Because of the stars...
I've begun to think of horoscopes in the same way that I think of the various email subscriptions I get from writing sites/writers. It's kind of like a daily writing prompt, but for contemplation of things I wouldn't take the time to write out. Regardless of any basis in reality, it gets me thinking. So as my belief in them has waned over the years, I never unsubscribed. Thinking is not a bad thing. But everything in moderation.
Anyway, today here's what it says:
You're not sure why other people are making things so complicated today. It's easier for you to function when you can concentrate on your work, tempting you to avoid someone's emotional melodrama. You may not have a lot to say now, but you still can find the right words to explain why you need to withdraw from social interaction without offending those you love.
And because my horoscope said so, that's as good of an excuse as any to kind of commit to this idea I've been flirting with lately.
I feel like quitting all short forms of social networking for a few weeks (at minimum). I absolutely love being so in touch with so many of you. I'm so very grateful for things like Twitter and (begrudgingly) Facebook. You all seem less far away when I'm really keeping up with it and that makes me furiously happy (thank you, Jenny Lawson, for that perfect phrase).
But because I'm a human being, I have a certain level of conflict craving. As various links get passed around, the ones I'm bound to click on are the ones that inspire, usually. Sometimes, that's inspiration towards outrage (however just). Sometimes, it's inspiration towards something really and truly uplifting. Sometimes, it just inspires me to waste time on the internets. Then there are the accounts I follow that are mostly cynical humor or insights. I love cynicism. Perhaps a little too much. But, I find more and more often the things that stick with me are the things that offend me in some way. Believe me, there are many good reasons in this world to get offended. There are many things which should absolutely illicit outrage in people. But I'm kind of all outraged out.
I was talking to branflake the other day in texts and described being around negativity you couldn't escape was like living with a happiness black hole. You begin to fixate on the negativity. Often, those are the stronger feelings. Maybe you start to mistake it for passion. I don't know. I just know I'm feeling very off-balance lately and I'm finding myself in alternating cycles of anger and sadness. The second I realized some of the triggers, I began thinking about why and how I can fix it. Withdrawing a bit seems like the best course of action until I can find my balance again. I'm just feeling the need for some stillness right now.
Another thing I told branflake was that it would be nice to be in a coma for about a week. And then I realized I meant vacation. It's bad when you think even a vacation seems like too much effort and you'd just rather to go to sleep for about a week.
I've got a lot going on right now. After Christmas, I felt like I was looking at an empty, open highway. In truth, I had a huge backlog of stuff that needed finishing, but this is my skewed perception. A new year always feels like a clean slate. Anyway, I got really ambitious. I said yes to people a lot. I'm still doing that, to some degree. Or rather, still working my way through the work load that created. So, I find myself saying no a lot more. Don't get me wrong, I've loved everything I have taken on. It's all been good stuff. But I am an introvert at heart and I need to recharge for a bit.
I realize how difficult this makes friendships with me. But just know, if you reach out to me, I will absolutely give you my full attention and I will be genuinely happy to hear from you. I LOVE to hear from you. And that means anyone who can read this. However, I can not promise that I will be posting many updates anywhere but LJ. I need to move away from the short form for a bit. My thoughts just aren't compatible with it right now. By the same token, I'll probably be declaring a lot of social networking bankruptcy in the coming weeks (in other words, I'll just consider anything I miss to be missed and hope that it's nothing important).
So, if something happens that you want me to know about or you just want to say hello, send me an email or a text or a DM. I'll get all those. I won't stop checking that for sure. If you want my email address or number to keep in touch with me, feel free to message me. Like I said, I really do want to hear from you. I just can't keep up with everything right now. It's not good for my head. I realize how selfish that seems. A very one-sided friendship. I understand completely if it pisses you off to no end. But I need this break really badly. I promise it won't be forever.
That said, I have a lot more long, contemplative things I want to talk about. So if I can find the words and can observe the negativity without getting sucked in by it, I will still be posting those here.
There's that whole Buddhist saying:
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
And negativity is like a hot coal in a bed of unlit ones. It will inevitably spread to all the others around it. Fire doesn't put out fire. Calm blue ocean. All that jazz.
I should probably not listen to Tool in rush hour traffic, either.
Anyway, today here's what it says:
You're not sure why other people are making things so complicated today. It's easier for you to function when you can concentrate on your work, tempting you to avoid someone's emotional melodrama. You may not have a lot to say now, but you still can find the right words to explain why you need to withdraw from social interaction without offending those you love.
And because my horoscope said so, that's as good of an excuse as any to kind of commit to this idea I've been flirting with lately.
I feel like quitting all short forms of social networking for a few weeks (at minimum). I absolutely love being so in touch with so many of you. I'm so very grateful for things like Twitter and (begrudgingly) Facebook. You all seem less far away when I'm really keeping up with it and that makes me furiously happy (thank you, Jenny Lawson, for that perfect phrase).
But because I'm a human being, I have a certain level of conflict craving. As various links get passed around, the ones I'm bound to click on are the ones that inspire, usually. Sometimes, that's inspiration towards outrage (however just). Sometimes, it's inspiration towards something really and truly uplifting. Sometimes, it just inspires me to waste time on the internets. Then there are the accounts I follow that are mostly cynical humor or insights. I love cynicism. Perhaps a little too much. But, I find more and more often the things that stick with me are the things that offend me in some way. Believe me, there are many good reasons in this world to get offended. There are many things which should absolutely illicit outrage in people. But I'm kind of all outraged out.
I was talking to branflake the other day in texts and described being around negativity you couldn't escape was like living with a happiness black hole. You begin to fixate on the negativity. Often, those are the stronger feelings. Maybe you start to mistake it for passion. I don't know. I just know I'm feeling very off-balance lately and I'm finding myself in alternating cycles of anger and sadness. The second I realized some of the triggers, I began thinking about why and how I can fix it. Withdrawing a bit seems like the best course of action until I can find my balance again. I'm just feeling the need for some stillness right now.
Another thing I told branflake was that it would be nice to be in a coma for about a week. And then I realized I meant vacation. It's bad when you think even a vacation seems like too much effort and you'd just rather to go to sleep for about a week.
I've got a lot going on right now. After Christmas, I felt like I was looking at an empty, open highway. In truth, I had a huge backlog of stuff that needed finishing, but this is my skewed perception. A new year always feels like a clean slate. Anyway, I got really ambitious. I said yes to people a lot. I'm still doing that, to some degree. Or rather, still working my way through the work load that created. So, I find myself saying no a lot more. Don't get me wrong, I've loved everything I have taken on. It's all been good stuff. But I am an introvert at heart and I need to recharge for a bit.
I realize how difficult this makes friendships with me. But just know, if you reach out to me, I will absolutely give you my full attention and I will be genuinely happy to hear from you. I LOVE to hear from you. And that means anyone who can read this. However, I can not promise that I will be posting many updates anywhere but LJ. I need to move away from the short form for a bit. My thoughts just aren't compatible with it right now. By the same token, I'll probably be declaring a lot of social networking bankruptcy in the coming weeks (in other words, I'll just consider anything I miss to be missed and hope that it's nothing important).
So, if something happens that you want me to know about or you just want to say hello, send me an email or a text or a DM. I'll get all those. I won't stop checking that for sure. If you want my email address or number to keep in touch with me, feel free to message me. Like I said, I really do want to hear from you. I just can't keep up with everything right now. It's not good for my head. I realize how selfish that seems. A very one-sided friendship. I understand completely if it pisses you off to no end. But I need this break really badly. I promise it won't be forever.
That said, I have a lot more long, contemplative things I want to talk about. So if I can find the words and can observe the negativity without getting sucked in by it, I will still be posting those here.
There's that whole Buddhist saying:
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
And negativity is like a hot coal in a bed of unlit ones. It will inevitably spread to all the others around it. Fire doesn't put out fire. Calm blue ocean. All that jazz.
I should probably not listen to Tool in rush hour traffic, either.