Light and Dark
Soooo strange how sometimes you just need a little push to motivate your emotional instincts. One song, suggested by one man, and I'm on a roll. Here's what I'm thinking.
I think that you seem to think I have a hard time going to sleep because I'm an insomniac, or because I have so much energy. Really, it's because I'm scared to close me eyes.
I'm afraid because when I do close them, and I do fall asleep, then the night ends. And when the night ends, the morning begins and then we're back to not knowing.
I never did like not knowing.
There's so much doubt in the light, but in the dark I know, I know that it's just me and you and it's simple.
In the light everything is magnified, there's too much detail. Too many things, people, worries.
I don't like detail.
I like simple.
Everything is so perfect at night, you and me and our movie. Which then turns into a wrestle over who's stronger and who's going to sucumb to their exhaustion first. And then, when one of us does, it's over.
It all changes, slowly but surely. We'll lay there for hours, messing with each other, trying to fight the fact that we both know it's back to real life as soon as one of us gets dressed.
It's like with each piece of clothing we cover up the feelings a little more, and you always get dressed first. Then there's the slow walk to the door, and your feelings and you are gone. All covered up, and I'm standing there in nothing but emotion.
So from now on I'm pretending it's dark, I'm going to stay in the dark and pretend like I can't see the light, like the details and the people and the things, the worries, the questions, the what ifs. I'm not going to see any of them.
I'm just going to see you.
And I'll probably regret it, like usual.
But maybe,
Just maybe.
I won't.
I think that you seem to think I have a hard time going to sleep because I'm an insomniac, or because I have so much energy. Really, it's because I'm scared to close me eyes.
I'm afraid because when I do close them, and I do fall asleep, then the night ends. And when the night ends, the morning begins and then we're back to not knowing.
I never did like not knowing.
There's so much doubt in the light, but in the dark I know, I know that it's just me and you and it's simple.
In the light everything is magnified, there's too much detail. Too many things, people, worries.
I don't like detail.
I like simple.
Everything is so perfect at night, you and me and our movie. Which then turns into a wrestle over who's stronger and who's going to sucumb to their exhaustion first. And then, when one of us does, it's over.
It all changes, slowly but surely. We'll lay there for hours, messing with each other, trying to fight the fact that we both know it's back to real life as soon as one of us gets dressed.
It's like with each piece of clothing we cover up the feelings a little more, and you always get dressed first. Then there's the slow walk to the door, and your feelings and you are gone. All covered up, and I'm standing there in nothing but emotion.
So from now on I'm pretending it's dark, I'm going to stay in the dark and pretend like I can't see the light, like the details and the people and the things, the worries, the questions, the what ifs. I'm not going to see any of them.
I'm just going to see you.
And I'll probably regret it, like usual.
But maybe,
Just maybe.
I won't.