(no subject)
On the big screen, there he was, the larger-than-life Hero. Harsh, unrelenting, violent and always rescuing the victims (except in one movie).
I craved a Hero. Someone to save me, someone to protect me from the violence in my life, someone to make the pain fade. I poured my need into the image he created. He became everything Heroic, in both his on-screen life and his off-screen life.
I loved the stories of his extreme differences with his beautiful and intelligent wife, yet they made it work and were devoted to each other. I loved his dedication to success, rising from an obscure background and becoming an icon of what hard work and focus can accomplish.
I believed. Oh how I believed. I needed to believe. Desperately.
Almost twenty years of devotion, of keeping that concept alive. A place to go in my head when fear overwhelmed.
And then …. his pedestal shattered. And a part of me shattered with it.
The lie.
The tremendous Lie.
One lie became many lies. He betrayed all that I believed in.
Many made excuses for him … oh, just a typical man, and what do you expect? Oh he is a millionaire, of course he will behave like that. Oh he is a mega movie star, he has to be that way …
Ignore the lies and renew my faith? Make excuses and keep my illusions?
I grieved the loss of an ideal.
And I refused to accept that unethical behavior is excusable.
Everyone has a choice.
A choice in action, and a choice in condoning the actions.
Or not.
It wasn’t ‘one’ mistake. It was a long series of behaviors, and denials and cover-ups.
It was a pattern.
What really surprised me was how many people blinded themselves to the true core of the issue. It got brushed away or glossed over.
I understand … now. People invest into an idea, and they do not see how to un-invest without a loss of ‘face’, or a loss of anything that feels personal. Better to stick with the investment (emotional, physical, financial, social) than admit to being ‘wrong’. Easy to forget or negate or minimize the actual misconducts or lack of personal ethics.
Besides … we have different rules for the very rich and powerful. And people flock to them, supporting them, believing in them, hoping their chosen one will prove to be different in the long run.
My ex-hero did a great job hiding his actions for a long time.
Some men do not even hide what they are, and still …. People ‘normalize’ and ‘minimize’ and ‘gloss over’ their actions. Because too much energy has been invested. Too much need of … something.
No one wants to see anything that undermines the illusions.
I didn’t want to see, either.
It hurt to see it. It hurt to acknowledge it.
It would have hurt me far more deeply to gloss over it or minimize it, and say, “oh boys will be boys”. It isn’t okay. To betray, to lie, to use power to excuse unethical behavior. Not. Okay.
But it is accepted by so many that it becomes normal.
After seeing the events of 2016, it seems that many chose the course to endorse a man who betrays every idea and ideal that I believe in.
It is a hard lesson. Hard to understand. Hard to comprehend. Hard to not feel so lost and bewildered by the lies and cruelty and the people who say it is okay to be that way.
It is okay to have a President who betrays all ethics and values.
Both parties have betrayed it all.
Only one man had the heart and the ethics and the compassion.
The 'majority' chose not to endorse that.
It is this that I do not understand.
It will not diminish Love.
<3
I craved a Hero. Someone to save me, someone to protect me from the violence in my life, someone to make the pain fade. I poured my need into the image he created. He became everything Heroic, in both his on-screen life and his off-screen life.
I loved the stories of his extreme differences with his beautiful and intelligent wife, yet they made it work and were devoted to each other. I loved his dedication to success, rising from an obscure background and becoming an icon of what hard work and focus can accomplish.
I believed. Oh how I believed. I needed to believe. Desperately.
Almost twenty years of devotion, of keeping that concept alive. A place to go in my head when fear overwhelmed.
And then …. his pedestal shattered. And a part of me shattered with it.
The lie.
The tremendous Lie.
One lie became many lies. He betrayed all that I believed in.
Many made excuses for him … oh, just a typical man, and what do you expect? Oh he is a millionaire, of course he will behave like that. Oh he is a mega movie star, he has to be that way …
Ignore the lies and renew my faith? Make excuses and keep my illusions?
I grieved the loss of an ideal.
And I refused to accept that unethical behavior is excusable.
Everyone has a choice.
A choice in action, and a choice in condoning the actions.
Or not.
It wasn’t ‘one’ mistake. It was a long series of behaviors, and denials and cover-ups.
It was a pattern.
What really surprised me was how many people blinded themselves to the true core of the issue. It got brushed away or glossed over.
I understand … now. People invest into an idea, and they do not see how to un-invest without a loss of ‘face’, or a loss of anything that feels personal. Better to stick with the investment (emotional, physical, financial, social) than admit to being ‘wrong’. Easy to forget or negate or minimize the actual misconducts or lack of personal ethics.
Besides … we have different rules for the very rich and powerful. And people flock to them, supporting them, believing in them, hoping their chosen one will prove to be different in the long run.
My ex-hero did a great job hiding his actions for a long time.
Some men do not even hide what they are, and still …. People ‘normalize’ and ‘minimize’ and ‘gloss over’ their actions. Because too much energy has been invested. Too much need of … something.
No one wants to see anything that undermines the illusions.
I didn’t want to see, either.
It hurt to see it. It hurt to acknowledge it.
It would have hurt me far more deeply to gloss over it or minimize it, and say, “oh boys will be boys”. It isn’t okay. To betray, to lie, to use power to excuse unethical behavior. Not. Okay.
But it is accepted by so many that it becomes normal.
After seeing the events of 2016, it seems that many chose the course to endorse a man who betrays every idea and ideal that I believe in.
It is a hard lesson. Hard to understand. Hard to comprehend. Hard to not feel so lost and bewildered by the lies and cruelty and the people who say it is okay to be that way.
It is okay to have a President who betrays all ethics and values.
Both parties have betrayed it all.
Only one man had the heart and the ethics and the compassion.
The 'majority' chose not to endorse that.
It is this that I do not understand.
It will not diminish Love.
<3