Easy way out.
So I've been reading this story (A fandom I am too ashamed to admit) and I am just so frustrated. This story has so much potential, but the author keeps taking the easy way out. It is a "fish our of water" Kind of story.
I am going to use Pinto to help tell this story and explain my issues. (bc I can and they are so for away from the story in question's fandom. AKA It's not Pinto It's even het... I should have known)
So Lets image that Chris is in a abusive relationship and chooses to run away to escape the abuse. He finds himself in an Amish community that offers him shelter where he meets Amish Zach. Sounds like it could be epic. (I have a things for the Amish ok?)
Here's where it takes a turn down the path that kills it. Upon meeting Zach for the first time Chris fall for him at first sight. I can maybe see that if Chris was in a good place, but the fact is Chris is just out of a bad relationship means he shouldn't fall like that. People who are abused tend to take a lot of time to A) Trust people B) feel worthy of love. But I guess that can be forgiven or passed off as fiction.
Until Issue number two comes up.
Chris fall seamlessly into the lifestyle after a day and wants to stay there forever. That is an easy way out. Can an eighteen year old boy pick up something that fast without so much as a "I miss having AC."? I have great respect for this people and their way of life. It's much more time consuming and hard work than mine to do simple daily task. So seeing as I would rather got out and buy new undies than do the laundry (Don't judge we've all done it!) the lifestyle change would be an issue. What about no xbox? Hot shower? Internet porn?
This is right about where the author decided she want to do short a one sentence paragraphs format. Which can work awesome, if the chapters weren't 11k. And if the sentences weren't "do I love him? Could he want me? leggo my eggo?" every 1k or so. (Ok so that last one was me being an ass.) Let me field this love question for you Chris. NO YOU DO NOT LOVE HIM BC IT HAS BEEN ONLY ONE GOT DANG DAY SINCE YOU GO THERE AND YOU NEED TO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER FIRST. K?
Moving on. Then there is a hand wank in the corn field with Zach, which seems way out of placing seeing as Zach is supposed to be UNBER Amish. But I can pass that off as teenagers. What are you going to do? Here's why this is an easy out. Chris' said abuser forced him to do things to the abuser sexually. No matter how much you love someone it takeS A LOT to get over that. I also kind of feel like the author is lessening sexual assault/abuse in a way but having the Chris character have no issue with sex BC IT IS ZACH. That's not how it works. At all. Then she Has Zach make Chris come by only nipple simulation... over three layers of clothes. (Remember the real fic is Het and Chris is in the girl role.)
Next reenters the abuser, who again sexually assaults Chris. But never penetration bc that would be too far. I actually have an issue with this too. (SHOCKER). Sexual assault is never about sex. It is about power. What greater way to prove to Chris that he would never escape then to force him into full submission? She took the easy way out bc the readers couldn't take the assault.
Here's how this story could have been so much more: Chris gets there and can't hitch a horse perfectly and fails at something/everything. He finds friendship in Zach and Chris learns who he is. He realized after working hard and over coming things that he would indeed like to stay there bc it is what CHRIS wants and not bc Zach is there. Next he realized that Zach's peen is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and they have a huge commitment ceremony Amish style. (it could happen.)
But all and all, I feel like this author just pieced together ideas and didn't take the time or care needed to make it more than a sad attempt at writing.
I am going to use Pinto to help tell this story and explain my issues. (bc I can and they are so for away from the story in question's fandom. AKA It's not Pinto It's even het... I should have known)
So Lets image that Chris is in a abusive relationship and chooses to run away to escape the abuse. He finds himself in an Amish community that offers him shelter where he meets Amish Zach. Sounds like it could be epic. (I have a things for the Amish ok?)
Here's where it takes a turn down the path that kills it. Upon meeting Zach for the first time Chris fall for him at first sight. I can maybe see that if Chris was in a good place, but the fact is Chris is just out of a bad relationship means he shouldn't fall like that. People who are abused tend to take a lot of time to A) Trust people B) feel worthy of love. But I guess that can be forgiven or passed off as fiction.
Until Issue number two comes up.
Chris fall seamlessly into the lifestyle after a day and wants to stay there forever. That is an easy way out. Can an eighteen year old boy pick up something that fast without so much as a "I miss having AC."? I have great respect for this people and their way of life. It's much more time consuming and hard work than mine to do simple daily task. So seeing as I would rather got out and buy new undies than do the laundry (Don't judge we've all done it!) the lifestyle change would be an issue. What about no xbox? Hot shower? Internet porn?
This is right about where the author decided she want to do short a one sentence paragraphs format. Which can work awesome, if the chapters weren't 11k. And if the sentences weren't "do I love him? Could he want me? leggo my eggo?" every 1k or so. (Ok so that last one was me being an ass.) Let me field this love question for you Chris. NO YOU DO NOT LOVE HIM BC IT HAS BEEN ONLY ONE GOT DANG DAY SINCE YOU GO THERE AND YOU NEED TO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER FIRST. K?
Moving on. Then there is a hand wank in the corn field with Zach, which seems way out of placing seeing as Zach is supposed to be UNBER Amish. But I can pass that off as teenagers. What are you going to do? Here's why this is an easy out. Chris' said abuser forced him to do things to the abuser sexually. No matter how much you love someone it takeS A LOT to get over that. I also kind of feel like the author is lessening sexual assault/abuse in a way but having the Chris character have no issue with sex BC IT IS ZACH. That's not how it works. At all. Then she Has Zach make Chris come by only nipple simulation... over three layers of clothes. (Remember the real fic is Het and Chris is in the girl role.)
Next reenters the abuser, who again sexually assaults Chris. But never penetration bc that would be too far. I actually have an issue with this too. (SHOCKER). Sexual assault is never about sex. It is about power. What greater way to prove to Chris that he would never escape then to force him into full submission? She took the easy way out bc the readers couldn't take the assault.
Here's how this story could have been so much more: Chris gets there and can't hitch a horse perfectly and fails at something/everything. He finds friendship in Zach and Chris learns who he is. He realized after working hard and over coming things that he would indeed like to stay there bc it is what CHRIS wants and not bc Zach is there. Next he realized that Zach's peen is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and they have a huge commitment ceremony Amish style. (it could happen.)
But all and all, I feel like this author just pieced together ideas and didn't take the time or care needed to make it more than a sad attempt at writing.