TNA Live...a close encounter with Christian Cage...and introspect
Ok, so I really don't know how to explain this blog, but please feel free to continue reading, maybe you can explain it to me...
1- Why is it when something I have dreamed of, and really want gets thrown in my lap, I always choke and let the opportunity slip through my fingers? Then guess what happens? I regret not doing it, and dwell over my missed chance....
Let me explain a bit...There is this TNA wrestler named Christian Cage...*sigh* Christian Cage...the subject of many fantasies of mine...Dawn and I have been following his career for over 3 years now, and basically we've been in love with the guy for more than 3 years now...
So anyways, I digress before I get to excited talking about him...Dawn and I went to TNA live tonight, and to our pleasant surprise Christian Cage made an appearance...So after he appeared, Dawn and I had to leave cause I got a bit too excited and started having asthma problems, so we went out front to take a chill pill. As were walking around out front, I see Christian walk to the other side of the trailer across the street, and suddenly I see him begin to cross the street...He was literally 10 feet from us at the most, I nudged Dawn in the stomach, and what I thought was a whisper I said "Dude, it's Christian!", Dawn and I both looked at him as he crossed the road, and he looked right to us, due to the fact that we were the only ones there, and gave us his trademark smirk and a big smile. Which of course made me melt right there, as I squealed with delight. We watched him walk slowly across the road, as he kept looking at us smiling...I was SO red...This man I have been crushing on for over 3 years...I am so IN love with this man....He walked to the other side, still watching us, then he walked up the walkway, then came back down almost as if he was waiting for Dawn and I to make our move...I WANTED to soo bad! I wanted to run up to him and ask for a picture...but I couldn't do it...I froze! That was my chance to meet the man, that has been in numerous fantasies of mine, but what do I do? I freeze! I'm sure he would of took pictures with Dawn and I, since he was waiting around...and there where no other fans outside, since all of them were in the show...
Why couldn't I do it? I have always said if I had the chance to meet this man, I would do it in a heartbeat, but I couldn't move...Why was I such a chicken? Damn it! I wish I could of just made my move, and probably would of gotten me and my sister some real memories...
It pisses me off...I mean...This guy when he came out to the crowd, I got so excited I was literally shaking, but I get the chance to meet him and what do I do? I chicken out! Why am I so scared all the time?
I mean don't get me wrong...Me and Dawn got a special memory with the guy, cause we were the only ones that got to see him outside of the show, and he smiled right at us, and we know he saw us...us, not a crowd of people...US! I'm just glad I got to see him live, but I wish I would of took the chance when I got it...Why do I always miss those chances??
2- Speaking of Christian Cage, he brought another thought to mind. Ok, honestly he brings ALOT of thoughts to mind, but buried in all the dirty ones, is a legit one.
So why do I automatically assume when someone sees me take my asthma meds that they are gonna assume that I'm some sort of fat freak? Another example...yes using Christian Cage as an example...
So Dawn and I saw Christian cross the road and walk up the walkway, when he was out of sight, I pulled out my inhaler and took some puffs cause I was having some breathing problems. What I didn't notice, was that Christian Cage had walked back down the walkway, and was looking at Dawn and I...Yes, the man I've been crushing on for so long, saw one of my biggest weaknesses...He saw me take my asthma meds...I was horrified!
I literally bombarded Dawn with questions about the way he looked at me. My first question "Did he look at me like "Look at that asthma fat freak over there?" Dawn assured me that was not the look he gave me. Dawn states to this moment that the look on his face as he watched me take my meds was one of concern/interest...In her words she said "He looked like he was half concerned like "Oh I hope she's ok", and half interest like "Oh, she's got asthma". But even to this minute I just think , he must think I'm the biggest fattest freak he's ever seen, cause I had to take my medicine.
I know this has to do with my self hatred towards my asthma. I hate having it, and I hate showing that I have it. I wish I could take a pill, and get rid of it altogether, I feel so fat cause I have asthma...I feel like a big fat freak...so obviously Christian Cage and other people who watch me take my meds must think the same thing right?
3- So here's another one for you...why is my self esteem so bad that whenever someone sees me for the first time, I automatically think they must think I'm some kind of freak? I mean I know I'm freakishly tall, I know I'm a big girl, I know I'm not a knockout...but like tonight, when Christan Cage actually saw me, he didn't give me a freak look. I'm so used to when people see me to look at me like they've seen sasquatch itself, walking down the road wearing tighty whiteys. But do you believe when Christian saw me, he didn't look shocked, or even freaked out a little bit? Hell, even when I met Cena, or Batista they didn't give me the freak look either...so why am I always expectin it? it's to the point now, that when I don't get the look it's a big occasion...
I don't know...It's amazing how many thoughts one night of wrestling can bring out of ya...
Either that or the pity party I'm living in...
What's wrong with me?