Three Sentence AU(2): Gossip Girl & Misc.
2012 Three sentence AU writing sessions with tinyangl, anamuan & coffeeandice. Mostly unbeta'd.
Dan/Blair, JE!AU (you can figure it out i’m sure. :D) 67.
“Johnnies are not actors,” Blair sniffs disdainfully, carefully reapplying her makeup as Serena watches on with a bemused smile.
“Come on, B, they’re not that bad - I’ve worked with Dan, he’s -”
“Humphrey is the quintessential golden Johnnies boy, with his ridiculous poof he calls hair and the only thing worse than their penchant for skulls and badly dyed blond hair is their penchant for flannel.”
Dan/Blair, JE!AU (with actual dan/blair interaction redux) 68.
“Just for the record, I think Nate is the cutest in your little ’band,’ Chuck has a sex appeal attractive to some women, I guess, Eric is a sweetheart with a voice of an angel, but you, there is nothing special about you - you are simply . . . there. And don’t get me started on your singing.”
“Says the girl with an album full of auto-tune.”
Gossip Girl cast, The Avengers!AU 371.
“This is just like Rome, eh?” Waldorf says, shooting at an enemy behind Humphrey before somersaulting across the field and standing back-to-back with him.
“You and I remember Rome very differently,” Humphrey replies wryly, shooting his last arrow into the mouth of a beast seconds before it tears Waldorf’s head off. She hisses as she fires the last bullet in her gun and tosses it to him before hitching a ride on one of the flying crafts and kicking the monster clean off into the ground. Humphrey shoots the gun from his bow but all it does is make one monster particularly angry. It bares its teeth and Humphrey doubles backward - but a circular shield knocks the monster’s head clean off.
“All right there, Humphrey?” Archibald asks, prying the shield off of the dead remains and then slamming it behind his shoulder at another enemy.
“Could do with some more arrows,” Humphrey pants, eyeing the rest of the monsters closing in on them. He scoots behind Archibald’s shield with his last defense - a small dagger - raised for action, but then divine intervention shines down in the form of a gigantic hammer that smashes into one side of the circle of monsters, destroying them all. The hammer returns to Serena’s delicate hands and she smiles as she chucks down a handful of recycled arrows, tips still fresh with alien blood and goop.
“Thank the gods,” Humphrey says, saluting her quickly before aiming an arrow at a wreckage of cars, exploding them on impact and taking out another handful of monsters, which barely makes a dent in the horde in the long run. “Think you can lend us a hand?”
“Sorry, I’ve got to help Bazen take down Georgina one and for all. But don’t worry.” She grins knowingly from her vantage point in the sky. “Help is on the way.”
As she flies off, Humphrey and Archibald share a dubious look, but just before they prepare for comabt once more, Bass barrels through the crowd, making a clean line straight through the invading circle. With a howl, he smashes everything in his wake and Humphrey and Archibald share a different look this time - let’s get to higher ground.
Dan/Blair, Dan is a photographer 202.
Everyone consoles him when he is assigned a photoshoot with Blair Waldorf - she is too demanding, too insufferable, too precise, too stiff, too pale, too dark, there is no life in her eyes and no light in her smile, nothing at all like Serena Van Der Woodsen, the golden goddess who breezes into the studio and wins everyone’s hearts before the day is over.
Dan hears all this and forms his judgments too quickly, is already lamenting the idea of having to photograph such a diva and is wondering if Nate will fill in for him because Nate is the only one patient enough to stand her. And then Dan sees her, sitting alone in an empty hallway, hugging one knee to her chest as if the world will swallow her whole if she lets go, eyes dark and sad and glittering with unshed tears and in that moment he understands that she’s heard it all her life, the constant comparisons to Serena.
Dan doesn’t capture that moment in film but burns it in his heart, on the backs of his eyelids, and when Blair steps into the studio for her photoshoot, Dan dedicates the entire hour to making her smile.
more Waldorf/Humphrey!master!assassins fic 204.
“Are you here to kill me?” Blair asks, already knowing the answer. There is so much blood on her hands, every inch of her stained violent red, but as she regards the man in front of her, she readies the bracelets on her wrists because like hell she’ll go down without a fight.
“No,” he says at last, lowering his bow and arrow and it’s a stupid ploy and she’s about to detonate her bracelets when he beats her to it. “I heard the Black Widow was a vicious killer, that she had no heart and no soul and not a single drop of remorse - but I see it in your eyes. The fear of death - a fear not of death itself of death prematurely, before you can make amends.”
Blair’s eyes widen and her wrists drop lifelessly to her sides and she shakes and for the first time in her life she cries.
*
“I’m kind of in the middle of something, Eric,” Blair hisses into the phone as the giant Russian bodyguard looms over her.
“It’s Agent Humphrey. He’s been compromised.”
Blair sees red. She leaves the warehouse in five minutes, the click-click of her high heels echoing behind her.
Anything Dan/Blair honestly. Maybe more photographer!Dan, Avengers!AU, the HP!AU you started in my comments, Charming/Snow White!ala Once Upon a Time, WHATEVER GETS ME HAPPY DAIR. T.T 126.
Dan’s portrait of a young girl in the hallway doesn’t make it into the magazine spread. He spends hours developing the image and it hangs on his bedroom wall with only two other shots: one of his mother, father, and sister in a small, cramped Brooklyn apartment at Christmas - the last time he remembers being really, truly happy with his entire family - and one of his best friend Vanessa with a rainbow sky behind her - the first photograph he ever got published in a magazine.
The first time Blair stays over his apartment, she will ask him why he kept her image on his wall with the two others; he will reply that it was the moment he fell in love with her.
Avengers!AU 118.
They get shawarma with the whole team after their little task of saving the world. Dan’s bandages still smart from Blair’s not-so-gentle ministering, and he can’t help rubbing at them all throughout the meal.
“Something wrong, Dan?” Serena asks, inhaling plate after plate of chicken and pita - a goddess’s appetite.
“Nothing,” Dan replies, dropping his hand onto the seat, where it is quickly taken up by Blair - the violent squeeze she gives him means it will be far more painful should he ever be taken prisoner and brainwashed against his will by an evil psychopath in kitten heels; the leg she wraps around his means, man up and I’ll make you feel much, much better, later.
the HP!AU you started in my comments 69.
It takes Blair until sixth year to realize why Humphrey - Dan - infuriates her so much: he is her intellectual equal. A matching pair. The diadem of Rowena Ravenclaw.
And for all Blair’s intelligence and wit, she has no idea how to remotely disclose this to him. (Fortunately, Dan is just as intelligent - maybe a whit more in this case alone - and doesn’t do much talking.)
Charming/Snow White!ala Once Upon a Time 86.
“I told you I would always find you,” Dan whispers in her hair after the veil is lifted from the minds of all the citizens of Storybrooklyn.
“I was the one who found you in the hospital,” Blair hisses in a need to always be right, but there is not a drop of malice in her words.
Above them, the sky swirls dark and foreboding, a grey and purple storm brews but nothing else matters to Dan except that Blair is in his arms once more.
inception: kindergarten au 497.
Arthur is the only child who wears a tie and a suit to kindergarten. Everyday his mother carefully coifs his hair with gel, straightens his collar and tie, and sends him to class with a plastic Batman lunchbox; peanut butter and jelly sandwich cut diagonally with crusts cut off wrapped in plastic, a snackbag of cut granny smith apples with a little container of peanut butter, and a grape juice box. Arthur is generally a model student, sitting with his hands folded at his desk and always the most attentive during lessons. Arthur is, generally, Mr. Saito’s favorite student.
On the other hand, Mr. Saito thinks he could do without Eames in his classroom. Eames is a troublemaker. Eames sits directly behind Arthur and likes to spend his days either kicking at Arthur’s chair or covering his hands over his mouth and imitating, almost too perfectly, the Spongebob Squarepants trademark laugh, which tends to send the rest of the class into serious gigglefits.
Yusuf is quiet except when he is with Arthur and Eames and except when it it comes to lunch time. Yusuf is smart, almost too smart, and Yusuf really likes juice. But not just any juice. Yusuf likes mixing different flavors of juice everyday and generally making a mess on the carpeting with Arthur’s grape juice and several other juice boxes that Eames somehow always manages to con out of Mr. Saito’s other children. There is one incident in particular involving an exploding juice box and an exploding nose that Mr. Saito hopes never to relive again.
Ariadne is four, the first and only prodigy in the class and the only one in the class who can say her name properly. With his accent, he tends to pronounce it as “Ah-rad-knee” which makes her heave a precocious little sigh and correct him before answering his question perfectly. Mr. Saito takes to calling her “Ari.”
Dom and Mal are inseparable. Period. Mr. Saito learns this the hard way when he tries to seat them apart and Mal screams bloody murder for hours and Dom sits quietly with his knees drawn to his chest, eyes lifeless and dull. At recess they sit together in a corner of the classroom with all the blocks they can carry in their chubby little hands, stacking and building towers and skyscrapers, lost in their own little world. During these times Mr. Saito can call their names until he’s blue in the face but they simply will not acknowledge his existence. The only person who can bring them back is Ariadne, who stumbles over with wide brown eyes and a thumb stuck firmly in her mouth. Without missing a beat, Dom will hand her a block and Mal will hold her shoulders steady as she steps on her tippy-toes to stack it.
Regardless, Mr. Saito loves teaching and loves children, all children - yes even Eames - he really does, but still, his favorite part of the day is always naptime.
Avengers, college!acapella group AU 40.
“No I will not join your acapella group, Clint, it’s such a boy’s club in there.”
“And that’s exactly why we want you to join us, Natasha love.”
“Oh shush Tony, what kind of acapella name is ’The Avengers,’ anyway?”
PARKS AND REC - April never stops dating her boyfriend and his boyfriend. 70.
Derek and Ben are right. Andy is too happy, too stupid, too full of life in a way that is wholly and completely not ironic. When April sleeps with her arms curled around Derek and legs tangled with Ben’s in a bed far too small and far too warm, she tries not to think about Andy’s goofy smiles and the way his hugs felt like she finally, really, fit somewhere.
parks and rec - little sebastian lives 93.
On his birthday, the Parks Department decides to throw L’il Sebastian a party, complete with party hats, cake, and a game of pin-the-tail on the miniature donkey.
“This is a gross misuse of government funding,” Ben comments lightly, watching as a blind-folded Andy barrels across the room towards a crowd of partygoers with a miniature tail in his hands, egged on by directions from April.
“If you don’t want to spend the money, you don’t get to eat cake,” Leslie replies, taking his free hand with hers and hiding them behind their backs.
parks & rec - leslie and ben are adorable WHICH I KNOW, IS CANON, BUT I JUST CAN’T OK 89.
“How are the calzones in D.C.?” Leslie asks sleepily, convinced that she has to call him at three in the morning to make up for a time difference that doesn’t exist.
“Not the same,” Ben replies, because he knows the time-difference is just an excuse to call because Leslie has seen the time pass hour-by-hour since midnight, sleepy unable to sleep without Ben by her side. Ben doesn’t mind the phone calls or the excuses though - he’s already awake and ready to pick up when his phone rings.
Draco/Luna, reporters!AU 54.
“This is not what I signed up for when I majored in journalism, Lovegood - I thought we would be reporting major stories impacting civilization as we know it, not -”
“Sh, Draco, your negative energy is scaring away the nargles.”
The Quibbler, Draco thinks, better not be the height of his journalism career.
harry potter, it’s a dog eat dog world, in a matter of speaking 110.
Harry Pointer is the dog who lived, the dog who banished the evil Lord Xoloitzcuintli and came out unscathed except for the lightning-shaped scar left on his forehead - and the loss of his parents. Left abandoned as a pup, he was raised, in a matter of speaking, by his Aunt and Uncle and was absolutely miserable until a large Havanese breaks down their door and proclaims, “’Yer a wizard, Harry!”
At Dogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Harry will make the best friends of his life, Ron Welsh Terrier and Hermione Golden Retriever, and although he doesn’t know it, he will also face the greatest dangers of his life.
full metal - Roy/Riza restaurant AU 60.
“They’re not real,” blond and busty Riza drawls, crossing one arm over her chest as she sets his burger and milkshake down in front of him.
“I know, I was just calculating the amount of padding - solid B-cup, right?” If looks could kill and eyes could shoot, Roy is pretty sure he would be a dead man by now.
oh my god write me digimon fic. something with matt, he was my favourite. 80.
Yamato thinks he walks a razor sharp edge on most days. He has to keep his balance, keep control of his thoughts and emotions because sometimes what he thinks is right and what he knows is right gets skewed and ends in fistfights with Taichi. One slip and Yamato is afraid he’ll be lost forever, so he continues to walk with his arms straight out, hoping that he can catch himself before he’ll fall. (He isn’t sure anyone else can.)
have an extra yamato/sora because i forgot about the au aspect of this meme, clearly 86.
Yamato watches her, Sora Takenouchi, watches her swing her tennis racket down and scores 40-love without breaking a sweat. He doesn’t know anything about her except for her name, the fact that she has red hair, and the fact that she used to play soccer in elementary school.
He doesn’t know anything about her, but he wishes he did, because once upon a time she kicked a soccer ball at his head and he fell in love (and he wonders why she doesn’t play soccer anymore.)
honey and clover - Hagu is an older woman 77.
Hagu has grown from childlike loveliness into a refined grace suiting the petite woman standing in front of Yuta. Her hair is shorter, curling just past elfin ears, and she has traded free flowing sundresses for pastel blouses and pleated skirts. Takemoto’s first instinct is to fall in love all over again, but he manages to resist - he hugs her instead, and she still smells of honey and patches of clover grass under endless blue skies.
yuffie + cait sith - they leave the party to start a choco farm co-op 127.
Saving the world is great and all, but after Cait Sith #1 is squashed into the black materia - which Yuffie wasn’t able to steal - only to have meteor summoned anyway, Yuffie and Cait Sith #2 decide to fuck it all and leave. Which would be okay if the world wasn’t being overrun with ridiculous amounts of enemies and oh, those gigantic weapon things, so the first thing Yuffie and Cait Sith do is capture a Chocobo.
When the end of the world doesn’t come, Kisaragi & Sith’s BUY A CHOCOBO NOW OR SUFFER THE WRATH OF MYTHICAL WEAPONS Chocobo Farms has a chain near every major city (and most of the minor ones).
The owners spend their time in their mansion at Costa del Sol.
zach/aerith - aerith joins SOLDIER, zach doesn’t 177.
“Please don’t touch the flowers - they’re very delicate.”
Zach glances over his shoulder and does a double take. She’s dressed in a purple SOLDIER uniform, but that’s not what catches his eyes first - nor what gives her away the most: bright green eyes glowing with Mako. Her flowing brown hair is twisted into a braid hanging neatly over her shoulder, and in her hands is a long staff, engraved with markings that look ancient, foreign.
He steps aside as she moves forward, places her staff on the ground and kneels just before the flowers, closes her eyes and brings her hands together.
“A prayer for lost souls,” she says without his prompting, standing and brushing off the front of her pants before taking up her staff again.
He wants to ask for whose lost soul she prays, or why a young woman is in SOLDIER - or how she even got in for that matter - but all Zach can think to say as her green eyes catch his is, “You’d look better in pink.”
more SOLDIER!aerith au 309.
“You’re a flower boy?” she asks with some surprise, matching him step for step as he hauls a cart of bright flowers behind him.
“For now, I’m really a Zack of all trades, a mercenary if you will.”
“A mercenary . . . with flowers?”
“I’m in it for the money.”
“You sold one to me for a single gil.”
“Ah, that was the pretty girl discount.” There’s a twinkle in his eyes as he says it, and it reminds her life, of bright blue skies above the plate, clear and natural and untainted by mako. It takes her a moment to realize his mouth is still moving a mile a minute. “. . . I meant it, though.”
“Pardon?”
“What I said when we first met, about pink suiting you better - I, hey, I got you something.” Her first reaction is to tense her fingers and reach for her staff when he rummages around in his pockets, but it’s just Zack and although he looks healthy, trained by living in the slums, he would be no match for her. Also, it’s Zack. “Here.”
It’s a square fabric of sun-faded pink, frayed at the edges with undone seams. It has the look of having once been expensive, of having been discarded after years of damage and misuse. “I know it’s not much, but it’s all I could - well.” He runs his hand through his hair sheepishly, ruffling black spikes beyond disarray. If this is his outside hair, she can only marvel at the idea of his bedhead. Still, and wordlessly, she takes the scrap of aged silk, presses it to her chest.
It is the second present she has ever been given.
Oh, dear, is this your mother?
I’m so sorry for your loss dear.
My name is Elmyra.
Would you like to come live with me?
rinoa/squall: dragonrider au 101.
“I can do this,” Rinoa says and Squall wants to scream no, you can’t, but she’s already got a running start and she flies off the cliff with arms outstretched, the back of her blue sweater fluttering behind her. Squall doesn’t want to look, has his hands over his eyes but cannot help parting his fingers and squinting through them. For an eternity there is nothing - then, Rinoa zooms upward in a dizzying spiral of sweater blue and scaly red, up and up into the sky and when he sees her silhouette against the sun he swears she has wings.
rinoa/squall coffee shop au 69.
There’s something unnerving about the way the barista always stares at Squall before donning a pearly white smile on her pale face.
On the seventh day in a row, he finally snaps, “What is it?”
The barista blinks at him, but then smiles and points upward at the overhead sign, “We have a new pumpkin-spice latte - it goes great with the pumpkin muffins you’ve been having every morning.”
Tea/Kettle, first time they ever meet (i know it’s not AU but still.) 50.
They meet when Kettle is feeling particularly dull, worn and weary, battered and broken. Tea is warm and gentle, he sees her pain mirrored on his soul and he understands her, makes her feel whole again.
After, Kettle glows.