continual forward motion...
i need to stay focused on the now and on the future. the past holds nothing for me. i had a long think/cry last night. well, the think was longer than the cry was but whatever... i'm excited to start the next part of my life. january is going to be really cool when i start my master's program in forensic psychology & counseling. bring it on! this is what i've wanted to do with my life since high school. i didn't know what it was called then but i knew that i wanted to be involved in the realm of psychology. i was always analyzing my life so why not analyze other people's lives and get paid for it? that was my thinking...
so last night my memory was sparked of times past that started out as fun but turned painful. i thought i had moved on from that since i'm not in the same place i was then. gladly so. my life belongs to Jesus and with every year my life gets better and better. so why focus on this? i can only see it as a plot of the enemy to get my mind off Jesus. i had Christmas Eve Eve service tonight and i have been preparing for this night for weeks. practicing and such since i'm part of the choir. i love to sing and i love to give praises to my God.
when looking back at the part of my life that made me cry last night... there weren't too many positives that i could think of immediately. not a good sign of a relationship. it was obviously not a healthy one and in the long run i'm better off for not being a part of it. my heart is touched that the other half of the former relationship is starting a family and seems happy. awesome! i wish no ill will on any person. we were both immature at the time and would not have lasted if we stayed together. there was obviously something that attracted us to each other.
i want such different things for my life now than i did back then. i want to live my life for Jesus. i quit using drugs nearly 5 years ago and i'm all the better for it. my mind was so foggy then i'm sure i wasn't thinking too clearly and i only wanted what i wanted when i wanted it. and i usually got it. when i didn't is when my brain would try to play tricks on me. so i'm glad to be sober. i want a husband who will be sober-minded with me. i can't wait to start a family who we will raise in the church. i loved going to church since i was little and i lost that part of myself for about 10 years. i'm glad to have it back. i've become a better person and i know God is preparing me for that special one that He has for me. sometimes it's good not to have prayers answered. hahahahaha...
i have so much to be happy about it's ridiculous. i'm a child of God. i am a co-heir with Jesus. that makes me royalty. i'm a princess in my own right since i'm a daughter of the King of Kings. i have many special skills that i forget about sometimes since i have a tendency to focus on the negative. i try to be more positive but more often i'm simply realistic about things and reality is often negative. i have to keep in mind that since Jesus is my personal Savior, my name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life and i will spend an eternity in heaven with my Maker. score! does it get any better than that?
so in the meantime i need God to remind me that He will never leave me nor forsake me. i need that daily and sometimes minute-by-minute. He's an awesome God and He's greatly to be praised! i love Him more than anything and i'm so grateful that He came to earth as a tiny baby only to die and take away the sins of the world as an adult. if that's not love i don't know what is.
so basically i need to stop thinking about the past and think about my future with Jesus coz that's something i can rely on instead of what used to be. and it used to be so long ago. why do i even care? there's only one other person i cared that deeply about and i keep in touch with that one a couple times per year or if i need a date for a special event. hahahaha...
so last night my memory was sparked of times past that started out as fun but turned painful. i thought i had moved on from that since i'm not in the same place i was then. gladly so. my life belongs to Jesus and with every year my life gets better and better. so why focus on this? i can only see it as a plot of the enemy to get my mind off Jesus. i had Christmas Eve Eve service tonight and i have been preparing for this night for weeks. practicing and such since i'm part of the choir. i love to sing and i love to give praises to my God.
when looking back at the part of my life that made me cry last night... there weren't too many positives that i could think of immediately. not a good sign of a relationship. it was obviously not a healthy one and in the long run i'm better off for not being a part of it. my heart is touched that the other half of the former relationship is starting a family and seems happy. awesome! i wish no ill will on any person. we were both immature at the time and would not have lasted if we stayed together. there was obviously something that attracted us to each other.
i want such different things for my life now than i did back then. i want to live my life for Jesus. i quit using drugs nearly 5 years ago and i'm all the better for it. my mind was so foggy then i'm sure i wasn't thinking too clearly and i only wanted what i wanted when i wanted it. and i usually got it. when i didn't is when my brain would try to play tricks on me. so i'm glad to be sober. i want a husband who will be sober-minded with me. i can't wait to start a family who we will raise in the church. i loved going to church since i was little and i lost that part of myself for about 10 years. i'm glad to have it back. i've become a better person and i know God is preparing me for that special one that He has for me. sometimes it's good not to have prayers answered. hahahahaha...
i have so much to be happy about it's ridiculous. i'm a child of God. i am a co-heir with Jesus. that makes me royalty. i'm a princess in my own right since i'm a daughter of the King of Kings. i have many special skills that i forget about sometimes since i have a tendency to focus on the negative. i try to be more positive but more often i'm simply realistic about things and reality is often negative. i have to keep in mind that since Jesus is my personal Savior, my name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life and i will spend an eternity in heaven with my Maker. score! does it get any better than that?
so in the meantime i need God to remind me that He will never leave me nor forsake me. i need that daily and sometimes minute-by-minute. He's an awesome God and He's greatly to be praised! i love Him more than anything and i'm so grateful that He came to earth as a tiny baby only to die and take away the sins of the world as an adult. if that's not love i don't know what is.
so basically i need to stop thinking about the past and think about my future with Jesus coz that's something i can rely on instead of what used to be. and it used to be so long ago. why do i even care? there's only one other person i cared that deeply about and i keep in touch with that one a couple times per year or if i need a date for a special event. hahahaha...