Sunny skies...

[melodymaiden]

To continue in the tone of my last entry... I'm doing well. My heart is hurting a little, but I'm okay. And I know that everything will be okay in time. I'm discovering more and more of who I really am every day. And I'm beginning to accept the core things about myself that I know I can't change, no matter how hard I may try. Certain aspects of me are the cornerstones of who I am, and as hard as I may try to crumble them, they stand firm. Accepting that and learning how to procure the best possible sides of these aspects, the positive points, is all I can really do. And that in itself does so much. I am beginning to be-dare I say- "happy" with who I am. The active process of finding myself began probably six months ago really. I made some questionable decisions along the way, but none that I can say that I regret. I've learned so much and I wouldn't ever trade those lessons for the naivette that used to define me. I'm thankful for the people in my life who helped me to see things about myself-whether those things are good, bad, or just things. I appreciate the efforts that have been made on my behalf, regardless of how large or small the contribution. I have really learned who I can count on and who truly cares. There have definitely been some surprises in this. Some of you who read this probably don't think I'm including you in the "people i can count on" category, but you might be surprised... I've learned a lot about trust, too. When to give it, how to get it and keep it, when you know you have it and when you know you don't. I've learned some hard lessons along with some fun ones. I'm still very much in the self-discovery process, and I don't expect to be finished with it any time soon, but I'm making some progress. I'm learning how to collectively listen to the whispers of my soul, longings of my heart, promptings of my conscience and logic of my brain. When you pay attention to all of them instead of focusing on just one, it's amazing how much clearer a picture can seem.
I am definitely looking up. I see sunny skies ahead of me... I know I'll hit some thunderheads along the way, I'm experiencing showers as we speak, but there is an end to the lonliness and depression that's consumed me for so long. I'm finding my way out-and it feels so good.
I love you all. Goodnight.