(no subject)
I came to a lot of decisions today. Mainly about me, very little about any situational things. I decided that I really need to just shut the fuck up sometimes. I need to stop worrying about everything in life, and I especially-if i can't stop- need to stop voicing these worries. All it does is piss people off and make me more worried than I was in the first place. So I'm going to stop. Life is going to happen. Situations that suck will arise. That's just how it goes. So why worry about it? I was thinking about that at work this evening.
I also need to stop caring so much about what people think. I need to stop saying I'm sorry, stop guarding my speech and start saying what I mean. If people can't deal with me being real, then they aren't people I want around anyway. So I'm going to start saying what I'm thinking. If it pisses people off in the process, too damn bad. They can go cry. Because I'm sick of being a pleaser. I love and I love immensely. All of my relationships feel this love. But most of them also feel me being passive and weak, and that is an image I have to kill a little bit. I do get angry and I do have things to say to a lot of people. And I don't feel the need to guard my tongue anymore. Because what's the point of a friendship or any other relationship if you can't be real? If others can't take honesty, fuck them. Because faking it just doesn't cut it.
Anyway... the point is, I'm going to try my best to stop the worrying and apologizing... because it's even starting to piss me off. And you know you're pretty damned annoying when you can piss yourself off. I'm not going to become some psycho bitch. I'm just going to say what I feel, stand up for myself a bit more than I do, and live a little more carefree if that's possible for me right now. Because I'm kinda stupid. And I'm sick of being stupid. I don't want this self-conscious side of me I've been showing a lot lately pushing away those I care about. And, on top of that, I don't want to drive myself crazy anymore. I don't have to be that way. So I'm choosing not to be. And I know it's a good decision.
Yay for semi-clearheadedness....
Right....
Goodnight.
I also need to stop caring so much about what people think. I need to stop saying I'm sorry, stop guarding my speech and start saying what I mean. If people can't deal with me being real, then they aren't people I want around anyway. So I'm going to start saying what I'm thinking. If it pisses people off in the process, too damn bad. They can go cry. Because I'm sick of being a pleaser. I love and I love immensely. All of my relationships feel this love. But most of them also feel me being passive and weak, and that is an image I have to kill a little bit. I do get angry and I do have things to say to a lot of people. And I don't feel the need to guard my tongue anymore. Because what's the point of a friendship or any other relationship if you can't be real? If others can't take honesty, fuck them. Because faking it just doesn't cut it.
Anyway... the point is, I'm going to try my best to stop the worrying and apologizing... because it's even starting to piss me off. And you know you're pretty damned annoying when you can piss yourself off. I'm not going to become some psycho bitch. I'm just going to say what I feel, stand up for myself a bit more than I do, and live a little more carefree if that's possible for me right now. Because I'm kinda stupid. And I'm sick of being stupid. I don't want this self-conscious side of me I've been showing a lot lately pushing away those I care about. And, on top of that, I don't want to drive myself crazy anymore. I don't have to be that way. So I'm choosing not to be. And I know it's a good decision.
Yay for semi-clearheadedness....
Right....
Goodnight.