Me? In denial? Who knew?
Home from Playgroup and ready to cry crying. Lots of questions about my summer and how I'm doing and I told The Story two or three times. It wasn't until the coffee wore off and everyone was gone that I realized I'm really *not* ok with the miscarriage.
I want to be ok. I need to be ok. But you know what? I lost the freaking baby I've been waiting TWELVE YEARS for and I'm not ok. I've earned the right, over those years and in the hell that was the first 24 hours of that miscarriage to not be ok. I'm not going to wallow but I am damn well going to allow myself the gift of being sad about what happened.
So yeah... not ok. Angry, frustrated, sad and scared and eventually nearly ok but for now -- NOT ok.
M.