(no subject)
Title: Child at Heart Chapter 3
Rating: PG-13 for language
Length: 1350 words roughly
Pairing: HanHae
Summary: Han Geng thinks that Donghae would make a good little brother, and denies that his affections could lay in any other direction. Unfortunately for him, he may just find that you should be careful what you ask for, Some wishes have a nasty habit of coming true.
Donghae quickly makes his way to his room, drops his bags on the bed, and comes back down the stairs, stone clutched in his fist.
He wonders what Leeteuk had wanted to talk to Han Geng about. He laughs a little. Geng hyung had probably thought he was being sneaky, sending him off like that.
But Donghae sees a lot more, knows a lot more than anybody realizes, catching gazes flown over his head, and hints dropped on the assumption that he wasn’t paying attention, things that his hyungs probably think he is too young, too naïve to understand.
He does of course, knows more about situations and the way things work than many people do. But he also doesn’t see the point in acting all serious, just because he knows something. Just because you know something doesn’t mean that there isn’t more you don’t know, so what’s the point?
Donghae’s heart hurts every time he sees someone who has lost their spark, their wonder for the world, who just lives day to day, always serious, always practical. It seems like a sad way to live, always burdened down and heavy.
Donghae never wants to become that, to lose that sense of joy in the little things, to stop believing and wondering just what else there is to discover, what just might be around the next corner.
So he believes in aliens, believes in these little things that people call fake or stupid, lives every moment to the fullest, and retains that childlike sense of awe for the everyday things. And its amazing what people pass up sometimes in the spiral of seashell, the laughter of children, and the mystery of the unknown. Donghae thinks that he wouldn’t trade these small wonder for all the money in the world.
Its not hard, to act that way, to bring that aspect of his personality to the front. It’s a part of him, part of who he is, but not all of it. And if his band mates smile a little more, laugh a little louder, If Han Geng looks at him with soft eyes when he sees Donghae acting that way, well, thats just a plus isn’t it?
Under it all is a Donghae that most people don’t get to see, and Donghae doesn’t mind, because he secretly thinks that that Donghae can be dreadfully boring, always worrying about people, quiet, observant. This is the Donghae who is always watching, who barely gets the chance to flit across his face before someone asks him if he’s okay.
Donghae doesn’t mind, of course, He likes the bright cheerful version of himself a lot better anyway, But sometimes, the other Donghae likes to come out, and just sit and watch, to not bounce around, and just sit back and think. Its not often he gets that chance, but its enough for him.
Sometimes it gets a little bit tiring, But that’s just who he is. Even Donghae himself can’t understand his own contradictions sometimes, but he knows that they are there, and they work, somehow, so he doesn’t worry about it.
Donghae shakes his head a little and starts moving back down the stairs from where he had slowed to a stop. Really, he should pay more attention, instead of zoning out in the middle of doing stuff. Its forever getting him in trouble.
He puts an extra bounce in his step when he thinks of the day. He’d had so much fun, being able to get time alone with Han Geng. Even more than the stores, the places they had gone, Donghae had enjoyed the fact that he was with his hyung the most of it all. It would have been a fun day otherwise, but it was all more special for who he shared it with, one of the best ways to spend a day off that he could think of.
He’s feels a slight twinge of guilt at waking Han Geng up so early, but Han Geng didn’t seem to mind after a while so he brushes it off, and hums happily, going over the day in his head.
He feels himself flush a little at the memory of almost walking into the road, how embarassing. But Han Geng was watching him with those dark eyes, and Han Geng had looked so good today, even though he was pretty sure that jacket belonged to Zhou Mi and if it was anyone else, even Kyuhyun, Zhou Mi would fuss, but not with Geng, but it looked good and-
Off topic. Focus.
Yes, he knows why he nearly walked into the street. Han Geng hyung says a taxi almost hit him, but he wouldn’t know, couldn’t focus much past the memory of Han Geng’s hands on his arms and being jerked around to bump into Han Geng hyung’s chest. Which was a very nice chest. And he had been pressed up against it, and damn he wished it hadn’t had been winter, because there were too may LAYERS and-
Again with the getting distracted. Pay attention Donghae!
Donghae knows his relationship with Geng is different than that of his other hyungs.
As much as Donghae watches people, he watches Han Geng even more, and lately he’s noticed this look in Han Geng’s eyes when the other man looks at him.
He’s not entirely sure what it means, but he’s seen similar looks. In his mother’s eyes as she watched his father come through the door after work when he was younger, in her eyes every time she visited the hospital, in her eyes when they had lowered him into the earth.
He had seen that look in his father’s eyes. In his father’s eyes as he watched his wife read his children bed time stories, and tuck them into bed. In is fathers eyes every time his mother entered the room, even when he was so sick,, opening his eyes was all he could do. And Donghae was sure, that that look had been in his father’s eyes, as he drew his last breath.
Donghae hopes, prays to God, that he isn’t misreading this. To please, please, let him be right.
Because he knows he’s been looking at Han Geng like that for years.
Donghae reaches the door to the kitchen, but stops right around the edge, when he hears Leeteuk and Han Geng talking.
“Hannie~ You think Donghae is cute?”
Donghae sucks in a breath, hope caught in his chest. Maybe, finally, he’d get proof. That what Han Geng felt was more than just friends. It doesn’t matter if Han Geng doesn’t say it to his face. He’d do anything, anything, to get Han Geng to love him back.
“He’s like my brother, Leeteuk. Seriously, nothing more than that, ever. I think the fan girls are getting to you.”
The words slither into his chest, and strike , fangs bared and tearing into his heart, because only for Han Geng, that one person, not even the open door way that Donghae left for his friends existed, Donghae’s heart being left completely vulnerable to the man, as much Han Geng‘s at it was Donghae‘s own…
If he wanted it.
“Whatever you say Geng.”
When Han Geng doesn't say any else the hope that had been caught in Donghae's chest solidifies into a lump in his throat, jagged edges clawing painfully as he sucks in a breath. He lets out the tiniest, bitter laugh, barely more than exhale. Had he been wrong after all?
He doesn’t know, he’d been so sure, but here was proof, from Han Geng’s own mouth, that it had been a mistake.
Damn it. Damn it.
He can feel the makings of tears stinging at the corners of his eyes, but he forces them back down, farther, just a little farther. A few minutes is all. Just a few, and then he can let go. Steadies his breathe, straightens his back.
It takes a couple of tries but he even manages a smile as he enters the kitchen.
He’d do anything to make Han Geng love him after all.
Even if it wasn’t the way he wanted him to.
A/N
Haha, So here is some Donghae POV, and you'll get a few more fo these throughout the fic, but it's mostly written from Geng side of the story.
Providing some insight into Whats Going with Hae here, and the conflict is starting, and I don't think Geng is gonna be too happy with the results of what he said haha~
Tried not to make Donghae toooo Emo/melodramatic... but.. I dunno, I'm addict for cheesy Angsty cliches, so it most likely snuck in there some how.
Next chapter will be back to Geng's POV though, so Enjoy
Rating: PG-13 for language
Length: 1350 words roughly
Pairing: HanHae
Summary: Han Geng thinks that Donghae would make a good little brother, and denies that his affections could lay in any other direction. Unfortunately for him, he may just find that you should be careful what you ask for, Some wishes have a nasty habit of coming true.
Donghae quickly makes his way to his room, drops his bags on the bed, and comes back down the stairs, stone clutched in his fist.
He wonders what Leeteuk had wanted to talk to Han Geng about. He laughs a little. Geng hyung had probably thought he was being sneaky, sending him off like that.
But Donghae sees a lot more, knows a lot more than anybody realizes, catching gazes flown over his head, and hints dropped on the assumption that he wasn’t paying attention, things that his hyungs probably think he is too young, too naïve to understand.
He does of course, knows more about situations and the way things work than many people do. But he also doesn’t see the point in acting all serious, just because he knows something. Just because you know something doesn’t mean that there isn’t more you don’t know, so what’s the point?
Donghae’s heart hurts every time he sees someone who has lost their spark, their wonder for the world, who just lives day to day, always serious, always practical. It seems like a sad way to live, always burdened down and heavy.
Donghae never wants to become that, to lose that sense of joy in the little things, to stop believing and wondering just what else there is to discover, what just might be around the next corner.
So he believes in aliens, believes in these little things that people call fake or stupid, lives every moment to the fullest, and retains that childlike sense of awe for the everyday things. And its amazing what people pass up sometimes in the spiral of seashell, the laughter of children, and the mystery of the unknown. Donghae thinks that he wouldn’t trade these small wonder for all the money in the world.
Its not hard, to act that way, to bring that aspect of his personality to the front. It’s a part of him, part of who he is, but not all of it. And if his band mates smile a little more, laugh a little louder, If Han Geng looks at him with soft eyes when he sees Donghae acting that way, well, thats just a plus isn’t it?
Under it all is a Donghae that most people don’t get to see, and Donghae doesn’t mind, because he secretly thinks that that Donghae can be dreadfully boring, always worrying about people, quiet, observant. This is the Donghae who is always watching, who barely gets the chance to flit across his face before someone asks him if he’s okay.
Donghae doesn’t mind, of course, He likes the bright cheerful version of himself a lot better anyway, But sometimes, the other Donghae likes to come out, and just sit and watch, to not bounce around, and just sit back and think. Its not often he gets that chance, but its enough for him.
Sometimes it gets a little bit tiring, But that’s just who he is. Even Donghae himself can’t understand his own contradictions sometimes, but he knows that they are there, and they work, somehow, so he doesn’t worry about it.
Donghae shakes his head a little and starts moving back down the stairs from where he had slowed to a stop. Really, he should pay more attention, instead of zoning out in the middle of doing stuff. Its forever getting him in trouble.
He puts an extra bounce in his step when he thinks of the day. He’d had so much fun, being able to get time alone with Han Geng. Even more than the stores, the places they had gone, Donghae had enjoyed the fact that he was with his hyung the most of it all. It would have been a fun day otherwise, but it was all more special for who he shared it with, one of the best ways to spend a day off that he could think of.
He’s feels a slight twinge of guilt at waking Han Geng up so early, but Han Geng didn’t seem to mind after a while so he brushes it off, and hums happily, going over the day in his head.
He feels himself flush a little at the memory of almost walking into the road, how embarassing. But Han Geng was watching him with those dark eyes, and Han Geng had looked so good today, even though he was pretty sure that jacket belonged to Zhou Mi and if it was anyone else, even Kyuhyun, Zhou Mi would fuss, but not with Geng, but it looked good and-
Off topic. Focus.
Yes, he knows why he nearly walked into the street. Han Geng hyung says a taxi almost hit him, but he wouldn’t know, couldn’t focus much past the memory of Han Geng’s hands on his arms and being jerked around to bump into Han Geng hyung’s chest. Which was a very nice chest. And he had been pressed up against it, and damn he wished it hadn’t had been winter, because there were too may LAYERS and-
Again with the getting distracted. Pay attention Donghae!
Donghae knows his relationship with Geng is different than that of his other hyungs.
As much as Donghae watches people, he watches Han Geng even more, and lately he’s noticed this look in Han Geng’s eyes when the other man looks at him.
He’s not entirely sure what it means, but he’s seen similar looks. In his mother’s eyes as she watched his father come through the door after work when he was younger, in her eyes every time she visited the hospital, in her eyes when they had lowered him into the earth.
He had seen that look in his father’s eyes. In his father’s eyes as he watched his wife read his children bed time stories, and tuck them into bed. In is fathers eyes every time his mother entered the room, even when he was so sick,, opening his eyes was all he could do. And Donghae was sure, that that look had been in his father’s eyes, as he drew his last breath.
Donghae hopes, prays to God, that he isn’t misreading this. To please, please, let him be right.
Because he knows he’s been looking at Han Geng like that for years.
Donghae reaches the door to the kitchen, but stops right around the edge, when he hears Leeteuk and Han Geng talking.
“Hannie~ You think Donghae is cute?”
Donghae sucks in a breath, hope caught in his chest. Maybe, finally, he’d get proof. That what Han Geng felt was more than just friends. It doesn’t matter if Han Geng doesn’t say it to his face. He’d do anything, anything, to get Han Geng to love him back.
“He’s like my brother, Leeteuk. Seriously, nothing more than that, ever. I think the fan girls are getting to you.”
The words slither into his chest, and strike , fangs bared and tearing into his heart, because only for Han Geng, that one person, not even the open door way that Donghae left for his friends existed, Donghae’s heart being left completely vulnerable to the man, as much Han Geng‘s at it was Donghae‘s own…
If he wanted it.
“Whatever you say Geng.”
When Han Geng doesn't say any else the hope that had been caught in Donghae's chest solidifies into a lump in his throat, jagged edges clawing painfully as he sucks in a breath. He lets out the tiniest, bitter laugh, barely more than exhale. Had he been wrong after all?
He doesn’t know, he’d been so sure, but here was proof, from Han Geng’s own mouth, that it had been a mistake.
Damn it. Damn it.
He can feel the makings of tears stinging at the corners of his eyes, but he forces them back down, farther, just a little farther. A few minutes is all. Just a few, and then he can let go. Steadies his breathe, straightens his back.
It takes a couple of tries but he even manages a smile as he enters the kitchen.
He’d do anything to make Han Geng love him after all.
Even if it wasn’t the way he wanted him to.
A/N
Haha, So here is some Donghae POV, and you'll get a few more fo these throughout the fic, but it's mostly written from Geng side of the story.
Providing some insight into Whats Going with Hae here, and the conflict is starting, and I don't think Geng is gonna be too happy with the results of what he said haha~
Tried not to make Donghae toooo Emo/melodramatic... but.. I dunno, I'm addict for cheesy Angsty cliches, so it most likely snuck in there some how.
Next chapter will be back to Geng's POV though, so Enjoy