Why am i so angry?
For the past year i have worked really really hard to turn my life around and it has been going well. It really has. I have lots of new friends that i love and that love me, and accept me with my faults and i accept them too! I have been very honest with all of them, and for once in my life i can say that they really know me. The real me. There was a time in my life where i felt i had to hide who i was because of my sexual orientation, and i was afraid to be teased for it. i mean, the only reason i even told my mom i was gay was because i was forced to. Since middle school i was ashamed of who i was, and if i was ashamed of me, then everyone else would be too. I take the blame for being a bad person a year or two ago, and for fucking up friendships because i was ashamed of myself and didnt want to admit who i was and what i had done wrong. Love is blind sometimes. And sometimes we will go the extra mile to cover things up, even if its just to please another person who you love. This is why i have taken what i have learned and used it to my benefit. I have fucked over friends, been fucked over, (just as we all have im sure) and honestly i had never felt more ashamed in my life about that. I would have been less ashamed if i hadnt lied about who i was and what i was doing, or who i was doing at the time. Its funny how it all works out huh? I wouldnt go back and change anything if i could, because this was a great but HARD lesson to learn.
Im just so angry because its taken so much effort to come out of my shell and say, ok, this is me if you dont like me, then leave me alone. All of it was slapped in my face last night. Im sorry, but i would never call someone who was a good friend of mine a bitch. I would never tell her to fuck off unless i was kidding cause you know me. i like to kid like that... I do not fake who i am anymore. I wish some of them could see me now for me. You know, i did have one friend at one time who i told everything to. EVERYTHING from day one of my friendship with her, and she fucked me over as well. She ran around telling my shit to everyone, and even telling my old group of friends things that i would never say. I guess i am just back to square one. Trust no one.
Im just so angry because its taken so much effort to come out of my shell and say, ok, this is me if you dont like me, then leave me alone. All of it was slapped in my face last night. Im sorry, but i would never call someone who was a good friend of mine a bitch. I would never tell her to fuck off unless i was kidding cause you know me. i like to kid like that... I do not fake who i am anymore. I wish some of them could see me now for me. You know, i did have one friend at one time who i told everything to. EVERYTHING from day one of my friendship with her, and she fucked me over as well. She ran around telling my shit to everyone, and even telling my old group of friends things that i would never say. I guess i am just back to square one. Trust no one.