On Closeness and all that shit
The internet is a wonderfully evil thing. We can have connections to people hundreds or even thousands of miles away from ourselves. These relationships can vary from someone you know on a forum to someone you meet twice a week and have sex with over a webcam. People can spend their whole lives on the internet, they can order food online, work from a computer, play games, socialize, and even plan virtual vacations. The point is people can lose themselves in this false world.
I think the reason why the internet has such appeal and draw is what it offers to people. It can offer many different things to many different people. It can be a safe haven where no one is going to judge you because they don't know you. You can come out of your shell safely and be yourself because despite the closeness you feel with your internet buddy there's the physical separation. You don't have to look a person in the eye after you tell them you like fucking corpses. But on the other side of the spectrum there's the ability to be something you're not. You can be that punk kid that goes to all the forums and flames everybody. Or you can be that 30 something-year-old housewife mother-of-two that pretends to be an 18 year old coed looking to have an affair with the professor. The internet truly is a magical place but my opinion is that if you let it you will lose yourself on the internet.
The worst thing about the internet is that it offers a false sense of closeness. Through the wonders of technology I can talk to someone online, I can hear their voice and now I can even see their face. We can have virtual sex if we choose to. I can tell this person all my secrets but even with all this they are miles away from me. Are we really becoming close with them or is it more of an introspective thing. We're using them to make ourselves feel better while at the same time therapeutically searching our deeper spots. Can this be as rewarding as a relationship with someone we know in person?
I guess what I'm talking about is physical proximity. Simply being around someone. It's strange but I find that I can have great conversations online, I can really connect with people online but it's not until I actually see them in person do I realize how much internet relationships are lacking. There's the whole thing of touch, the ability to take someone in completely and wholely. Yet even my physical relationships are lacking because where I can really be myself online away from the strange looks, the odd conversations, in person I withdraw into myself. Feeling someone's touch makes me recoil as if they could shatter me into a million pieces.
So the problem is with closeness. How close do you let someone get? How much do you let them know? What happens when someone gets that close to you? I think it comes down to closeness on three different levels. There's the intellectual connection, where you share similar thoughts on religion, philosophy and politics and can have corresponding arguments and discussions that leave you invigorated. Then there's the emotional connection. Where you can feel comfortable talking about personal stuff with someone. Where you feel deeply for someone on many different levels. Finally there's the physical intimacy, where someone's touch warms you. Where holding someone is all you want to do.
It's possible to have one, two or all three of these things. I've never had all three feelngs at once with anyone. My biggest problem has been with emotional connection and physical intimacy. I feel I have certain inadequacies. This may be true or not. I'm getting at the need to have a connection with someone on all three levels. The need to have closeness. Despite the ability for man to live in autonomy in the end we need at least one person.