s body on him and Changmin’s tantalizing mouth on his. Even if his breath left him, both because Changmin knocked it out of him when he tackled him and because Changmin wouldn’t let him separate from the kiss, he felt happiness and that he could die in this very moment happy.
Asphyxiation by kissing didn’t sound like a bad way to go.
‘Great, now even my thoughts are corny,’ Jaejoong thought, well…it was one of the few functioning thoughts he had left. Changmin slid his hands into Jaejoong’s hair and got closer to him as Jaejoong licked Changmin’s lower lip asking for permission and it was immediately granted. He tasted Changmin’s mouth, cherry and mint, and took complete control of the kiss. Changmin softly released a moan into Jaejoongs mouth as the latter swept his tongue on the roof of his mouth.
When Changmin realized that if he didn’t separate from the kiss he would die he released a dazed and panting Jaejoong. He himself found it hard to catch his breath.
Jaejoong stared at Changmin while trying to catch his breath and willing his heart to stop beating so painfully against his chest. He couldn’t believe Changmin had kissed him or that he had kissed him that way…so…passionately. He waited for an explanation while catching his breath.
“I…huh...I love you too. I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, but thought it couldn’t be possible. I didn’t think you’d be interested, so I just played the role of your friend and roommate. I talked myself out of even trying to catch your attention…thought there was no chance…” Changmin pecked Jaejoong’s lips softly after his confession and rested his head on Jaejoong’s chest, making Jaejoong’s already flushed cheeks flush a deeper shade of red.
Jaejoong smiled softly when he heard Changmin’s confession. ‘I can’t believe it. He loves me too. OMG, he loves me too!’ His smile widened and the happiness inside him could be seen outside as well. Changmin had a matching smile to his.
Jaejoong felt his adrenaline slowly deplete and let out a loud yawn. Changmin’s eyes were already droopy, closing of their own accord, so Jaejoong’s eyes found it natural to follow the same path after he carefully memorized Changmin’s sleeping face. Jaejoong re-adjusted his arms tighter around Changmin in order for both of them to be comfortable and released a relieved, happy sigh.
‘Tomorrow we’ll talk more about this. Tonight I’m just going to enjoy his comfortable warmth,’ were Jaejoong’s last conscious thoughts before succumbing to sleep with a whimsical smile on his lips.
He never thought that on that day six months ago his life was going to turn this unexpectedly. Never expected for his boredom to be completely dispelled or for his love life to finally have the missing puzzle piece completed. He had only one person to thank….
Changmin.
_______________________________
That's it! :D Done! ^^ Now all I have to do is work on the requests and my chaptered fics... Thank you guys! ^^
Authors: meluvminnie & jaceni
Pairing: Jaemin
Rating: PG 15
Genre: Angst, Romance, Fluff, AU
Summary: College life was boring until his new roommate appeared. He was never attracted to guys before, but there was just something about Changmin…
Confessing to someone is never easy, but realizing the attraction in the first place can be harder; especially if you’re a guy also.
Disclaimer: Don’t own anything and similarities to any other plot are coincidental. Sorry if that’s the case and please let us know ^_^
A/N: Jaejoong’s POV - Jaceni, Changmin’s POV - Meluvminnie.
****
Changmin crawled towards him carefully, with a small pout on his pink lips. Jaejoong’s heart started beating franticly and thousands of thoughts crossed his mind. Some of which were; ‘Why is he crawling towards me like that,’ ‘He looks like a feline stalking its prey,’ ‘How come I can’t look away or move for that matter,’‘What is he doing?’ All of these questions went unanswered, but he decided that at least one of them would be.
“W-what are you doing?” He didn’t mean to stutter, but his nerves were getting the best of him.
Changmin ignored his question and only leaned closer, their noses brushed together, and Jaejoong’s nerves sky rocketed. ‘And here I thought my heart couldn’t beat any faster.’
He was still dazed because of Changmin’s unusual behavior and confused as to where all of this was going.
Unexpectedly, Changmin blew a puff of air into his face while grinning and that managed to knock a reaction out of him that didn’t involve his heart trying to escape.
“Yah! You have NO respect for your Hyung at all!”
He thought Changmin was going to move off him, but then he tripped and lost his footing. There was full body impact, with lips only inches away, and Jaejoong couldn’t really think of anything except how delicious Changmin’s lips looked centimeters away from his. He stared at Changmin intensely, noticing that the younger man’s breath hitched a little, and forgot about the rest of the world. Heart never ceasing its erratic beat and as if in a trance, he slowly approaches those delicious looking lips with only one goal in mind; to taste them.
When he made contact he felt a small electrical current run through his body. Never had he felt this feeling before. He’s kissed other people before, but this feeling was new to him. As he increases the lip contact from a brush of lips to slight pressure he absent mindedly thinks, ‘Mmm…tastes like cherry and mint, my favorite combination.’
He got lost in the feeling and both of them didn’t move an inch. The only movement was light pressure of lips and a small swipe of a tongue across pliant lips.
The door slammed open, but went unheard by the kissing couple.
A voice he knew all too well shouted, “YAH! What are you guys doing!?” startling both men on the bed.
Quickly he pushed Changmin to the side and heard him land on the floor with an ‘umpf’. He looked down at where Changmin landed and noticed that he was alternating between rubbing his right elbow and rear end. ‘How did we even end up on the bed?’ He calmly wonders before panic sets in.
‘Oh fuck.’
‘What just happened!’
‘How am I going to explain this?’
‘Wasn’t the door locked?!’
He stares at Yunho and takes in his friend’s appearance. Yunho seems to be working since he’s still wearing his uniform, which is just basically a red collared shirt with the dorm’s gold eagle logo printed small on the left side of his chest and dark black jeans. He’s hanging to the door frame as if he’s about to faint and seems to have a white knuckle grip to prevent his fall. Golden brown hair lightly spiked, mouth hanging open in shock and eyes that are just as wide (even the black squared glasses he’s wearing look small compared to how wide his eyes are) complete the image of his friend of six years, best friend.
Closing his mouth, a disbelieving look still in his eyes, Yunho asks again more calmly “What were you guys doing?” Yunho makes his way into the dorm room to sit at one of the desk chairs since it seemed his energy was rapidly leaving.
“I-I-I…” ‘Oh my god, why can’t I think of anything!’
Changmin suddenly speaks up, “Oh, look at the time. I…have somewhere else to be. Bye!” He had sneakily been inching his way to the door and as soon as he reached it dashed outside, out of sight.
‘I can’t believe he left me!’
Yunho clears his throat, clearly still waiting for an explanation.
Jaejoong turns his despaired gaze towards Yunho, he had been staring at the now closed door that Changmin left from, and tries to explain what happened.
“Well…you see…he tripped…landed on me…lips kind of touched…hahaha,” Nervous laughter escaped him at the end of his broken explanation.
“Are you gay?” Yunho asks with a serious look.
“W-what?” He asks, confused as to why Yunho would ask him that question. When it clicks it’s more of a headache than he would’ve liked.
‘Am I gay? I’ve never thought of a guy before the way I think of Changmin. Does that make me gay? But I could have sworn I liked girls. Sure, I’ve never felt the way I did when I kissed Changmin, but it could all be in my head. What if I am bi? What about Changmin? Is he gay?’
Even though he’s been observing Changmin more closely this past month he really doesn’t know. Changmin isn’t exactly a social butterfly and can be often found in their dorm room. He hasn’t really opened up until recently. All he really knows is that he can make Changmin blush with a few teasing remarks, can make him smile when he’s feeling down, and provides Changmin with social interaction (even if sometimes it’s a bit forced).
‘What must he be thinking about me now?’
Yunho gets tired of the vacant expression Jaejoong tends to get when thinking too hard and snaps him out of it. “YAH! Answer the question will ya, I don’t have time to waste.”
“I really don’t know. I thought I was straight, but the feelings I experienced with Changmin are very different from what I’ve experienced in the past. Not that five times is considered much experience. Yunho, what should I do? How can I find out if I’m gay?”
‘Maybe I should be asking how I can find out what it is that I’m experiencing with Changmin?’
Yunho releases an exasperated sigh, and then he says, “Why are you asking me? Out of our little group it appears that I’m the only straight one. I can’t believe I walked in on that. I almost had a heart attack! Six years and apparently I still don’t know you. You should ask Yoochun or Junsu about that, since they have experience in that department.”
Jaejoong ponders that for a second and decides that he’ll have to have a visit with Yoochun, since Junsu always tires him out with the amount of energy he has.
Yunho gets up from his seat near the desk and says, “I can’t believe you distracted me from my task! I came here to tell you guys that there’s going to be a dorm meeting next week to discuss some neighbor complaints. I’ll be reminding you again the day of, since I know you forget. Tell Changmin that, since that coward left already. I’ll make sure to knock in future, since I really don’t want to have another almost heart attack. Also, lock the door to prevent future interruptions.” With a smirk on his face, Yunho left.
Jaejoong was still recovering from the embarrassment that last sentence left, and tried not to imagine what could be classified as ‘future interruptions.’ Besides, he still needs to figure out what this thing with Changmin is.
Well, all he can do now is wait for Changmin to get here so that they can discuss ‘the kiss’. He hopes that everything will turn out alright.
****
I widened my eyes at the yell and the next thing I knew I was on the floor, courtesy of Jaejoong. I scowled and rubbed my right elbow and butt in pain, glaring at him.
I unconsciously glare at the intruder who looks like he’s about to faint and has a tight grip on the door frame. Golden brown hair lightly spiked, mouth hanging open in shock and eyes that are just as wide (even the black squared glasses he’s wearing look small compared to how wide his eyes are). And for the second time that day, I scowled and looked away, pouting.
Closing his mouth, a disbelieving look still in his eyes, Yunho asks again more calmly “What were you guys doing?” Yunho makes his way into the dorm room to sit at one of the desk chairs since it seemed his energy was rapidly leaving.
“I-I-I…” Jaejoong stutters, eyes wide and hands trembling.
I spoke up hoping to clear the awkward atmosphere, “Oh, look at the time. I…have somewhere else to be. Bye!” I sneakily inched my way to the door and as soon as I reached it I dashed outside, out of sight.
I pant a bit, chest heaving slightly when I ran a block away. I always knew I wasn’t a runner. I heaved a sigh when I thought of what happened back in my room. Just by thinking of it makes my heart skip a beat. Jaejoong had kissed me. Why? Was he in love with me? No, that will never happen. Jaejoong isn’t gay… is he? Was he just playing with me?
I shook my head and knocked on the familiar, white door, tears coming to my eyes. I sighed, willed the tears away and leaned my back on the wall.
“Hey,” I tried to smile when the door opened.
Junsu rolled his eyes but stopped when he saw the pained look in my eyes. “Hey, Min.” It looked like he was about to ask why I looked so lifeless when Yoochun came, “Junsu! What’s taking you so - Min?”
I smiled at them, which made my eyes mismatched. Though all three of us knew it was fake. “Can I come in?”
Yoochun nods and smacks Junsu in the head, turning to me and smiles. “Of course, Min-ah!”
Junsu grumbled, glaring at him but Yoochun ignored him. I make my way inside and sat on the chair, twirling around and they sat on the bed staring at me.
“So,” Junsu bit his lips, “Why are you here?”
“Ow!” Junsu yells in agony as he was pushed off the bed, landing on his butt with an “Oof”. “What the hell? What did you do that for!?”
Yoochun glares at him, “Stop being so inconsiderate and help for once!”
Junsu protests, “I do help! Chunnie!” He whines.
I watched them bicker with an amused look on my face. Was this what couples do? Though I hate to admit it, their bickering was kind of cute.
Yoochun looks at me, “What were you thinking, Min-ah?”
I smile. “Nothing.”
Junsu gives me a look, “Liar.”
“Says the person who lied to his lover that he needed to study so that he could watch his game,” I replied.
“WHAT?!” Yoochun yells. “You said you were studying for finals!”
“I-I was! I swear I don’t know what he was talking about, Chunnie!” He turns to me discreetly, while Yoochun was fuming with anger, and hisses, “You promised you wouldn’t tell.”
I smirk, “I lied.”
He glares at me.
“Chunnie baby~ It was the finals…” He tries.
“Oh, so your game is more important than your own lover?” Yoochun’s glare hardened.
“N-no! Of course not!” Junsu tried giving him puppy dog eyes. He whimpers, “You know that right Chunnie? I love you, you know?” He rubbed Yoochun’s thighs with his head like a puppy.
“You love me more than you’re stupid game right?” Yoochun asks.
Junsu twitched at the word ‘stupid’ but nodded.
“Then stop watching it.”
Junsu looked shocked, “Wh-what?”
“You heard me” He looked smug.
“B-But… Chunnie! You can’t just tell me what to do!” Junsu shrank back in fear at the murderous aura his lover gave out.
“What did you just say Kim Junsu?” Yoochun gritted his teeth. He was going to castrate him if he said something stupid.
“I said that - Well, you look beautiful today, baby.” Junsu winks.
Yoochun blushed a bit, “T-thanks - Yah! Don’t change the subject!”
“But you do.” He purrs, wrapping his arms around Yoochun’s waist.
“J-Junsu…”
I cleared my throat loudly and they jumped in shock and surprise. I raised my eyebrow. Did they seriously forget that I was here? “I’m still here you know.”
Yoochun looked sheepish while Junsu glared at me.
“Sorry Min.” The eldest mutters.
“It’s fine.” I say. I expect them to believe me and tried to hide the jealousy in my voice. But I must have given out something because they narrowed their eyes and pulled me into a hug.
“It’s about Jaejoong, isn’t it?” I widened my eyes. Was I that obvious?
They chuckled. “Pretty much.”
I scowl, “Then he must know about it… right?”
Junsu shook his head, “Nah. Hyung can be pretty dense sometimes.”
I laugh. “Figured.” But why did he kiss me? Just the mere thought of his lips on mine made me blush like a school girl. I bowed my head hoping they wouldn’t see it.
They must’ve seen it since they grinned and squeezed me tighter. “Aw, Minnie’s blushing!” Yoochun teased.
“Am not!” I protest. “GAH! Hyungs! Stop!”
Junsu grins, “Nope! Now tell us more about what you said earlier.”
“What did I say earlier?” I asked confused, between my giggles.
“You said Jaejoong kissed you.” Yoochun answers.
I froze. Shit. I’ve got to stop saying things aloud.
“So, is it true?” Junsu asks, eyes wide with curiosity.
“Uh… I-I… yes?” It was more of a question than an answer. Luckily, they understood.
“Kya~!! I knew Jaejoong would do it sooner or later!” Yoochun squealed.
Junsu scoffed but smiled, “About time. You know, he wouldn’t stop thinking of you. He talks about you all the time, it’s getting really annoying. And he said he doesn’t love you, which is so not true.”
“Thanks? I guess…”
“No problem,” Yoochun grinned.
Love me? That was impossible. Who would love me? No one would... no one would love me. Especially not Jaejoong.
Yoochun gave me a look, “Look Min. You’re a great guy. Don’t beat yourself up. He loves you. He practically worships the ground you walk on. He’s obsessed, like really. He’s just in denial. If he hurts you, I’ll beat him up okay?”
“Thanks Micky Mouse.” I smiled at him.
“No problem, Minnie Mouse.” He grinned.
Junsu pouted, “Yah! Don’t ignore me!”
I grinned at Yoochun and said, “Hyung, how do you put up with him?”
He caught the look in my eyes and feigned a distressed look. He sighed, “I don’t know either. He is so inconsiderate! Always about him! Junsu this, Junsu that. What about me?”
“Yah! Chunnie,” Junsu said softly.
“Sometimes I wonder if he dated me for the special treatment - “
Junsu cut him off, head snapping to face his lover. He grabbed Yoochun’s shoulders, shaking him a bit. “Yoochun. Don’t you ever ever think about that. I would never do that. I love you, remember that.”
Yoochun’s eyes softened, soft pink tinting his cheeks. “I know Su-yah. I was just kidding.” He mumbled into Junsu’s chest.
“Even though, Chun. Don’t ever say that I don’t love you, okay?”
Yoochun nodded and looked at me.
I smiled, “I think I’m intruding here.”
Yoochun shook his head, “You aren’t Min.”
“I just kind of feel left out you know?” I made circular motions with my hands.
“Then why don’t you go confess?” Junsu asked. Yoochun slapped him lightly for being so straightforward. Junsu smiled and pecked him on the lips lightly.
“I don’t know… what if he doesn’t like me back?”
Yoochun scoffed but said nothing.
“He likes you Min-ah. He’s just dense… and an idiot.” Junsu smiled, encouragingly. I laughed.
“Fine but what if he - “
“I’ll - We’ll beat him up.” Yoochun finished with a grin. “Just go to your man, Min.”
I laughed. “Will do.”
“Changmin fighting!” They said in sync.
I smiled in thanks. “Changmin fighting.”
******************************
At night…
******************************
I bit my lips, staring at the door. Should I? Maybe he’s sleeping… I should come back later. With that decision in mind I turned around and took a step forward. Aw, to hell with it.
I spun around on my heels and fumbled with the key. After successfully sliding the key in and turning it, after many failed attempts, I opened it slowly…
**
Jaejoong had fallen asleep by the time Changmin made it to the dorm again. He had been having the most wonderful dream, but as soon as he awoke it disappeared from his mind like a puff of smoke.
The soft squeak of the door opening was enough to wake him, so he slowly turned towards the source...
**
I found him laying down on the bed, eyes staring directly at mine. I blush slightly and my eyes cast downwards. The floor was really interesting...
**
There stood Changmin in the soft light the moon emitted into the dorm through the glass wall/window; half of his form in shadow and the other half in light.
‘Looking at him re-enforces what I’ve concluded hours after Yunho’s left. I love Changmin. Simple as that.’
He didn’t even need the help of Yunho to realize that. He didn’t care anymore that it probably made him gay or that he went through most of his life believing himself straight.
Don’t think it was an easy conclusion to come by. It took him hours of analyzing all the things he put off in his mind to reach that conclusion. Sure he doesn’t have experience in love, but he knew people in love and he had also read about people in love; so when he carefully looked at all the signs of how he acted and responded to Changmin it was glaringly obvious (embarrassingly so). He’d smacked his head as realization sunk in.
Somehow, it didn’t seem to affect him that he loved a guy. He thought he’d freak out or that he’d deny it until he died, but all he felt was peace and nerves. Peace because he wasn’t confused anymore and nerves that he had to confess to Changmin. He knew that he had to do it today, probably when he talked to him about ‘the kiss,’ so even though he was nervous he still fell asleep.
Realizing your whole life was about to change can really take a lot out of a person.
“Oh, you’re awake,” Changmin whispered, as if he wasn’t completely sure of the statement he just uttered.
That brought Jaejoong out of his thoughts and made him focus on Changmin. He looked nervous; he constantly kept shifting left and right, and he repeatedly bit his lower lip.
That pink, plump, lower lip…
Jaejoong shook out of those thoughts and instead thought of how to bring about the conversation. He finally decided that the most cliché line of all would do,
“We need to talk…” He uttered in a voice a little above a whisper.
Changmin jumped at the sound of his voice, since he was so focused on the floor seemingly lost in his own thoughts.
“Okay,” Changmin said, voice returning to his normal volume.
Jaejoong watched as Changmin made his way toward his own bed with arms lying limply by his sides.
**
My hands were shaking with nervousness. I hadn’t been this nervous, not since I was 4; my first day of school.
**
Jaejoong sat on his own bed, previously having been lying down, and cleared his throat. The awkwardness and tension in the room was stifling and it seemed as if it was clogging his throat.
“I wanted to ask…I mean I’d like…this is hard,” he said as he tried to organize his thoughts and calm his nerves.
Changmin appeared to be as nervous as he…
**
I tilted my head in confusion. Why was he so nervous? What did he want to ask?
**
“Okay, firstly I’d like to apologize for kissing you so suddenly. I’m sorry if it was unwanted and I’d also like to apologize for throwing you off the bed,” here Jaejoong blushed due to embarrassment.
**
My face fell. Well that answers my question. I thought… they said he really liked me. Guess we all thought wrong. Tears welled up in my eyes. I rubbed at them furiously. I didn’t want to show him what a crybaby I could be, even if he didn’t know the reason why...
**
Changmin responded with a simple, “It’s okay.”
Without knowing of Changmin’s struggle, Jaejoong continued, “Secondly, I’d like to know what…your sexual orientation is? I’m sorry to pry, but I need to know.”
Jaejoong kept his eyes on Changmin. He knew his stare could be intense at times, but he needed to observe him closely in order to not miss anything that would tell him he could confess freely. His heart pounded in his chest as he waited for the answer.
He saw Changmin’s eyes widened, saw him hold his breath, and saw as he turned pale at what he had asked. Fear was evident in those wide brown eyes and he wondered why Changmin was reacting so strongly to a question that should be easy to answer…
**
My breath hitched, my heart thumping against my chest violently, fear evident in my eyes. Why did he need to know? W-will he be disgusted?
**
When it seemed that Jaejoong would get no response, Changmin said, “I’m gay.”
Those two little worlds seem to echo in the dorm, especially since their neighbors were asleep already.
Jaejoong felt his heart beat double and a sense of lightness. Relief washed over him and he was so happy that he couldn’t even talk.
‘I can confess freely,’ was his first thought.
Slowly his mouth curved into a sweet smile and soon thereafter a chuckle escaped him. Chuckles soon turned into laughter and tears of joy were escaping his eyes.
In his happiness he forgot that Changmin had no clue as to why he was laughing so hysterically.
Or that Changmin might take his laughter the wrong way…
**
I opened my eyes and to my horror (and my prediction) he smiled, chuckling, head thrown back. Soon after, his chuckles turned into laughter, tears coming to his eyes.
Well, I thought bitterly, At least we’ll both be crying… both for different reasons of course.
I sniff quietly. I knew this would happen. I thought he was different. Guess I thought wrong.
Everyone’s the same.
**
Changmin suddenly got up from his bed and ran towards the door.
**
I blindly ran ahead, having a hard time seeing through the tears. I didn’t care.
**
Seeing Changmin run off snapped Jaejoong from his happy induced laughter. He went after Changmin and caught up to him. When he managed to grasp his hand and turn him he heard Changmin’s let out a soft gasp and saw his face was full of silent tears. His silent crying was fast approaching desolate sobs and all Jaejoong could do was stare speechlessly.
‘Why is he crying…?’
“What do you want! Do you want to keep mocking me!” Changmin screamed in exasperation.
**
I ripped my hands away from his, sobbing harshly and kneeling on the floor. I whispered, “What! Why…”
I tried hiding my face with my hands. I hated to let others see my tears and could feel my shoulders shaking terribly. I muttered to myself softly and felt him kneel beside me…
**
Jaejoong finally snapped out of his frozen state and kneeled next to Changmin.
“I’m sorry…I don’t know what you’re talking about. I never meant to mock you. If this is because I was laughing I can explain. Please stop crying. Let me explain. Come, let’s go back to the dorm,” he whispered, trying to not attract more attention than what they probably had already attracted. He kept rubbing Changmin’s shoulders in a soothing manner, hoping to calm him down. He could see some doors open, eavesdroppers investigating what all the noise was about, but as soon as his gaze landed on them they shuffled back into their dorms.
**
I sniffed and let him guide me. What did he want to explain?
**
‘I didn’t know that we travelled this far,’ Jaejoong absentmindedly notices this fact.
As soon as the door closes Jaejoong says, “I was laughing because I was happy.”
**
I look at him, confusion on my face. He’s happy that I’m gay? Well, at least he doesn’t hate me. My sobs reduced but I was sure that my nose was puffy and that my eyes were glossed with tears.
**
“I was happy because my love isn’t impossible. I didn’t know whether I had a chance with you or not. Finding out that you’re gay really increased my chances and the only way to release all the pent up energy I had was to laugh. I’m sorry you misunderstood the reason and that I caused you unnecessary distress. I’ve recently come to realize that I love you Shim Changmin and that I had to let you know my feelings. I know this sounds corny, b--”
**
He’s talking too much, was my last thought before I kissed him roughly. I didn’t care that I was being needy. I didn’t care that I was kissing him roughly and with want. I wanted it this way. I wanted him.
**
Changmin had crossed the distance between them in a blink of an eye. He kissed Jaejoong like his life might slip away if he stopped.
Jaejoong was shocked when he was tackled onto his bed. The weight of Changmin’s body on him and Changmin’s tantalizing mouth on his. Even if his breath left him, both because Changmin knocked it out of him when he tackled him and because Changmin wouldn’t let him separate from the kiss, he felt happiness and that he could die in this very moment happy.
Asphyxiation by kissing didn’t sound like a bad way to go.
‘Great, now even my thoughts are corny,’ Jaejoong thought, well…it was one of the few functioning thoughts he had left. Changmin slid his hands into Jaejoong’s hair and got closer to him as Jaejoong licked Changmin’s lower lip asking for permission and it was immediately granted. He tasted Changmin’s mouth, cherry and mint, and took complete control of the kiss. Changmin softly released a moan into Jaejoongs mouth as the latter swept his tongue on the roof of his mouth.
When Changmin realized that if he didn’t separate from the kiss he would die he released a dazed and panting Jaejoong. He himself found it hard to catch his breath.
Jaejoong stared at Changmin while trying to catch his breath and willing his heart to stop beating so painfully against his chest. He couldn’t believe Changmin had kissed him or that he had kissed him that way…so…passionately. He waited for an explanation while catching his breath.
“I…huh...I love you too. I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, but thought it couldn’t be possible. I didn’t think you’d be interested, so I just played the role of your friend and roommate. I talked myself out of even trying to catch your attention…thought there was no chance…” Changmin pecked Jaejoong’s lips softly after his confession and rested his head on Jaejoong’s chest, making Jaejoong’s already flushed cheeks flush a deeper shade of red.
Jaejoong smiled softly when he heard Changmin’s confession. ‘I can’t believe it. He loves me too. OMG, he loves me too!’ His smile widened and the happiness inside him could be seen outside as well. Changmin had a matching smile to his.
Jaejoong felt his adrenaline slowly deplete and let out a loud yawn. Changmin’s eyes were already droopy, closing of their own accord, so Jaejoong’s eyes found it natural to follow the same path after he carefully memorized Changmin’s sleeping face. Jaejoong re-adjusted his arms tighter around Changmin in order for both of them to be comfortable and released a relieved, happy sigh.
‘Tomorrow we’ll talk more about this. Tonight I’m just going to enjoy his comfortable warmth,’ were Jaejoong’s last conscious thoughts before succumbing to sleep with a whimsical smile on his lips.
He never thought that on that day six months ago his life was going to turn this unexpectedly. Never expected for his boredom to be completely dispelled or for his love life to finally have the missing puzzle piece completed. He had only one person to thank….
Changmin.
_______________________________
That's it! :D Done! ^^ Now all I have to do is work on the requests and my chaptered fics... Thank you guys! ^^