(no subject)
Considering how monumental one's graduation from college is, I'm surprised to have made it this long without Neha asking me for an "end of college" entry. I suppose that the fact that she is in Cabo having fun instead of checking my lame lj every morning may have had something to do with her failure to notice my omission, but I've decided to write the entry anyway so that she can be pleasantly surprised whenever she stumbles across it :).
I returned to Harvard Square today in order to meet with the graduate student with whom I worked this past semester in the monkey lab. I'm asking her to prepare a letter of recommendation for me to go to grad school for psych after my 2 years of teaching. Anyway, it was really really hard being back on campus. I'm so not ready to leave that place behind. Right now, I'm thinking back to my senior year of high school when I was trying to decide where I would spend the next four years of my life, and I have to admit that I decided to go to Harvard with more than a few reservations. I was worried that everyone would be much smarter than I am and that they would all be either really snobby and judgmental or nerdy and weird (I'm kinda ashamed to admit it, but I was somehow under the impression that I was one of the cooler kids entering Harvard). Also, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to cut it in the competitive environment of the school.
Now that I've graduated and I'm sitting here in my dining room writing this entry when I should be packing for my move into my first apartment, I'm feeling really ambivalent about the fact that my diploma is nonchalantly sitting in the next room. On the one hand, I am really proud of myself and what I was able to accomplish through years of hard work, sleepless nights, and countless tears. What the diploma actually stands for sometimes hits me and I'm overcome with a sense of humility, because it is still hard for me to accept that I am Harvard-educated. I usually try to avoid talking about school because the name Harvard comes with so many stigmas and expectations. I have always kinda considered myself the inextraordinary (not a word?) of the bunch, but I have never felt more proud of myself than on the day of Commencement.
On the other hand, when I think about the diploma, I can't help but think about the fact that that one little piece of paper represents the fact that college is over, and no matter how sad it makes me, I can't go back. I think about how nice it was to live by the beautiful Charles River, and how almost every one of my best friends was within a 5 minute walk. I think about Benny telling obscene jokes, Jalex asking for hugs, Sellergren trying to annoy me by saying "I dunno, maybe later," and JDavies texting me "poop" every 10 minutes. I think about LB leaving me a note by my door freshman year when I was sad, Kristen coming to all my WE concerts, Anna carrying all the futons with me, Muriel calling me "Javier," Christine taking care of my cut on my knee, and Neha making the mirror face. I think about Victoria collecting enough Bauch Bucks for me to win Debauchery (just not in time!). I think about Haibo dancing to boybands, and then I can't help but think of Haibo in a tree, Haibo on a bike, and song request Haibo. I think about my surprise 21st birthday party, and the email that LB sent out to my Randolph friends. I think about June 14th, 2005, when Neha and I camped out in Times Square to meet BSB. I think about Zombie Musical, IM Crew, indoor soccer, river runs, Mean Girls, dance parties, easy bake oven, Anna's ripped jeans, free, e(m)missions, elbow pinches, shoulder kisses, mad hatters, and oreo sheet cake. I think about milkshakes bringing boys to the yard, the time Neha took her purse on a run, throwing Muriel's id out the window, the guy who tried to steal Victoria's water jug, and singing "All I Want for Christmas (Is You)" to Charles. I think about spending long nights on the patio, falling in love, playing guitar, walking back from Boston, and lying in bed, knowing that there are other things I probably should be doing, but really wanting nothing more than to be with him for a little while longer.
And all this from one little piece of paper.
I returned to Harvard Square today in order to meet with the graduate student with whom I worked this past semester in the monkey lab. I'm asking her to prepare a letter of recommendation for me to go to grad school for psych after my 2 years of teaching. Anyway, it was really really hard being back on campus. I'm so not ready to leave that place behind. Right now, I'm thinking back to my senior year of high school when I was trying to decide where I would spend the next four years of my life, and I have to admit that I decided to go to Harvard with more than a few reservations. I was worried that everyone would be much smarter than I am and that they would all be either really snobby and judgmental or nerdy and weird (I'm kinda ashamed to admit it, but I was somehow under the impression that I was one of the cooler kids entering Harvard). Also, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to cut it in the competitive environment of the school.
Now that I've graduated and I'm sitting here in my dining room writing this entry when I should be packing for my move into my first apartment, I'm feeling really ambivalent about the fact that my diploma is nonchalantly sitting in the next room. On the one hand, I am really proud of myself and what I was able to accomplish through years of hard work, sleepless nights, and countless tears. What the diploma actually stands for sometimes hits me and I'm overcome with a sense of humility, because it is still hard for me to accept that I am Harvard-educated. I usually try to avoid talking about school because the name Harvard comes with so many stigmas and expectations. I have always kinda considered myself the inextraordinary (not a word?) of the bunch, but I have never felt more proud of myself than on the day of Commencement.
On the other hand, when I think about the diploma, I can't help but think about the fact that that one little piece of paper represents the fact that college is over, and no matter how sad it makes me, I can't go back. I think about how nice it was to live by the beautiful Charles River, and how almost every one of my best friends was within a 5 minute walk. I think about Benny telling obscene jokes, Jalex asking for hugs, Sellergren trying to annoy me by saying "I dunno, maybe later," and JDavies texting me "poop" every 10 minutes. I think about LB leaving me a note by my door freshman year when I was sad, Kristen coming to all my WE concerts, Anna carrying all the futons with me, Muriel calling me "Javier," Christine taking care of my cut on my knee, and Neha making the mirror face. I think about Victoria collecting enough Bauch Bucks for me to win Debauchery (just not in time!). I think about Haibo dancing to boybands, and then I can't help but think of Haibo in a tree, Haibo on a bike, and song request Haibo. I think about my surprise 21st birthday party, and the email that LB sent out to my Randolph friends. I think about June 14th, 2005, when Neha and I camped out in Times Square to meet BSB. I think about Zombie Musical, IM Crew, indoor soccer, river runs, Mean Girls, dance parties, easy bake oven, Anna's ripped jeans, free, e(m)missions, elbow pinches, shoulder kisses, mad hatters, and oreo sheet cake. I think about milkshakes bringing boys to the yard, the time Neha took her purse on a run, throwing Muriel's id out the window, the guy who tried to steal Victoria's water jug, and singing "All I Want for Christmas (Is You)" to Charles. I think about spending long nights on the patio, falling in love, playing guitar, walking back from Boston, and lying in bed, knowing that there are other things I probably should be doing, but really wanting nothing more than to be with him for a little while longer.
And all this from one little piece of paper.