I just need prayers for peace, acceptance, clarity, and strength right now.
My stepmom, after failing to battle an attack of double pneumonia during her last round of chemo, is basically being kept alive by machines right now. It's only a matter of time and a couple of decisions at this point before she slips beyond.
I don't know what to do. I've been pushing it to the side all weekend, not sure what to do or how to feel. Do I stay or go out to Little Rock or wait until they're back in Huntsville? I feel like someone just yelled "QUICK, LOOK BUSY!" at me and I'm running back and forth like a lunatic. At other times, I feel completely frozen like a deer in headlights. I've been avoiding the inevitable and now it's here and I'm just numb.
My dad is about to have to make the same decision he had to make almost 17 years ago: to let go of the woman he loves, forever.
When I talked to him Thursday night, he sounded astoundingly at peace with it. He spoke casually of being powerless over when it was your time to die. I wanted to hug him through the phone.
I spoke with my oldest brother tonight who told me things were pretty much over and that it was only a matter of time before she passed on. The last time I spoke to my oldest brother was at his nephew's funeral last summer. He was a seventeen year old boy who was diagnosed with brain cancer around the same time Alicia was diagnosed with myeloma. He lasted about a year with his. It was two Easters ago that my stepmom told us what she was facing.
I don't really have much else to say right now, but I could use your thoughts and prayers. I love you all.
Oh, right, and just in case we needed a little something extra to deal with, my dad had surgery to remove cancerous tumors from his bladder the day we left for Disney. It's something that has a success rate similar to skin cancer, but still. There are treatments and monitoring he'll have to endure for the rest of his life to be sure it doesn't come back.
When it rains...
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