(no subject)
i hate... things... right now. i cant exactly put my finger on it, but im very disturbed on the inside. and i thought i was being subtle, but maria noticed so perhaps not so much. then again she tends to just know these things...
i suppose im trying to determine the extent of my personal dependencies. what, or - more so - WHO am i dependant on? i hate being dependant on things. if theres one thing ive learned so far, its that theres really no point in being dependant on people. not everyone will let me down, of course, but given the chance... well, id rather just not take it. goddamn in so fucking sensitive, its kind of funny. i really am too sensitive actually. i let the stupidest shit get to me. really, no, its funny. i literally cry over the dumbest things. and this is something that i got from my mom, mind you. she cries over stupid crap. in fact, probably THE stupidest crap. i will get upset over someone's tone. sensitive much? yeah. just a bit. even with all this sensitivity though, i just feel like i cant turn to anyone for some reason. ive been feeling so lonely because i cant turn to anyone and just blurt out random shit anymore. i dont want to disturb anyone, so ill pretty much just keep it inside. call me two faced, even. but its just what i do. i can literally hate someone and i wont say anything. i dont know whats wrong with me. i just feel so let down by something, but i cant put my finger on what. its fucking 12 AM, i have to get up mad fucking early tomorrow to go to the beach and i dont even want to go. its this fucking lack of desire to do anything thats fucking me over. i literally feel depressed. and i hate saying that, and i hate bitching about it. but i do. and im screwing myself over by not telling anyone what i fucking think- i completely stopped doing that.
i suppose im trying to determine the extent of my personal dependencies. what, or - more so - WHO am i dependant on? i hate being dependant on things. if theres one thing ive learned so far, its that theres really no point in being dependant on people. not everyone will let me down, of course, but given the chance... well, id rather just not take it. goddamn in so fucking sensitive, its kind of funny. i really am too sensitive actually. i let the stupidest shit get to me. really, no, its funny. i literally cry over the dumbest things. and this is something that i got from my mom, mind you. she cries over stupid crap. in fact, probably THE stupidest crap. i will get upset over someone's tone. sensitive much? yeah. just a bit. even with all this sensitivity though, i just feel like i cant turn to anyone for some reason. ive been feeling so lonely because i cant turn to anyone and just blurt out random shit anymore. i dont want to disturb anyone, so ill pretty much just keep it inside. call me two faced, even. but its just what i do. i can literally hate someone and i wont say anything. i dont know whats wrong with me. i just feel so let down by something, but i cant put my finger on what. its fucking 12 AM, i have to get up mad fucking early tomorrow to go to the beach and i dont even want to go. its this fucking lack of desire to do anything thats fucking me over. i literally feel depressed. and i hate saying that, and i hate bitching about it. but i do. and im screwing myself over by not telling anyone what i fucking think- i completely stopped doing that.