Cassandra Phenomenon

Jun 28, 2009 18:19

It's not bigotry if it's true.

I learned Friday morning about a new term. It's a term that apparently has some autistic self-advocates in quite an impressive twist. Some are rather shrill in calling it a sham and a bogus disorder, while others are more cautious and simply call it counterproductive to call attention to this disorder because it ( Read more... )

psychology, autism

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sctmpls June 29 2009, 00:26:02 UTC
Our friend Dennis (Erik's ex, not sure if you know him or not) has ASpergers and is in a relationship of 4 years now. They seem to work it out because Daniel (Dennis's partner) appreciates Dennis for who he is (flaws and all) and over communicates to Dennis when he needs affirmation or affection. It seems to work for them, so I think there is hope for you to find someone that accepts you for who you are.

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mellowtigger June 29 2009, 00:50:41 UTC
Yes, I know him, and he does read here sometimes. 4 years is already a lot longer than I ever achieved (1.5 years).

I saw on Thursday at the support group meeting that there was a flyer for a "partner of someone with autism" group. I thought it was AuSM that hosted the event, but I can't find it at their website now. Must've been some other group. I hope stuff like that really helps.

The authors I quoted above also mention that it goes both ways, so to speak. It's not just the autistic's "fault". I know that whenever I tried really hard to do something that was difficult for me so that I could impress my boyfriend... none of them ever said or did anything that acknowledged their understanding of its importance. The blindness for what is considered noteworthy can happen on both ends. There really does need to be a 3rd way, a middle ground, that blends both worldviews.

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sctmpls June 29 2009, 14:23:52 UTC
I agree 100% it goes both ways. Daniel is an ENFP on the Meyer-Briggs scale, so he tends to be pretty intuitive about how Dennis is feeling even if Dennis doesn't vocalize it. Being an extrovert, he also tends to be pretty vocal about what he needs from Dennis and goes out of his way to recognize when Dennis makes a compromise. They seem to have figured it out pretty well. Maybe the key is somewhat in finding someone with similar personality traits to Daniels. I know it didn't work out for Erik and Dennis for much the same reasons you are giving. Partially I think it was hard for them because they were also both introverts, so even though Erik would be frustrated with Dennis or vice versa, they wouldn't talk about it.

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dangerdhotrod June 29 2009, 18:54:24 UTC
1.5 years is the longest i've dated anyone too.

i really believe there's someone for everyone (and if i'm wrong i won't know until it's too late anyway so...)

but still i don't think you should give up hope for a relationship even if your hopes are continuously crushed. like intentionally cutting yourself out of dating as a rule you follow and for 12 years...i never dated you but i think the harm you might be causing others is something they can handle. think of all the totally crazy people out there dating and causing all kinds of drama, i don't see you causing anywhere near that kind of trouble. plus, maybe some people can take it, or it's worth the cost. i don't know, just don't cut yourself off from the world. i'm just saying pain is kind of part of life and you just have to put up with it to get the good stuff as well.

also i would like to hang out with you maybe at bear coffee some night, after the crazy convergence weekend is over. :)

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mellowtigger June 30 2009, 00:25:53 UTC
I hadn't realized that it was Con season already, but Mike emailed shortly after your post to tell me that I'd basically have the whole house to myself for most of the week, since all 3 of them would be out there instead. *laugh*

I'm almost always out at Coffee on Wednesdays. Some weeks I have to bring the pager from work, but it's been a very long time since I needed to leave to deal with any issues. Look for us in the backyard after you get your drink and food. :)

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