the confessions of one fed up girl

[melloyello324]

I'm sorry but this is getting really sad. I'm so frustrated with this whole situation that I don't even remember what got me into it. I'm starting to forget what made me so addicted to you. Thats a lie. I'll never forget that. Even when I'm 112 and you are nothing but a microscopic fragment of my life, even then, i think i'll still remember the way you looked at me and the way you were able to make me forget all of the shit that ended June and make me believe that August 11th was forever away. more importantly, you made me believe that from june 30th-august 11th was all that mattered. you didnt give me the choice to think about the future or the past. you made me forget everything. right there. "the present's just a pleasant interruption to the past"(Something Corporate) I am so fucking tired of waiting for you. I am so fucking tired of hoping that everything will just magically go back to the way it was without explanation. I DO NOT NEED ANOTHER REASON TO MISS HOME. I hate that you make me feel this way, i hate that i let you. and you know what sucks is that i dont even let you anymore. "I can see right through you, you're making your way over again" (The Early November) i wanted to give up a long time ago and then i would catch myself thinking about you and us and everything and i hate you for that i hate me for that. I'm so angry with myself. "you'd like to think that you were invincible, yeah, well weren't we all once, before we felt lost for the first time"(Dashboard Confessional) no, Dashboard I wouldnt like to think I am invincible, in fact i hope to God I'm not invincible and that i'll get knocked off my feet one day, but not like this. this is not how it is suppose to happen. get real kelsey, THIS IS NOVEMBER 23rd!!! for real, am i the only one of us who feels like everything between us is still unresolved? To be honest I didn’t think I would still feel like this after 3 months of basically nothing. But I do and I don’t know why, I can’t figure any of it out and I hate it. I really thought that I was gonna get out of Virginia and within a week it would all be over and I wouldn’t think about any of it again. But I still think about it, even after all this time. Every time we try and talk about stuff like this it’s so, I dunno, not fake but not real either. We both want to say the same empty words over and over again, words that always seem to avoid the reality of it all so we can stay wrapped up in those few moments we have left. We think we are making it easier on ourselves. we'll not me, not anymore, i have to give up. i cannot keep waiting for something that doesn't exist. I've exhausted you to the point where i dont even like you anymore. you're not even that great, really. I mean, you dont possess any qualities that outstand anyone else. So what if you have this fantastic way of making me forget everything in the world or this look that makes my knees shake or this incredible quiet confidence and this unbelievable oblivion that you are worth anyone’s time or energy which makes you worth all of my time and energy. And who cares that through it all you still have the ability to undoubtedly have me just WANT to be around you no matter what. Besides those few, small…who am I kidding, monumental qualities, you aren’t that great, I mean you aren’t very driven, you're not super smart or funny or spontaneous or kind. in fact, you are one of the most soft-spoken, non-opinionated, laid back people I have ever met and that is probably exactly why I give you so much in this scene and I get nothing in return. I’m carrying this scene all the way to curtain call hoping that you will cut me off one of these days and give me something, anything to work with, but no, you’re only good for your one liners and you don’t even want your name in the program. so congratufuckinglations. you got me. you won me over. i have never in my life felt for someone how i feel for you. “its just my luck to end up getting stuck to everything you are”(The Spill Canvas) And I really hope I never do again. Because if this is what people call “the fun of liking someone” then I’m done. I’m not having fun anymore and I want to get off the ride. You’re name has been spinning around my busy little head for far too long and I’m so dizzy I can’t see straight. And it makes me sick to my stomach to know that the next time I see you, I will take one look into those perfect eyes of yours and think…

“spin me around again” (Imogen Heap) because who am I kidding, I know I will. and to be honest, i cant wait.