(no subject)
Everyday I get so pissed off with myself when I'm rude to my mum.
I dont know why, but everytime it's just like I'm on automated mode, I'll get impatient and rude.
I keep asking myself, why can't I be close to her like all my friends are with theirs.
Why do I keep blocking her out from my world and then complaining she doesn't understand me.
Today I came to a conclusion.
I'm afraid it was because if the past.
She never once defended and helped me whenever I came to her in the past.
She never once stopped my brother from hurting me,
She never once lent me a listening ear when I needed it, she just scolded me and forced her ways on me. All I needed was a listening ear.
She was never sensitive to my emotions, she couldn't tell whenever I was feeling down,
She just nagged and nagged and scolded.
She doesn't even save me face in front of my friends.
I am tired of trying to let her in.
I blocked her out.
And she still doesn't know why. I don't know how to tell her all these, all I can do is type out what I feel and hopefully by some miracle she will see this.
But she'll probably just get defensive and stuff.
I can't even hug her or hold her hands now. Its just so awkward. I can't even remember the last time I hugged her. It was probably in sec 2.
Maybe that's why I get so cuddly with my friends, to make up for all the hugs I've missed :(
But that being said, she is a good mother in other aspects.
She supports
My dreams, and other stuff. It's just I feel that she doesn't know how to cope with me emotionally an I can't forgive her for the past.
I dont know why, but everytime it's just like I'm on automated mode, I'll get impatient and rude.
I keep asking myself, why can't I be close to her like all my friends are with theirs.
Why do I keep blocking her out from my world and then complaining she doesn't understand me.
Today I came to a conclusion.
I'm afraid it was because if the past.
She never once defended and helped me whenever I came to her in the past.
She never once stopped my brother from hurting me,
She never once lent me a listening ear when I needed it, she just scolded me and forced her ways on me. All I needed was a listening ear.
She was never sensitive to my emotions, she couldn't tell whenever I was feeling down,
She just nagged and nagged and scolded.
She doesn't even save me face in front of my friends.
I am tired of trying to let her in.
I blocked her out.
And she still doesn't know why. I don't know how to tell her all these, all I can do is type out what I feel and hopefully by some miracle she will see this.
But she'll probably just get defensive and stuff.
I can't even hug her or hold her hands now. Its just so awkward. I can't even remember the last time I hugged her. It was probably in sec 2.
Maybe that's why I get so cuddly with my friends, to make up for all the hugs I've missed :(
But that being said, she is a good mother in other aspects.
She supports
My dreams, and other stuff. It's just I feel that she doesn't know how to cope with me emotionally an I can't forgive her for the past.