Year In Review 2012
I've never done this meme before, but I've been trying to write a recap of my year and it's just not coming, so I thought this would be easier. And if I stick with it from here on out, I'll have a pretty good metric going, I think.
1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?
Ran a half-marathon, went kayaking, and took burlesque classes. That's really all I can think of right now.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any last year. I've made a couple this year, though. Maybe one of them needs to be "do more new things".
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
One or two.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My stepmother and an uncle (the first of my father's siblings to pass). Then I lost another uncle on Christmas day. But he was the most racist, abusive, alcoholic, chain-smoking asshole I've ever me, so I don't know if I count it as a loss. I hear the lung cancer had really mellowed him out, though.
5.What countries/states did you visit?
I've still never been out of the country, and honestly, we stayed pretty close to home most of the year. We hit Florida a couple of times (Disney once, the Keys once), North Carolina once (Asheville), Georgia once (Atlanta for D*C), Kentucky once (Holiday World), and Alabama quite regularly (family and friends in Huntsville). We were supposed to get in a trip to see my grandmother in Indiana right after Christmas, but she told me to postpone since they were having a blizzard so bad that they weren't even sending the plows out into it.
6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
Sanity. Courage. Drive.
7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The day my stepmother died, for obvious reasons. The election. The release of The Hobbit and the guy who saw me in my Arwen Angel gown and asked if I was married and said I was prettier than Arwen. Dragon*Con. Our Key West trip. Taking Jonah to Brewgrass for the first time.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finishing my first half-marathon and the related weight loss (total of 40 pounds lost for 2012). I wore my prom dress for New Year's Eve. :)
9. What was your biggest failure?
Good god, there are so many. Celeborn is clearing his throat loudly in the corner, but I don't know if he's my biggest failure. I think my biggest failure is just generally failing to do things I said I would for friends for whatever reasons.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Only minor, thank god.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Hmm, I don't know. Maybe our couch? Otherwise probably lumber and tiles that we used to remodel our patio or perhaps the travertine we used on the new hearth for the fireplace. Typically, money spent on our house is money well spent, as far as I'm concerned.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My dad. He's been a rock for so many of us even though of all of us, he has the most cause to fall to pieces. He's been patient with those who arguably don't deserve it. He's been supportive and comforting to those who didn't know where else to seek help. He's always calm and measured and has made so many difficult decisions with a level-headedness that I can only aspire to emulate.
13. Who's behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I think the general public attitude leading up to and immediately following the election was deplorable.
14. Where did most of your money go?
I don't know, probably home improvement, if we're talking about non-essential spending after bills are paid.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The Hobbit.
16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
Amanda Palmer's "Smile (Pictures or It Didn't Happen)" from the Theatre is Evil album with The Grand Theft Orchestra. But, if I'm really honest, that whole album was kind of my anthem for the year. I mean, I kind of trivially put "Smile..." above "Trout Heart Replica" or "Want It Back" or "From St. Kilda To Fitzroy" or "Lost". Actually, "Lost". That's the one.
17. Compared to this time last year are you?
Pretty much the same, but 40 pounds lighter and maybe a little more fragile, but that's hard to say.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Traveling. Hiking. Camping. Reading.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being depressed and apathetic.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
Chris' parents came up on Christmas Eve and my brother-in-law and his girlfriend came over Christmas day in the late afternoon for presents and an incredible dinner of smoked prime rib, roasted fingerling potatoes, Alton Brown's Brussels sprouts with bleu cheese and bacon (a now highly requested staple of every holiday meal) and a mixed green salad with a homemade holiday spiced dijion vinaigrette. Then we all played Mouse Trap (one of Jonah's Christmas presents) and had drinks and dessert before brother-in-law and his girlfriend eventually took off. We normally try to fit them in earlier in the day and they always have to rush off to her various family obligations. It was nice to have time with them for once.
21. Did you fall in love in 2012?
I did, all over again. Our Key West trip was like a second honeymoon... or a first one since we never really took one to begin with.
22. How many one-night stands.
Uh...
23. What was your favorite TV program?
Portlandia and Bob's Burgers tie for first.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate is a strong word and it smells bad, too.
25. What was the best book you read?
Cheryl Strayed's Wild
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Amanda Palmer, See above and see also:
It's ridiculous. I've followed her blog and her twitter and even "listened" to her music with Dresden Dolls for years, but she never really hooked me except from a philosophical and "married to Neil Gaiman" standpoint (though I followed her before they started dating). I backed her wildly successful Kickstarter for Theatre Is Evil and when the album came out, I was floored. It's easily her best work, but that's not to discount her other work. I don't know, I just never really heard her before this year. It never really sunk in. Was always just background music or something I listened to while waiting to listen to something else. I feel like things come to you as you're ready to accept them and she was one of those. I'm glad I finally came around because she's got a lot of awesome things to say in her music as well as her online outlets for expression.
27. What did you want and get?
A new sense of self. I still have a lot of work to do, but all the writing I did in 2012 was purely for the purpose of digging up long forgotten ghosts and imprisoning them on the page, allowing me to move forward freely. I called it my accidental memoir but really, it was free therapy sessions. I also call it my emancipation proclamation.
28. What did you want and not get?
A new garden for my raspberries. That's something that HAS to happen this year because the river birch they're under is big enough now to shade them out and I believe that's why we got a fraction of the fruit we usually do last year.
29. What was your favorite film this year?
The Hobbit.
30. What did you do for your birthday, and how old were you?
I think I tiled a patio and/or worked on framing out a deck. I know we went out to dinner, too. But there wasn't a big hurrah. I turned 31. That Mad Tea Party is still on the table for "someday". Maybe by the time I turn 35.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasureably more satisfying?
Finding my drive again. My desire to move forward instead of lying down and letting come what may.
32. What was your fashion concept for 2012?
Uh... I don't know. Does t-shirt and jeans count as a "fashion concept"? I did work on some original designs for special occasion dresses, though. I've got this asymmetrical black silk velvet dress to put together that I just found the most perfect embellishment for so I'll be finishing that soonish, maybe in time for the next Music City Burlesque show.
33. What kept you sane?
Writing and my tattoo that was done specifically for that purpose. For the most part, it's working. When I'm breaking down, I can stare at it and any feelings I have about giving up feel like a betrayal of what's now imbedded into my skin.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most.
Stoya. Yes, the porn star. And no not necessarily because of her porn. That's the least of her accomplishments, I think. I follow her blog. She's really well read and thinks and writes about really awesome things. Plus, she's gorgeous and without a hint of fake physicality.
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
The cult of ignorance, rape culture, and gun control.
36. Who do you miss?
"I miss my drummer, my dead step-brother, and the pit croooooooowwwd, and Chuck and Matty, if they could see me they'd be soooooo prooooooouuuuuud." *ahem* Sorry, still hearing "Lost" in my head.
No really, I miss my step-mother, of course. I still miss my mother on occasion, even though she's been dead for 18 years now. And Mary, who passed 14 years ago last week. And Mike and Beaudeatte and all the others who were taken too soon.
Most of all, I miss my best friend, Brandy, who is on the other side of the country. We talk in texts almost every day, but the distance between us has grown palpable.
I also miss myself, sometimes.
37. Who was the best new person you met?
Tough call. I met a lot of really great people. But I feel the most connected to Kayla from burlesque class. I don't know, we just clicked really well.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.
That dredging the deep wells of hurt in your memory can be more painful than the hurt was when you first went through it. But it's a necessary step in truly healing. For something to be created, you must first destroy what stands in the way. Out of the ashes... and all that jazz.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"No one's ever lost forever, they are caught inside your heart. If you garden them and water them, they make you what you are." - Amanda Palmer and The Grand Theft Orchestra from "Lost", of course.
Looking forward, I'm realizing just how much time I spent in my head last year. I have huge blocks of time that I feel like nothing happened because I spent that time writing out my inner thoughts or just sitting and thinking and meditating. It's nearly as bad as the years of my late teens and early 20s that were spent in a drug and alcohol haze, except I was completely sober. I found that even when I was with people, I wasn't really present. If there's one thing I want to do differently this year, it's that I want to be more present. I don't want to lose this introspection because I just wind up feeling shallow when I do that. But I need to find a way to balance that with sharing a life with the people I love. I feel like I've missed out on so much of your lives because I was so wrapped up in my own. I need to force myself out into the world more often.
As Amanda Palmer would say, namaste motherfuckers.
I need that on a shirt.
1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?
Ran a half-marathon, went kayaking, and took burlesque classes. That's really all I can think of right now.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any last year. I've made a couple this year, though. Maybe one of them needs to be "do more new things".
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
One or two.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My stepmother and an uncle (the first of my father's siblings to pass). Then I lost another uncle on Christmas day. But he was the most racist, abusive, alcoholic, chain-smoking asshole I've ever me, so I don't know if I count it as a loss. I hear the lung cancer had really mellowed him out, though.
5.What countries/states did you visit?
I've still never been out of the country, and honestly, we stayed pretty close to home most of the year. We hit Florida a couple of times (Disney once, the Keys once), North Carolina once (Asheville), Georgia once (Atlanta for D*C), Kentucky once (Holiday World), and Alabama quite regularly (family and friends in Huntsville). We were supposed to get in a trip to see my grandmother in Indiana right after Christmas, but she told me to postpone since they were having a blizzard so bad that they weren't even sending the plows out into it.
6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
Sanity. Courage. Drive.
7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The day my stepmother died, for obvious reasons. The election. The release of The Hobbit and the guy who saw me in my Arwen Angel gown and asked if I was married and said I was prettier than Arwen. Dragon*Con. Our Key West trip. Taking Jonah to Brewgrass for the first time.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finishing my first half-marathon and the related weight loss (total of 40 pounds lost for 2012). I wore my prom dress for New Year's Eve. :)
9. What was your biggest failure?
Good god, there are so many. Celeborn is clearing his throat loudly in the corner, but I don't know if he's my biggest failure. I think my biggest failure is just generally failing to do things I said I would for friends for whatever reasons.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Only minor, thank god.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Hmm, I don't know. Maybe our couch? Otherwise probably lumber and tiles that we used to remodel our patio or perhaps the travertine we used on the new hearth for the fireplace. Typically, money spent on our house is money well spent, as far as I'm concerned.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My dad. He's been a rock for so many of us even though of all of us, he has the most cause to fall to pieces. He's been patient with those who arguably don't deserve it. He's been supportive and comforting to those who didn't know where else to seek help. He's always calm and measured and has made so many difficult decisions with a level-headedness that I can only aspire to emulate.
13. Who's behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I think the general public attitude leading up to and immediately following the election was deplorable.
14. Where did most of your money go?
I don't know, probably home improvement, if we're talking about non-essential spending after bills are paid.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The Hobbit.
16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
Amanda Palmer's "Smile (Pictures or It Didn't Happen)" from the Theatre is Evil album with The Grand Theft Orchestra. But, if I'm really honest, that whole album was kind of my anthem for the year. I mean, I kind of trivially put "Smile..." above "Trout Heart Replica" or "Want It Back" or "From St. Kilda To Fitzroy" or "Lost". Actually, "Lost". That's the one.
Click to view17. Compared to this time last year are you?
Pretty much the same, but 40 pounds lighter and maybe a little more fragile, but that's hard to say.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Traveling. Hiking. Camping. Reading.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being depressed and apathetic.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
Chris' parents came up on Christmas Eve and my brother-in-law and his girlfriend came over Christmas day in the late afternoon for presents and an incredible dinner of smoked prime rib, roasted fingerling potatoes, Alton Brown's Brussels sprouts with bleu cheese and bacon (a now highly requested staple of every holiday meal) and a mixed green salad with a homemade holiday spiced dijion vinaigrette. Then we all played Mouse Trap (one of Jonah's Christmas presents) and had drinks and dessert before brother-in-law and his girlfriend eventually took off. We normally try to fit them in earlier in the day and they always have to rush off to her various family obligations. It was nice to have time with them for once.
21. Did you fall in love in 2012?
I did, all over again. Our Key West trip was like a second honeymoon... or a first one since we never really took one to begin with.
22. How many one-night stands.
Uh...
23. What was your favorite TV program?
Portlandia and Bob's Burgers tie for first.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate is a strong word and it smells bad, too.
25. What was the best book you read?
Cheryl Strayed's Wild
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Amanda Palmer, See above and see also:
It's ridiculous. I've followed her blog and her twitter and even "listened" to her music with Dresden Dolls for years, but she never really hooked me except from a philosophical and "married to Neil Gaiman" standpoint (though I followed her before they started dating). I backed her wildly successful Kickstarter for Theatre Is Evil and when the album came out, I was floored. It's easily her best work, but that's not to discount her other work. I don't know, I just never really heard her before this year. It never really sunk in. Was always just background music or something I listened to while waiting to listen to something else. I feel like things come to you as you're ready to accept them and she was one of those. I'm glad I finally came around because she's got a lot of awesome things to say in her music as well as her online outlets for expression.
27. What did you want and get?
A new sense of self. I still have a lot of work to do, but all the writing I did in 2012 was purely for the purpose of digging up long forgotten ghosts and imprisoning them on the page, allowing me to move forward freely. I called it my accidental memoir but really, it was free therapy sessions. I also call it my emancipation proclamation.
28. What did you want and not get?
A new garden for my raspberries. That's something that HAS to happen this year because the river birch they're under is big enough now to shade them out and I believe that's why we got a fraction of the fruit we usually do last year.
29. What was your favorite film this year?
The Hobbit.
30. What did you do for your birthday, and how old were you?
I think I tiled a patio and/or worked on framing out a deck. I know we went out to dinner, too. But there wasn't a big hurrah. I turned 31. That Mad Tea Party is still on the table for "someday". Maybe by the time I turn 35.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasureably more satisfying?
Finding my drive again. My desire to move forward instead of lying down and letting come what may.
32. What was your fashion concept for 2012?
Uh... I don't know. Does t-shirt and jeans count as a "fashion concept"? I did work on some original designs for special occasion dresses, though. I've got this asymmetrical black silk velvet dress to put together that I just found the most perfect embellishment for so I'll be finishing that soonish, maybe in time for the next Music City Burlesque show.
33. What kept you sane?
Writing and my tattoo that was done specifically for that purpose. For the most part, it's working. When I'm breaking down, I can stare at it and any feelings I have about giving up feel like a betrayal of what's now imbedded into my skin.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most.
Stoya. Yes, the porn star. And no not necessarily because of her porn. That's the least of her accomplishments, I think. I follow her blog. She's really well read and thinks and writes about really awesome things. Plus, she's gorgeous and without a hint of fake physicality.
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
The cult of ignorance, rape culture, and gun control.
36. Who do you miss?
"I miss my drummer, my dead step-brother, and the pit croooooooowwwd, and Chuck and Matty, if they could see me they'd be soooooo prooooooouuuuuud." *ahem* Sorry, still hearing "Lost" in my head.
No really, I miss my step-mother, of course. I still miss my mother on occasion, even though she's been dead for 18 years now. And Mary, who passed 14 years ago last week. And Mike and Beaudeatte and all the others who were taken too soon.
Most of all, I miss my best friend, Brandy, who is on the other side of the country. We talk in texts almost every day, but the distance between us has grown palpable.
I also miss myself, sometimes.
37. Who was the best new person you met?
Tough call. I met a lot of really great people. But I feel the most connected to Kayla from burlesque class. I don't know, we just clicked really well.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.
That dredging the deep wells of hurt in your memory can be more painful than the hurt was when you first went through it. But it's a necessary step in truly healing. For something to be created, you must first destroy what stands in the way. Out of the ashes... and all that jazz.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"No one's ever lost forever, they are caught inside your heart. If you garden them and water them, they make you what you are." - Amanda Palmer and The Grand Theft Orchestra from "Lost", of course.
Looking forward, I'm realizing just how much time I spent in my head last year. I have huge blocks of time that I feel like nothing happened because I spent that time writing out my inner thoughts or just sitting and thinking and meditating. It's nearly as bad as the years of my late teens and early 20s that were spent in a drug and alcohol haze, except I was completely sober. I found that even when I was with people, I wasn't really present. If there's one thing I want to do differently this year, it's that I want to be more present. I don't want to lose this introspection because I just wind up feeling shallow when I do that. But I need to find a way to balance that with sharing a life with the people I love. I feel like I've missed out on so much of your lives because I was so wrapped up in my own. I need to force myself out into the world more often.
As Amanda Palmer would say, namaste motherfuckers.
I need that on a shirt.