Fandom Thought of the Day #8--Batman: Why the Joker's Plan Shouldn't Have Worked
I'm not talking about The Dark Knight. That movie was fantastic. I love it. No, I'm going back to the classic Batman movie with Jack Nicholson as the Joker. His plan was much... weirder than Ledger!Joker's. Not least because we never really found out what the point was. He just sort of liked killing people, I guess.
His plan, for those whose only exposure to Batman was the Nolan films, was to taint various hygiene products at the source, such that when they were used in certain combinations they would be toxic. Not just toxic, mind--they would cause hysterical laughter and death with a creepy smile that plastic surgery couldn't have fixed on your face. Now, here's why it wouldn't have worked.
1. He tainted hygiene products at the source. Really? How'd he get in? Last we saw, he only had a (relatively) few grunts. And presumably these hygiene products aren't local, so he's going to national factories and tainting them. With... his handful of grunts... who don't seem too smart... and his pretty off face... What, is he sneaking in? Because if he was breaking in, they would notice and they would test that shit.
2. And yet somehow this was localized to Gotham. Why wasn't this a national crisis? Why weren't there teams of scientists working on this? Why was Batman the only one who was dedicated enough to figure this out?
3. He would have to taint every brand of hygiene product the same way, or all of Gotham City would have to use the exact same brands. Do you know how many brands of hygiene product there are? I don't. But it's a lot.
4. According to my Howdunit Book of Poisons, here's the complete list of poisons that are absorbed through the skin and cause giddiness:
- Boric acid
Yeah. A grand total of one poison. Know what other symptoms people would be showing if they were being poisoned with boric acid? Vomiting, for one. Coma, for another. And almost every hygiene product out there is applied to the skin, so it would have to be boric acid.
But before anyone says they could have just made up a poison (and clearly did, because there's not a poison around that will freeze your face like that), here's the biggest problem:
5. Hygiene products last a freaking long time. Do you replace your shampoo every week? If you do, someone in your house is stealing it. You should check on that. And deodorant? I've been using the same one for months and I'm not out yet. Toothpaste lasts a long time too. Yet somehow, every person in Gotham replaced their hygiene products at the same time. That's the only way that they would all be affected by this. Otherwise the people who had been using the same products for months without problems would just keep on using them.
So there it is. The five reasons why Nicholson!Joker's plan was idiotic and only worked because the writers didn't notice the plot holes.
His plan, for those whose only exposure to Batman was the Nolan films, was to taint various hygiene products at the source, such that when they were used in certain combinations they would be toxic. Not just toxic, mind--they would cause hysterical laughter and death with a creepy smile that plastic surgery couldn't have fixed on your face. Now, here's why it wouldn't have worked.
1. He tainted hygiene products at the source. Really? How'd he get in? Last we saw, he only had a (relatively) few grunts. And presumably these hygiene products aren't local, so he's going to national factories and tainting them. With... his handful of grunts... who don't seem too smart... and his pretty off face... What, is he sneaking in? Because if he was breaking in, they would notice and they would test that shit.
2. And yet somehow this was localized to Gotham. Why wasn't this a national crisis? Why weren't there teams of scientists working on this? Why was Batman the only one who was dedicated enough to figure this out?
3. He would have to taint every brand of hygiene product the same way, or all of Gotham City would have to use the exact same brands. Do you know how many brands of hygiene product there are? I don't. But it's a lot.
4. According to my Howdunit Book of Poisons, here's the complete list of poisons that are absorbed through the skin and cause giddiness:
- Boric acid
Yeah. A grand total of one poison. Know what other symptoms people would be showing if they were being poisoned with boric acid? Vomiting, for one. Coma, for another. And almost every hygiene product out there is applied to the skin, so it would have to be boric acid.
But before anyone says they could have just made up a poison (and clearly did, because there's not a poison around that will freeze your face like that), here's the biggest problem:
5. Hygiene products last a freaking long time. Do you replace your shampoo every week? If you do, someone in your house is stealing it. You should check on that. And deodorant? I've been using the same one for months and I'm not out yet. Toothpaste lasts a long time too. Yet somehow, every person in Gotham replaced their hygiene products at the same time. That's the only way that they would all be affected by this. Otherwise the people who had been using the same products for months without problems would just keep on using them.
So there it is. The five reasons why Nicholson!Joker's plan was idiotic and only worked because the writers didn't notice the plot holes.