(no subject)

[melodyynotes]

Yesterday reminded me what i once used to have.
Friends that i can fully be myself around and not care about what others think of me 
because i know they'll accept me no matter what happens.
Now, i have to keep worrying if i offend someone or worse,
i can't even speak up when i'm horribly wronged because the person is someone 
who won't listen.
Why did i even get myself into this shit?

I've changed. 
I changed to become more hot tempered,
more arrogant, more selfish, more annoying,
and more sad.
I don't even know who i am anymore.
Do you?

All i wanted for Christmas was for them to respect me for who i am,
to acknowledge that i have been there,
for them to not take me for granted for once,
for them to not take me as something to vent their anger out on.
for the people whom i have been there for to wish me merry Christmas.

That wish was not granted, but instead, 
i realised i have another group of friends who spent Christmas with me, 
who remembered me even when i have not been with them for long,
it felt like we never parted.
I thank God for them.

I am not proud of who i became, 
i am ashamed of myself for taking out all these frustrations on my mother,
who although is a little tactless sometimes but has always been there for me.

But it's okay, a new year is coming.
I will not bring upon myself all these troubles again.
Once April has past, all will be fine again.

Merry Christmas.