Okay, I'm not exactly the best person to tell you or advise you on anything at this moment since I accidentally pissed my dream away. Mind you, I lost my dream literally because of an accident that has me kind of disabled and besides the week I was in Houston, I've been a virtual shut in since it happened.
But let me tell you this:
When I got out of high school, my parents had a fit cuz I took a year off and did the usual "find myself" trip to Europe for a year. I was in the top 2% of my class and didn't go straight into college so they were pissed. However...
When I got back I flew threw college, turned my back on medical and went legal which pissed them off again, graduated law school and went into practice after I did the Public Defender route. My parents ranted that lawyers were a dime a dozen and I shot back "then lucky for me there are plenty of criminals in this state."
I made a hell of a lot of money but the argument was everything to me. I've always loved a good fight I guess. The money didn't mean shit to me. And I spent it like it didn't. I didn't put away much and after my accident I went through it quickly. Again - listen to those parents bitch about how unreliably childish I was with my money. Course they didn't complain when shit broke down on them or things came up and I forked over the cash, right?
So, tying this to your quandary:
I went my own way, did my own thing despite what everyone said and pretty much was shunned by everyone I know when I made my career choice. A lot said I wouldn't make it, be successful. To add insult to injury, I got a divorce from my 1st husband and lost my remaining friends to my ex-husband and they knew me for years before I was with him. But you know what? Fuck em! All the times I was there for them and they turned their backs on me - fuck them, they were never friends if they turned away so easily.
Granted, I did well, it very easily could've turned out differently. I tend to get bored easily and turn away from what I am currently doing. Like for instance, when I graduated law school - I went into accounting first before it bored me and I opened my practice. Another piss off to the parents.
The way I looked at it - it was my choice. I decide the bottom line for me and no one else. And it is far better to try and fail then not to try at all. Turning your back on something that is important to you due to outside influences is really the failure not the trying and failing.
Fuck em if they see you fuck up. At least you can hold your head up and say that you tried. If you want to better your life then you've got to try. Unfortunately it doesn't just fall into our laps like it does other people. We actually have to stick our necks out there and do something.
I don't mean to sound preachy, babe. Just my thoughts and they might not pertain to your situation but maybe, just maybe I elaborated enough to make our lines converge.
You have no idea just how much I got from your comment...Your comment is what I wanted...I didn't want someone to sugar coat something and say "go for your dreams" and be all disney...I wanted the truth...
I listened alot to what you were saying...and your right...I'm just terrified of making a wrong decision...but the fact is I've come to the decision to go for it when I get the money to pursue it...The fact is I may not be good at it, but I can't continue not knowing...
Not to get all sad story on you, but I guess it's just my whole life I've been considered the "Fuck Up" of the family...the kid who everyone expected to either end up in jail or homeless...the kid no one had any expectations for...so when I do "Fuck-Up" its like proving them right all over again...So I guess I've mentally put myself in that frame of everything I do is gonna "Fuck Up" on me sooner or later...but who knows...maybe there is a reason this dream hasn't died...maybe there is a reason I look up to the people I look up to...maybe this is all suppose to play out this way...
Again, your support means alot to me, and I really got so much out of your comment...your comment definitely gave me the second surge of courage I needed to be positive on my decision to go through with it...
We've got a lot in common. I was always the black sheep of the family but I was destined to either die or end up in jail. I was a very destructive and angry kid that fought all the time. Can't say that has vanished completely but at least I don't hit someone the instant they piss me off anymore.
It warms my heart that my words and experiences have helped you in some way. It sounded like you're going through now what I went through then. And tying a bow on something or sugar-coating it isn't very helpful not to mention it comes across as someone placating you. You don't need that and I feel sorry for anyone who does.
There's a saying that us older peeps have: Walking through life with rose-colored glasses on.
Ever heard of it? That is my mother and sister to a T! They were coddled their whole life, shielded from everything and now think that the world is just roses. Man, I don't see how people like that stay alive. I didn't grow up with money but I wasn't hurting either and yet I still picked up street smarts to go with the book smarts.
I get to choose if I want to deal with reality, not just be ignorant of it because that's the way I was raised. *shakes head* And you don't owe me anything, babe. Just know I always have an ear to listen and a word if you want my opinion. I don't push it on you.
Yeah, we definitely have alot in common, I know exactly what it feels like to be the black sheep in the family. I've always been the outsider, the black sheep, yadda yadda yadda...It was just something I was deemed with since birth, so I always felt like an outsider, still do sometimes...
Sounds like you got some anger issues like I do...I didn't come from a happy home at all, an alcoholic mother, a father who just didn't care (still doesn't), and all they did was fight. I raised my sister pretty much her whole life and did a good job of protecting her and sheltering her from the life I had...but because of my the home life it filled me with alot of anger, I use to take it out one of two ways by acting like a punk who had no respect or dignity for anyone including myself, or by punching anyone (besides my sister) who had something to say about it. I've gotten better at it, I hit walls now when I get angry, not the best solution and I have messed up wrists because of it, but I've learned to recognize my boiling point and step away.
It's funny you mentioned "Rose Colored Glasses", cause that's exactly how my parents are. I used to think my sister was that way, but now that she's older I'm realizing she saw alot of things and heard alot of things I tried my best to protect her from. My parents are still that way to this day, they think everything is just fine and dandy, as long as their lives are fine.
I'm kind of the same way, I don't ignore the reality of it, I actually prefer to know the reality more than anything so I can prepare myself for anything that might get tossed my way...
I might take you up on that offer for you to listen if I ever need to talk, I don't have alot of people in my life that let me vent and talk...the few that I have are mostly online friends which I've realized is better cause then I can write my feelings out exactly...
Again, you've given me some wonderful advice, I mean it's no longer a question of "If" I'm gonna do it, right now it's simply a waiting game until we can get the money to enroll...
You know its bizarre but I really had no reason for all the anger I had in my childhood. My parents were both cool - my dad a little closed off emotionally and my mother wasn't worth a shit as a listener but they were good parents.
I am fond of saying that I was born rotten. Let me explain. I was literally born rotten, sick at birth. I needed my tonsils removed at a few months but they of course don't do that until you're at least 3 cuz of the anesthesia. So yeah, I was real sick for a very long time.
Didn't hold me back though but I always felt awful and I think that is where my anger came from. Add to that I became a real bully and always got blamed for anything that my sister did to my brother since I was the known troublemaker. Really pissed me off.
Anywhoo, I'm always here if you need me. I wish I could say I checked my flist daily but I don't so if you need to direct me to a post just message me, babe.
But let me tell you this:
When I got out of high school, my parents had a fit cuz I took a year off and did the usual "find myself" trip to Europe for a year. I was in the top 2% of my class and didn't go straight into college so they were pissed. However...
When I got back I flew threw college, turned my back on medical and went legal which pissed them off again, graduated law school and went into practice after I did the Public Defender route. My parents ranted that lawyers were a dime a dozen and I shot back "then lucky for me there are plenty of criminals in this state."
I made a hell of a lot of money but the argument was everything to me. I've always loved a good fight I guess. The money didn't mean shit to me. And I spent it like it didn't. I didn't put away much and after my accident I went through it quickly. Again - listen to those parents bitch about how unreliably childish I was with my money. Course they didn't complain when shit broke down on them or things came up and I forked over the cash, right?
So, tying this to your quandary:
I went my own way, did my own thing despite what everyone said and pretty much was shunned by everyone I know when I made my career choice. A lot said I wouldn't make it, be successful. To add insult to injury, I got a divorce from my 1st husband and lost my remaining friends to my ex-husband and they knew me for years before I was with him. But you know what? Fuck em! All the times I was there for them and they turned their backs on me - fuck them, they were never friends if they turned away so easily.
Granted, I did well, it very easily could've turned out differently. I tend to get bored easily and turn away from what I am currently doing. Like for instance, when I graduated law school - I went into accounting first before it bored me and I opened my practice. Another piss off to the parents.
The way I looked at it - it was my choice. I decide the bottom line for me and no one else. And it is far better to try and fail then not to try at all. Turning your back on something that is important to you due to outside influences is really the failure not the trying and failing.
Fuck em if they see you fuck up. At least you can hold your head up and say that you tried. If you want to better your life then you've got to try. Unfortunately it doesn't just fall into our laps like it does other people. We actually have to stick our necks out there and do something.
I don't mean to sound preachy, babe. Just my thoughts and they might not pertain to your situation but maybe, just maybe I elaborated enough to make our lines converge.
*hugs*
Dee
Reply
I listened alot to what you were saying...and your right...I'm just terrified of making a wrong decision...but the fact is I've come to the decision to go for it when I get the money to pursue it...The fact is I may not be good at it, but I can't continue not knowing...
Not to get all sad story on you, but I guess it's just my whole life I've been considered the "Fuck Up" of the family...the kid who everyone expected to either end up in jail or homeless...the kid no one had any expectations for...so when I do "Fuck-Up" its like proving them right all over again...So I guess I've mentally put myself in that frame of everything I do is gonna "Fuck Up" on me sooner or later...but who knows...maybe there is a reason this dream hasn't died...maybe there is a reason I look up to the people I look up to...maybe this is all suppose to play out this way...
Again, your support means alot to me, and I really got so much out of your comment...your comment definitely gave me the second surge of courage I needed to be positive on my decision to go through with it...
Thank you so much...
I owe you one...
Reply
It warms my heart that my words and experiences have helped you in some way. It sounded like you're going through now what I went through then. And tying a bow on something or sugar-coating it isn't very helpful not to mention it comes across as someone placating you. You don't need that and I feel sorry for anyone who does.
There's a saying that us older peeps have: Walking through life with rose-colored glasses on.
Ever heard of it? That is my mother and sister to a T! They were coddled their whole life, shielded from everything and now think that the world is just roses. Man, I don't see how people like that stay alive. I didn't grow up with money but I wasn't hurting either and yet I still picked up street smarts to go with the book smarts.
I get to choose if I want to deal with reality, not just be ignorant of it because that's the way I was raised. *shakes head* And you don't owe me anything, babe. Just know I always have an ear to listen and a word if you want my opinion. I don't push it on you.
♥
Dee
Reply
Sounds like you got some anger issues like I do...I didn't come from a happy home at all, an alcoholic mother, a father who just didn't care (still doesn't), and all they did was fight. I raised my sister pretty much her whole life and did a good job of protecting her and sheltering her from the life I had...but because of my the home life it filled me with alot of anger, I use to take it out one of two ways by acting like a punk who had no respect or dignity for anyone including myself, or by punching anyone (besides my sister) who had something to say about it. I've gotten better at it, I hit walls now when I get angry, not the best solution and I have messed up wrists because of it, but I've learned to recognize my boiling point and step away.
It's funny you mentioned "Rose Colored Glasses", cause that's exactly how my parents are. I used to think my sister was that way, but now that she's older I'm realizing she saw alot of things and heard alot of things I tried my best to protect her from. My parents are still that way to this day, they think everything is just fine and dandy, as long as their lives are fine.
I'm kind of the same way, I don't ignore the reality of it, I actually prefer to know the reality more than anything so I can prepare myself for anything that might get tossed my way...
I might take you up on that offer for you to listen if I ever need to talk, I don't have alot of people in my life that let me vent and talk...the few that I have are mostly online friends which I've realized is better cause then I can write my feelings out exactly...
Again, you've given me some wonderful advice, I mean it's no longer a question of "If" I'm gonna do it, right now it's simply a waiting game until we can get the money to enroll...
Reply
I am fond of saying that I was born rotten. Let me explain. I was literally born rotten, sick at birth. I needed my tonsils removed at a few months but they of course don't do that until you're at least 3 cuz of the anesthesia. So yeah, I was real sick for a very long time.
Didn't hold me back though but I always felt awful and I think that is where my anger came from. Add to that I became a real bully and always got blamed for anything that my sister did to my brother since I was the known troublemaker. Really pissed me off.
Anywhoo, I'm always here if you need me. I wish I could say I checked my flist daily but I don't so if you need to direct me to a post just message me, babe.
Dee
Reply
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