Jittery
I've been feeling really jittery inside the past couple of days.
I couldn't figure out, though it was the meds, but that has all leveled out. At least it FEELS like it has.
Then i realized this is going to be the last family road trip.
Tomorrow we drive to Georgia.
We're carrying my dad's ashes to my great aunt's house. She'll keep him until services sometime in the next month or two.
I didn't realize it until about 4 today when I was wracking my brain trying to figure out why I was feeling that way while also looking up directions to her house. My dad had always driven so none of us ever felt the need to know where we were going. Hell, I even drove there once and couldn't tell you how to get there.
I walked to our holding shelves to get a hold for a patron, put my hand on his book and my brain blurted out "This is the last family road trip"
I started bawling on the spot.
I don't like to cry in public let alone at work in a position where I can't run and hide.
So I sucked it up, because what else can you do, and walked back. I could tell on his face he couldn't figure out what happened between the time I was standing there smiling and when I came back all red faced and teary eyed.
I kept a lid on it until I got home.
Dad's voice is in my head asking me why I bothered to get a rental car when his blazer works fine.
I'm tempted to stick him in the backseat a mayonnaise jar. (Best not ask unless you get the reference.)
But the rental turned out to be a black VW Jetta. Which is more fitting than the Crown Vic we almost got.
Everything happens for a reason, right?
Part of me wants to throw a fit in the corner and scream that I'm not ready for this. Because I'm not.
I'm supposed to be a big girl, but I don't feel like one.
Mostly I just want my dad back. Flaws and all.
There's something I really want to say to everyone who still has their father.
Say what you need to today, no matter how hard it is to say. Even if they end up being around another 20 or 30 years...
Say it now so that you'll have peace when that time comes, so that you know...and you know that they know.
I really can't imagine what my brother is going through...because he didn't.
And I did, and I'm better for having done it.
I couldn't figure out, though it was the meds, but that has all leveled out. At least it FEELS like it has.
Then i realized this is going to be the last family road trip.
Tomorrow we drive to Georgia.
We're carrying my dad's ashes to my great aunt's house. She'll keep him until services sometime in the next month or two.
I didn't realize it until about 4 today when I was wracking my brain trying to figure out why I was feeling that way while also looking up directions to her house. My dad had always driven so none of us ever felt the need to know where we were going. Hell, I even drove there once and couldn't tell you how to get there.
I walked to our holding shelves to get a hold for a patron, put my hand on his book and my brain blurted out "This is the last family road trip"
I started bawling on the spot.
I don't like to cry in public let alone at work in a position where I can't run and hide.
So I sucked it up, because what else can you do, and walked back. I could tell on his face he couldn't figure out what happened between the time I was standing there smiling and when I came back all red faced and teary eyed.
I kept a lid on it until I got home.
Dad's voice is in my head asking me why I bothered to get a rental car when his blazer works fine.
I'm tempted to stick him in the backseat a mayonnaise jar. (Best not ask unless you get the reference.)
But the rental turned out to be a black VW Jetta. Which is more fitting than the Crown Vic we almost got.
Everything happens for a reason, right?
Part of me wants to throw a fit in the corner and scream that I'm not ready for this. Because I'm not.
I'm supposed to be a big girl, but I don't feel like one.
Mostly I just want my dad back. Flaws and all.
There's something I really want to say to everyone who still has their father.
Say what you need to today, no matter how hard it is to say. Even if they end up being around another 20 or 30 years...
Say it now so that you'll have peace when that time comes, so that you know...and you know that they know.
I really can't imagine what my brother is going through...because he didn't.
And I did, and I'm better for having done it.