I can be so stupid sometimes
I was always good at getting used to change. But I can honeslty say this is just to hard for me.I ruined so many friendships, I neglected the people I loved most for a stupid boy who was never happy.Now not only do I not have my best friend who was charley, but Lauren is having to play both sides by being friends with charley and his new girlfriend( who i might add had been friends with lauren for like 8 years) and still remain freinds with me. There are a few other people who I just completly lost, because I never made time for them. So now when I need my friends the most Im coming up short. There are a few of them who still help me, and still find the time to hang out with me and I love them to death. I just, I dont feel needed anymore.It doesnt help that Im still having problems dealing with this breakup. It wouldnt be so hard if he wasnt with Anna, and he wasnt happy. I guess its really bitchy of me to hope hes not happy, but because im so miserable its easy to hope he is too. Im being really imature about all of this I know, but Im only 16 and for a while I think I was under the impression that I wasnt, and that I was tougher than this.I think secretly I want him to be happy because I do love him, its just I need to know that im missed. I need to know that he at least cares that im still alive. I think I just need someone to care right about now, I also just need to have fun and get out of this house.