Real Life
So I'm gonna warn ya right now this isn't gonna be a happy go lucky post like my last few ones...Real life has gotten me down lately...
Ya know 3 months ago, I left my old life behind and left everyone behind as I moved me and my sister to a new town, me busting my ass trying to make a life for not only myself but for my sister also. Times were rough, but then light at the end of the tunnel, I got two jobs and worked hard and started getting paid. I started thinking that for once maybe my life is working out, but then fate comes back and kicks me in the teeth.
The one job is closing down while the other has cut my hours. I find myself trying to pull off the amazing feat of trying to find a new job, in only a month's time...which I hate to be pessimistic but I don't see it happening. So my only other option if I don't find a job? Pack me and my sister up and move back to my father and stepmother's house...which I will literally go crazy if I have to do...I feel like a loser at is, and knowing my whole life my father has told me "You'll never make anything out of yourself" and now I might have to run back to his flippin house kills me...
So my father, mother and stepmother have already decided I aint gonna make anything out of myself, even though my sister doesn't admit it, I'm sure she thinks I'm a loser cause I can't even build a life for us...I'm ready just to give up...on everything...I've already decided if I have to move back I'm not telling any of my friends from my old life, cause I don't need them thinking I'm a loser too...I'm ready just to cut off contact with almost everyone except for people I know just over the internet, maybe one friend and my sister, just because I'm tired of all of them being dissappointed in me...
I'm ready to just give up on everything. Everyone keeps telling me "Oh don't give up"..."At least you tried" blah blah blah, yeah I tried and you know what I got out of it? I lost my whole life savings, worked two dead end jobs and I learned that no matter how HARD you try, or how much you determine yourself to rise above, life is always gonna come back and kick ME in the face! No matter how much I don't want to be a loser, and no matter how much I try to rise above it and prove myself, all I get is a kick in the face in the end...
I'm sorry if I'm whining, and I apologize if you're reading it...so I've decided I'm gonna try to find a new job, (but come on we all know it's hopeless), put on a smile through the holidays, watching my sister open all her HARDY presents and things, and then be a loser for the rest of my frickin life....why fight it? Might as well embrace it right, at least if I embrace it, I won't be let down.