oh gosh
i get so darn lonely at night.
alex and i literally spent the ENTIRE day together, from brunch at 11 to 6 then had like a 2 hour break and saw each other again at 8 and now i'm back. we had a great day, from starbucks to bdubs to homework to a movie. and now i'm in my room alone, wanting someone.
we sat up all night last being sad and talking about all the things that we want in life.
i want to wake up and look at the person next to me and know that they are as happy lying there as i am. i want to feel needed, to be told i'm beautiful. i want to look at someone and feel those butterflies, i want someone to look at me and feel them. i want to be kissed goodnight and good morning. i want to sit up all night talking about the future, the past, the present. i want to walk up to someone and have them engulf me in their arms, without being told that's what i need. i want to feel little, to feel loved, to feel wanted, to feel warm. i want to have an arm wrapped around me to protect me, to show that i'm taken, to show that you can't have me. i want to go lay on a blanket and look at the stars with my head on your chest. i want you to run your fingers through my hair and look in my eyes and see the stars there. i want to throw the football around with you, i want to be the girlfriend that you deserve, i want you to be the boyfriend that i deserve. i want to hold hands, to hug, to kiss, to stay in bed all day. i want to have a reason to wake up in the morning, and a reason to stay awake all night. i want to make you cds full of the songs that describe how i feel for you. i want to dance. i want to be held so close i can feel your heartbeat against my chest. i want to feel happy. i want to fall asleep in your arms and not worry that you will be different in the morning, that you won't care, that you'll be gone. i want to stop crying. i want to look out my window and see you standing there, staring up at me. i want you to look at you and see the person i knew, i want you to come back. i want you to acknowledge what you did to me. i want to change your mind. i want to be what you need, i want to be needed. i want you to climb the four flights of stairs up to my room at 2 in the morning and not worry about getting in trouble because its late because you couldn't sleep until you knew i was better. i want you to give a damn. i want you to realize that the things you said should never be said to a person. i want to show you what it's like to be loved. i want you to love me.
i want to be able to look at the world and have hope. i want to believe that its possible. i want to have a reason to smile.
but for now, i'll settle for my pillow, my blankets, and ignoring you until you realize that you have ruined me. that you have broken me and that i will never be the same. that i will never be able to give that amount of love to anyone again. that i will never trust again. i will never put myself out there as far, never care as much, never do as much, never love as much.
alex and i literally spent the ENTIRE day together, from brunch at 11 to 6 then had like a 2 hour break and saw each other again at 8 and now i'm back. we had a great day, from starbucks to bdubs to homework to a movie. and now i'm in my room alone, wanting someone.
we sat up all night last being sad and talking about all the things that we want in life.
i want to wake up and look at the person next to me and know that they are as happy lying there as i am. i want to feel needed, to be told i'm beautiful. i want to look at someone and feel those butterflies, i want someone to look at me and feel them. i want to be kissed goodnight and good morning. i want to sit up all night talking about the future, the past, the present. i want to walk up to someone and have them engulf me in their arms, without being told that's what i need. i want to feel little, to feel loved, to feel wanted, to feel warm. i want to have an arm wrapped around me to protect me, to show that i'm taken, to show that you can't have me. i want to go lay on a blanket and look at the stars with my head on your chest. i want you to run your fingers through my hair and look in my eyes and see the stars there. i want to throw the football around with you, i want to be the girlfriend that you deserve, i want you to be the boyfriend that i deserve. i want to hold hands, to hug, to kiss, to stay in bed all day. i want to have a reason to wake up in the morning, and a reason to stay awake all night. i want to make you cds full of the songs that describe how i feel for you. i want to dance. i want to be held so close i can feel your heartbeat against my chest. i want to feel happy. i want to fall asleep in your arms and not worry that you will be different in the morning, that you won't care, that you'll be gone. i want to stop crying. i want to look out my window and see you standing there, staring up at me. i want you to look at you and see the person i knew, i want you to come back. i want you to acknowledge what you did to me. i want to change your mind. i want to be what you need, i want to be needed. i want you to climb the four flights of stairs up to my room at 2 in the morning and not worry about getting in trouble because its late because you couldn't sleep until you knew i was better. i want you to give a damn. i want you to realize that the things you said should never be said to a person. i want to show you what it's like to be loved. i want you to love me.
i want to be able to look at the world and have hope. i want to believe that its possible. i want to have a reason to smile.
but for now, i'll settle for my pillow, my blankets, and ignoring you until you realize that you have ruined me. that you have broken me and that i will never be the same. that i will never be able to give that amount of love to anyone again. that i will never trust again. i will never put myself out there as far, never care as much, never do as much, never love as much.