why me.
I think when all you periods crash into one major huge one, the feeling is shitty. Basically I feel like a huge lump pile of cow shit has spilled all over me. Feeling bloated, crampish, annoyed with my computer and thinking bout Dad is not a great feeing plus hearing this beautiful rendition of 'somewhere over the rainbow' by Israel Kamakawiwo Ole is not helping at all.
Heard that song and the memories of dad came like flushing in. Sometimes I think I am a wee bit still raw, though its like a year has since flashed past but I think I miss being the daddy's girl. You know how it feels when you get mocked by your parents, neh its not a good feeling but I do sometimes miss that feel of it. I wish that he could be here and I can tell him proudly that I have gone through my first year through uni. I wish he was sitting at the dining table, and I can burst out laughing and tell him how much I did enjoy london like how he used too. Sometimes I guess when everyone has moved on, sometimes I guess sometimes I wish that time can just stop at the second when I stepped out of the house and you smiled at me and said bye. I guess it really takes me alot of courage to just let it go, its not 100 percent done yet but I hope one day it will be. It's selfish to have this thought but yes why me. This is the first school holiday that I have not stepped out of Singapore. It is going to be so different without him now. Strange.
I guess the hardest part is me being the only one who saw dad tearing when he was lying on his bed. Brain activity was zero but he teared, I never know whether he was calling out for me, or telling me he was sorry. I just knew I did something instinctively, bent down to wipe his tears and something which I never did in such a long long time - to kiss him on his forehead and whispering please wake up....
Missing you daddy.. Why.
Heard that song and the memories of dad came like flushing in. Sometimes I think I am a wee bit still raw, though its like a year has since flashed past but I think I miss being the daddy's girl. You know how it feels when you get mocked by your parents, neh its not a good feeling but I do sometimes miss that feel of it. I wish that he could be here and I can tell him proudly that I have gone through my first year through uni. I wish he was sitting at the dining table, and I can burst out laughing and tell him how much I did enjoy london like how he used too. Sometimes I guess when everyone has moved on, sometimes I guess sometimes I wish that time can just stop at the second when I stepped out of the house and you smiled at me and said bye. I guess it really takes me alot of courage to just let it go, its not 100 percent done yet but I hope one day it will be. It's selfish to have this thought but yes why me. This is the first school holiday that I have not stepped out of Singapore. It is going to be so different without him now. Strange.
I guess the hardest part is me being the only one who saw dad tearing when he was lying on his bed. Brain activity was zero but he teared, I never know whether he was calling out for me, or telling me he was sorry. I just knew I did something instinctively, bent down to wipe his tears and something which I never did in such a long long time - to kiss him on his forehead and whispering please wake up....
Missing you daddy.. Why.