Babies
I can't lie. I'm in an awkward position. Well - when am I NOT in an awkward position? Ha.
Baby Fever.
Again.
It's awkward. It's awkward because I feel like it will never happen for me. I keep putting myself in these crap positions where the possibility of becoming a mother is slim. And it's not because I want to.
Honestly, I don't think there is anything worse than believing you have everything you have ever dreamed of only to be told "no" on your biggest dream. And then when you walk away - they tell you "yes". And by that time - it's far too late and will never be. So then you are just screwed.
That's how I feel right now. There are just people around me who are pregnant - getting ready to start families - or already are parents - and I'm jealous. I can't lie. I always have been jealous though. It's something I really want. And not someday. I was ready to be a mom years ago.
And this is how I feel about not being a parent right now. If I'm not a parent - and I'm being denied parenthood - then my ass is going to drink like a fish and curse like a sailor. And I'm going to act like a twenty-something should act. I'm going to blow my damn money on traveling and get to do the things a single person SHOULD get to do.
And I shouldn't be faulted for that. People like to try to do that when I say that. And I say, "Well - if I can't have what I want in one aspect of my life - I'm going to reap the joys from not having such dream." Simple as that.
Anyhoo - I have gone on that particular rant before. I just strongly felt the need to express it again. Just from seeing all these people around me getting pregnant - starting families - can't deny that I'm jealous. It's sad. I'm sure SOMEDAY it will happen. Hate that fuckin word, by the way.
I like to MAKE things happen. I don't like waiting. Patience is bullshit. Why put off something today just because it COULD be done tomorrow? You know what? You might not be able to do it tomorrow. You might be dead.
The victims of 7/20/12 should tell you that. Live life to the fullest. And I'm going to. No matter fucking what.
Baby Fever.
Again.
It's awkward. It's awkward because I feel like it will never happen for me. I keep putting myself in these crap positions where the possibility of becoming a mother is slim. And it's not because I want to.
Honestly, I don't think there is anything worse than believing you have everything you have ever dreamed of only to be told "no" on your biggest dream. And then when you walk away - they tell you "yes". And by that time - it's far too late and will never be. So then you are just screwed.
That's how I feel right now. There are just people around me who are pregnant - getting ready to start families - or already are parents - and I'm jealous. I can't lie. I always have been jealous though. It's something I really want. And not someday. I was ready to be a mom years ago.
And this is how I feel about not being a parent right now. If I'm not a parent - and I'm being denied parenthood - then my ass is going to drink like a fish and curse like a sailor. And I'm going to act like a twenty-something should act. I'm going to blow my damn money on traveling and get to do the things a single person SHOULD get to do.
And I shouldn't be faulted for that. People like to try to do that when I say that. And I say, "Well - if I can't have what I want in one aspect of my life - I'm going to reap the joys from not having such dream." Simple as that.
Anyhoo - I have gone on that particular rant before. I just strongly felt the need to express it again. Just from seeing all these people around me getting pregnant - starting families - can't deny that I'm jealous. It's sad. I'm sure SOMEDAY it will happen. Hate that fuckin word, by the way.
I like to MAKE things happen. I don't like waiting. Patience is bullshit. Why put off something today just because it COULD be done tomorrow? You know what? You might not be able to do it tomorrow. You might be dead.
The victims of 7/20/12 should tell you that. Live life to the fullest. And I'm going to. No matter fucking what.