(no subject)

[mellowyellow420]

ive been completely fucking stressed lately. its like my mom expects so much of me, and i cant fail her. i cant fail myself. i have to make something of myself. lately, i havent had faith in myself. i havent had confidence. lately, i seem like i dont even know what im doing. i dont even know if i can stay in this pharmacy thing anymore. i need to find my niche. i thought i had it, but i guess im just doubting myself. i havent had any pharmacy class all semester...but last semester, i worked my ass off, and got by with passing grades...but thats not good enough for the college of pharmacy. i dont know if im good enough. i think i set my expectations too high for myself. i know i can do it, i just dont know what my problem is. im interested as hell in the field im in, its just discouraging when you work as hard as i have and get shit thrown in your face. then again, its my first year, and i guess your bound to make mistakes your first year.
next year though, this shit is going to change. this summer im going to get my act together. im going to be working, in an office...professional. i think its going to be a realization, really. i dont want to work in an office my whole life. i dont want to be chained behind a desk. i wont. itll help me realize more i need to work for what i want. and i have been working. i just need to work harder.
its just hard right now because im questioning my entire life...im not even sure what i want to do anymore. its so frustrating.
im done making excuses and im getting my shit together.