Failure to Update
Ah.... sigh...
So I haven't update in forever. Mostly because I procrasinate writing anything and everything. I *HATE* the act of typing something up or writing something down (not to be confused with the creative process behind it). It's just soo slow and I want to say so much and words are never enough and I ramble and it fails me - cold.
In any event, one might assume (and would be correct) that things in my life have changed lately. First of all (and to many, the most "important"), I have in fact graduated from college and left Evansville, Indiana for better things. It's bizarre and weird to think that I won't be going back to that life, those people, that crazy horrible weathered city... A weird, small part of me has regrets - like I didn't do enough, give more, and take in everything I could have. Yet, I know better. I'm not sure if the people and places I left behind will ever realize what they meant to me, but my life there for the last four years has given me greater gifts than I would have ever imagined and for that, there can be no regrets.
Secondly, and in result of #1, I've returned to Florida. A, I have some SERIOUS cleaning up to do with all my stuff, it's crazy intense. B, I want a real job and was tired with the idea of another summer internship (which I wish kinda miss and wish I'd reached out to GG or Williamstown - why I want to be in New England I have no idea!!).
So I'm here now and it appears NO ONE else is - which is driving me crazy. I spend all my time with my parents - who are driving me crazy. A lot of it is working on projects. Mom kinda wants me to start up a class at pTEC (where she now works) - just for fun I think? I don't know. Dad wants me to stay forever and finds an excuse to any job offer I may get.
In terms of that, I have NO idea what I want and where I should go. No - that's a lie. I just want everything and can't have it. And I want it now. And I know I'm going to be stellar no matter where I get ultimately put - I have the drive and work ethic. I just want to be some place where I'm happy. Going through my life the last weekish has really helped me re-evaluate what makes me happy. So... we'll see
That's pretty much life. There's a lot of other stuff. Reaching out to people I haven't spoken to in a while, for example. But life is fairly static otherwise.
Thought I'd send an update to anyone who might read this - and myself for my own future records. Who knows when I may find myself drawn to read this later on... which reminds me...
Oh! Also. I've fallen in LOVE with The Spill Canvas. It's insane and intense and I love them. Also, the lead singer reminds me of someone so strongly, I can't get it out of my head. Any of my former roommates will remember how often I play the same song over-and-over-and-over etc. etc. This is much worse... it's been days now!!
So I haven't update in forever. Mostly because I procrasinate writing anything and everything. I *HATE* the act of typing something up or writing something down (not to be confused with the creative process behind it). It's just soo slow and I want to say so much and words are never enough and I ramble and it fails me - cold.
In any event, one might assume (and would be correct) that things in my life have changed lately. First of all (and to many, the most "important"), I have in fact graduated from college and left Evansville, Indiana for better things. It's bizarre and weird to think that I won't be going back to that life, those people, that crazy horrible weathered city... A weird, small part of me has regrets - like I didn't do enough, give more, and take in everything I could have. Yet, I know better. I'm not sure if the people and places I left behind will ever realize what they meant to me, but my life there for the last four years has given me greater gifts than I would have ever imagined and for that, there can be no regrets.
Secondly, and in result of #1, I've returned to Florida. A, I have some SERIOUS cleaning up to do with all my stuff, it's crazy intense. B, I want a real job and was tired with the idea of another summer internship (which I wish kinda miss and wish I'd reached out to GG or Williamstown - why I want to be in New England I have no idea!!).
So I'm here now and it appears NO ONE else is - which is driving me crazy. I spend all my time with my parents - who are driving me crazy. A lot of it is working on projects. Mom kinda wants me to start up a class at pTEC (where she now works) - just for fun I think? I don't know. Dad wants me to stay forever and finds an excuse to any job offer I may get.
In terms of that, I have NO idea what I want and where I should go. No - that's a lie. I just want everything and can't have it. And I want it now. And I know I'm going to be stellar no matter where I get ultimately put - I have the drive and work ethic. I just want to be some place where I'm happy. Going through my life the last weekish has really helped me re-evaluate what makes me happy. So... we'll see
That's pretty much life. There's a lot of other stuff. Reaching out to people I haven't spoken to in a while, for example. But life is fairly static otherwise.
Thought I'd send an update to anyone who might read this - and myself for my own future records. Who knows when I may find myself drawn to read this later on... which reminds me...
Oh! Also. I've fallen in LOVE with The Spill Canvas. It's insane and intense and I love them. Also, the lead singer reminds me of someone so strongly, I can't get it out of my head. Any of my former roommates will remember how often I play the same song over-and-over-and-over etc. etc. This is much worse... it's been days now!!