And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those damn kids and their stupid dog.
Sometimes I have a hard time being myself. Not to mention that I hate labels as they make me want to scream bloody fucking murder. I have always been the type of girl who wears what she wants, does what she wants, says what she wants and damns the consecequences. That was my life from 2 to 22. For some reason...23 has felt like a gapeing hole in the rest of my life. I barely know anyone in real life anymore. I'm too dependent on Lj to create friendships which is just fucking ridiculous. I mean...nothing good ever comes of sitting on your ass and staring, but that's what I do. I mean, when I went to the Music Apprec. Party I started maybe 2 conversations...it took all the nerve I had to do that. I don't know what has happened to me and I don't know how to fix it. I mean, I knew that someday I would run out of energy and inspiration but I didn't expect it to be so long or so lonely and complicated. All I do is read and listen to CD's day and night...I tune out my dad while I'm driving so that I don't kill him. The only person I'm remotely myself around is LohQi and when I'm with him my nerves are screaming danger danger danger. Have I been burned too many times to trust? I know that the Addison's has sapped a lot of my physical energy (which was a big part of my personality) but I shouldn't feel this lost in life. Who am I anymore? I feel like faded wallpaper in a creaky old house, doomed to be ripped down and replaced. I try to write, but it's so spur of the moment that it just doesn't happen...except for what gets typed here.
Maybe I just need to get away.
Maybe I just need to get away.