it's been 21 weeks since i last posted... really?
some things have changed since i've been here last. those of you who are on facebook can see our new dog Bella. she's a blue-nosed pitbull. soooo cute but cannot be trusted not to jump a fence to get to the pitbull next door. apparently they are good friends once they see each other face to face. whew! bella is gettin snipped tomorrow & will spend the night at the vet. i'll miss her. she's been my new friend. buddy doesn't sleep in my room hardly at all anymore. not when he can have a couch or armchair all to himself. hahahaha... so bella has been enjoying staying in my room. only thing is that she snores like nobody's business... gotta love 'er though.
scotty & i had been chatting by text on occasion these days. nothin goin on there i'm sure. i can't say that my feelings for him have disappeared entirely but i have to keep my distance to some degree. i cannot let myself get distracted by him. he's back from PA and so he's much closer. i had considered going to see him at some point but it was a trip to see another mutual friend of ours that i would include seeing scott. not an issue anymore. but no big deal. i do get annoyed when he doesn't return my messages. he & i work overnight shifts during the week and keep each other company through the night. awwww... how sweet. but he also has a job where the boss gives him a hard time if he's using his phone during shift. i don't have that issue. texting helps keep me awake. so instead i bring the laptop i got myself as a gift to help with finishing school.
oh school. that's another thing. i've been able to pay for school as of late but i've decided that forensic psych isn't really my passion. not as a profession anyway. i'm fascinated by the study of criminal behavior but to actually be in that type of setting from a day to day basis doesn't lead me to do cartwheels.
so many people over the years have asked if i was going to pursue teaching. i've been a preschool teacher, which is a challenge all its own... but i've registered to take the Praxis exam to apply for a different program within the same school i currently attend. i really have no desire to switch schools or to have to commute anywhere. morristown is about as far as i'm willing to go right now. so i'm going to take the praxis for elementary school: general content to apply to a program resulting in a teaching certificate for K-5. i've fought this long enough.
i've heard it said that whatever it is you were interested in as a 9 year old is what God was calling you to do in life. i used to play school with my stuffed animals. teaching my "students" and getting to grade papers sounded like fun to me. i love to learn stuff so to me that goes hand in hand. when i asked my mom what she thought i would be good at, she says: learning. so there you have it. when i spoke to my professor about it tonite after class, he says i would still have time if i change my mind and while i'm teaching could be the best time to take more classes. he even mentioned med school. whaaaat?! but that's because of my bio minor from montclair.
i really want to teach at the school my church started last year. it will take me another year or so to finish my teaching program so that's not really an issue at this point. i think my mom will be shocked but not really. she supports whatever decision i make. it's just that i hadn't been able to make up my mind. over the last couple months when i make time to get quiet and listen to what God has to say to me, it's all becoming more clear. i love forensics and it could still be something of interest to me, especially on tv but whatever.
during my journaling/quiet time on 7/22/09 i asked if forensic psych was a distraction from what i should really be doing...
you have a natural ability to teach others. you have gleaned knowledge from every place you have been thus far. you already have innate talent to teach & people have seen it in you. don't be afraid but be of great courage. I will never leave you nor forsake you. you seem discouraged about your possibilities after finishing the degree in forensic psych. I know you don't want to work in a jail & you are already discouraged with your current work situation. I want you to be able to speak about Me & teach about Me. I know you can't do that where you are now and that grieves Me. the entire fact that My name cannot be mentioned is saddening. I can see how it is affecting you. you are stunted spiritually when you work. I know you feel confused. I am not the author of confusion. you are not confused about the fact that you want to leave the place of spiritual retardation. I am glad about that. you have been saying you want a consistent schedule & I heard your thoughts about summer vacations. I hear your cries, dear one. begin your research. it may be a smoother transition than you think. I want you to enjoy your work as you perform it for My glory. you are not working to your potential & definitely not doing your job with all your might. I know that it is because of inconsistencies on your job. know that I have this and all things under control. I need you to trust Me. keep in touch with Me often. I love you, precious little fighter!
then again on 9/21/09 i couldn't sleep and had more quiet/journal time. i was thinking about my future yet again. i remember wanting to be a teacher at age 9 then when i got to middle school i turned to darker things. read stephen king as if no other books existed and then became interested in psychology. forgot all about my desire to be a teacher. i'm definitely discouraged about my future in forensic psych and i don't want to feel overwhelmed by darkness.
I remember watching you play school with your stuffed animals. you had such joy teaching your "class" and grading their papers. I saw you being drawn toward the darkness as you got older. I know you are sensitive & a forensic setting may not be in your best interests. I have seen your natural ability recognized recently when you were asked to teach a higher grade during church service. the children's ministry has faith in you & in your ability. I sensed you feel that you are being promoted. I have given you more responsibility because I know you can handle it. I want to see you come out of the darkness & fill children with My light. I know you feel uneasy about this change but I know you will feel more rewarded. I do not want you to spend time finishing a degree that will not ultimately bring you joy. you may need to act quickly in order to get the next steps underway. find out when the Praxis exam is held, by whom & where. trust Me that I know you better than you know you.
you seem to jump quickly to do things only after ruminating for a long time. so it sudden to you but it is more that the transition is moving more quickly than you expect or than you would like. these seem to be moments of spontaneity when they are actually a longer time in the making.
scotty & i had been chatting by text on occasion these days. nothin goin on there i'm sure. i can't say that my feelings for him have disappeared entirely but i have to keep my distance to some degree. i cannot let myself get distracted by him. he's back from PA and so he's much closer. i had considered going to see him at some point but it was a trip to see another mutual friend of ours that i would include seeing scott. not an issue anymore. but no big deal. i do get annoyed when he doesn't return my messages. he & i work overnight shifts during the week and keep each other company through the night. awwww... how sweet. but he also has a job where the boss gives him a hard time if he's using his phone during shift. i don't have that issue. texting helps keep me awake. so instead i bring the laptop i got myself as a gift to help with finishing school.
oh school. that's another thing. i've been able to pay for school as of late but i've decided that forensic psych isn't really my passion. not as a profession anyway. i'm fascinated by the study of criminal behavior but to actually be in that type of setting from a day to day basis doesn't lead me to do cartwheels.
so many people over the years have asked if i was going to pursue teaching. i've been a preschool teacher, which is a challenge all its own... but i've registered to take the Praxis exam to apply for a different program within the same school i currently attend. i really have no desire to switch schools or to have to commute anywhere. morristown is about as far as i'm willing to go right now. so i'm going to take the praxis for elementary school: general content to apply to a program resulting in a teaching certificate for K-5. i've fought this long enough.
i've heard it said that whatever it is you were interested in as a 9 year old is what God was calling you to do in life. i used to play school with my stuffed animals. teaching my "students" and getting to grade papers sounded like fun to me. i love to learn stuff so to me that goes hand in hand. when i asked my mom what she thought i would be good at, she says: learning. so there you have it. when i spoke to my professor about it tonite after class, he says i would still have time if i change my mind and while i'm teaching could be the best time to take more classes. he even mentioned med school. whaaaat?! but that's because of my bio minor from montclair.
i really want to teach at the school my church started last year. it will take me another year or so to finish my teaching program so that's not really an issue at this point. i think my mom will be shocked but not really. she supports whatever decision i make. it's just that i hadn't been able to make up my mind. over the last couple months when i make time to get quiet and listen to what God has to say to me, it's all becoming more clear. i love forensics and it could still be something of interest to me, especially on tv but whatever.
during my journaling/quiet time on 7/22/09 i asked if forensic psych was a distraction from what i should really be doing...
you have a natural ability to teach others. you have gleaned knowledge from every place you have been thus far. you already have innate talent to teach & people have seen it in you. don't be afraid but be of great courage. I will never leave you nor forsake you. you seem discouraged about your possibilities after finishing the degree in forensic psych. I know you don't want to work in a jail & you are already discouraged with your current work situation. I want you to be able to speak about Me & teach about Me. I know you can't do that where you are now and that grieves Me. the entire fact that My name cannot be mentioned is saddening. I can see how it is affecting you. you are stunted spiritually when you work. I know you feel confused. I am not the author of confusion. you are not confused about the fact that you want to leave the place of spiritual retardation. I am glad about that. you have been saying you want a consistent schedule & I heard your thoughts about summer vacations. I hear your cries, dear one. begin your research. it may be a smoother transition than you think. I want you to enjoy your work as you perform it for My glory. you are not working to your potential & definitely not doing your job with all your might. I know that it is because of inconsistencies on your job. know that I have this and all things under control. I need you to trust Me. keep in touch with Me often. I love you, precious little fighter!
then again on 9/21/09 i couldn't sleep and had more quiet/journal time. i was thinking about my future yet again. i remember wanting to be a teacher at age 9 then when i got to middle school i turned to darker things. read stephen king as if no other books existed and then became interested in psychology. forgot all about my desire to be a teacher. i'm definitely discouraged about my future in forensic psych and i don't want to feel overwhelmed by darkness.
I remember watching you play school with your stuffed animals. you had such joy teaching your "class" and grading their papers. I saw you being drawn toward the darkness as you got older. I know you are sensitive & a forensic setting may not be in your best interests. I have seen your natural ability recognized recently when you were asked to teach a higher grade during church service. the children's ministry has faith in you & in your ability. I sensed you feel that you are being promoted. I have given you more responsibility because I know you can handle it. I want to see you come out of the darkness & fill children with My light. I know you feel uneasy about this change but I know you will feel more rewarded. I do not want you to spend time finishing a degree that will not ultimately bring you joy. you may need to act quickly in order to get the next steps underway. find out when the Praxis exam is held, by whom & where. trust Me that I know you better than you know you.
you seem to jump quickly to do things only after ruminating for a long time. so it sudden to you but it is more that the transition is moving more quickly than you expect or than you would like. these seem to be moments of spontaneity when they are actually a longer time in the making.