OK TIME TO VENT
I'm mad. why? oh because my history class is a joke. My social problems class is a joke. I go to class to sit there and listen to someone read the book to me when I'm pretty sure I can read the book by my damn self. The only reason I have to show up to the class is because they show videos that I have to take notes on that I'll be tested on later.
I'm mad. why? oh because I don't have any fucking friends up here. there's Jesse, ashley, and carlos. that's about it. I don't have anyone to walk to class with, or anyone to talk to in class and more than half the time I can't find anyone to go and eat with so I either eat by myself or just don't eat. Now let's see here. Why are the 3 friends that i have even my friends? Lets see Jesse is my ex and ashley and carlos both want jesse so the only reason they even talk to me half of the fucking time is because they want info on jesse. Well isn't that just great.
I'm upset. Why? Cuz Matt is in texas and it used to be that we'd be able to talk a lot but now not so much. I maybe get a 5 minute phone call during the day and at night it's anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour or more (if i'm lucky enough) Ok I understand that he's super busy and i understand that he has a whole new life that oh wait doesn't include me except for the maybe hour of time that he gives me but i can't help but be extremely bitter. because I'm super busy too but I call him when I have breaks. And it's not like he's in training anymore, he has breaks, he can basically do whatever he wants.
I'm REALLY MAD. why? Because the only fucking thing i have to vent to about anything anymore is lj. everyone is so damn busy and it's so hard to find just one fucking person that would care to take the time I need for them to listen. even if I don't feel better after I vent. is it so hard for someone to listen to me. Is it that painful? And since I feel bad calling tab at this hour and I know jayna and kels are busy I generally call matt cuz it's a 2 hour difference. Well matt was going out with friends and appearently my problems don't matter. It's not like they're BIG HUGE FAT PROBLEMS that I won't get over tomorrow but just to have someone listen to me is all I need. But it's ok cuz matt is gonna call me before he goes to bed which at my time will prolly be around 2 or 3 in the morning, great....cuz i fucking feel like talking then.
I'm crunched for time. Why? Cuz I have drill this weekend and next weekend and I have a paper due monday along with 2 quizzes that I have to miss on thursday cuz I have to drive down for drill next weekend. So at some point I have to make up those quizzes. I seriously just want to cut myself off from the world cuz it's not like the world is doing a whole hell of a lot for me any damn way.
Oh did I fucking mention that Matt is gonna be in Nevada for 10 days from feb 7th-17th and might be gone in march when I have spring break. Oh did I also mention that if that happens I won't get to see him until he takes leave over the summer, that's if he fucking does take leave. I was really excited about the fact that we're gonna get married but now when I might not get to see him for fucking 6 or 7 months can't say that I'm too excited. I was fine before cuz I would get to spend a whole week with him in March and then he was gonna come in June and then I was gonna go back down before school starts again. and then I would get to see him again over thanksgiving or christmas. this shit is ridiculous. I love him to death but when you don't get to see someone for 6 months or longer and you're in the beginning of your relationship, things don't look too promising especially when we don't have a lot of time to talk.
I'm aware that people have bigger problems but because ppl have bigger problems does that mean that all of a sudden I'm supposed to feel better? Cuz knowing that things could be worse doesn't make me feel any fucking better. I'm sorry. It just doesn't. I don't care how immature and insensitive that is, I don't feel any fucking better knowing that someone has it worse off than I do. So please don't sit there and tell me that "in the grand scheme of things I don't have any reason to be mad." FUCK THAT! If I want to be mad I'm gonna fucking be mad. If I want to fucking cry over something stupid I'm gonna fucking do it. And with that...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I'm mad. why? oh because I don't have any fucking friends up here. there's Jesse, ashley, and carlos. that's about it. I don't have anyone to walk to class with, or anyone to talk to in class and more than half the time I can't find anyone to go and eat with so I either eat by myself or just don't eat. Now let's see here. Why are the 3 friends that i have even my friends? Lets see Jesse is my ex and ashley and carlos both want jesse so the only reason they even talk to me half of the fucking time is because they want info on jesse. Well isn't that just great.
I'm upset. Why? Cuz Matt is in texas and it used to be that we'd be able to talk a lot but now not so much. I maybe get a 5 minute phone call during the day and at night it's anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour or more (if i'm lucky enough) Ok I understand that he's super busy and i understand that he has a whole new life that oh wait doesn't include me except for the maybe hour of time that he gives me but i can't help but be extremely bitter. because I'm super busy too but I call him when I have breaks. And it's not like he's in training anymore, he has breaks, he can basically do whatever he wants.
I'm REALLY MAD. why? Because the only fucking thing i have to vent to about anything anymore is lj. everyone is so damn busy and it's so hard to find just one fucking person that would care to take the time I need for them to listen. even if I don't feel better after I vent. is it so hard for someone to listen to me. Is it that painful? And since I feel bad calling tab at this hour and I know jayna and kels are busy I generally call matt cuz it's a 2 hour difference. Well matt was going out with friends and appearently my problems don't matter. It's not like they're BIG HUGE FAT PROBLEMS that I won't get over tomorrow but just to have someone listen to me is all I need. But it's ok cuz matt is gonna call me before he goes to bed which at my time will prolly be around 2 or 3 in the morning, great....cuz i fucking feel like talking then.
I'm crunched for time. Why? Cuz I have drill this weekend and next weekend and I have a paper due monday along with 2 quizzes that I have to miss on thursday cuz I have to drive down for drill next weekend. So at some point I have to make up those quizzes. I seriously just want to cut myself off from the world cuz it's not like the world is doing a whole hell of a lot for me any damn way.
Oh did I fucking mention that Matt is gonna be in Nevada for 10 days from feb 7th-17th and might be gone in march when I have spring break. Oh did I also mention that if that happens I won't get to see him until he takes leave over the summer, that's if he fucking does take leave. I was really excited about the fact that we're gonna get married but now when I might not get to see him for fucking 6 or 7 months can't say that I'm too excited. I was fine before cuz I would get to spend a whole week with him in March and then he was gonna come in June and then I was gonna go back down before school starts again. and then I would get to see him again over thanksgiving or christmas. this shit is ridiculous. I love him to death but when you don't get to see someone for 6 months or longer and you're in the beginning of your relationship, things don't look too promising especially when we don't have a lot of time to talk.
I'm aware that people have bigger problems but because ppl have bigger problems does that mean that all of a sudden I'm supposed to feel better? Cuz knowing that things could be worse doesn't make me feel any fucking better. I'm sorry. It just doesn't. I don't care how immature and insensitive that is, I don't feel any fucking better knowing that someone has it worse off than I do. So please don't sit there and tell me that "in the grand scheme of things I don't have any reason to be mad." FUCK THAT! If I want to be mad I'm gonna fucking be mad. If I want to fucking cry over something stupid I'm gonna fucking do it. And with that...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH