hmm.
i wasnt a very good person last night. whatever though. all i remember is getting up and leaving his house because he would not stop touching me and he kissed me and he wouldnt stop. he was kinda forceful about it. fuck it. but i was just going there because i was being nice and i felt bad. i just wanted to hang out with him as friends but that didnt happen. i dont think i will ever pick up the phone and call him again. i also dont think i will ever hang out with him again. damnit i always say that. but i need to stick to it this time. he is kind of scaring me. all last night i kept thinking about how much he creeped me out. and this morning to. and im an idiot because i called him last night and was like im sorry i left like i did it was just weird. and he was just like ya i get it. uhm what the fuck? i need to stay away from him all together. ALL TOGETHER! im just getting these really bad vibes...seriously it was so scary.
...i hate how im feeling today. i hate it. i was so stupid last night! and i just cant talk to anyone about it because i cant. i have to keep i inside, although i talked about some of it here. i just i dunno. im so weirded out. why do i find such asshole guys? every fucken time! i give up. and the one good relationship i had i ended it.....what is wrong with me? i think im like fucked up when it comes to relationships. its just i have high standards although they are really not that high. i just need a nice guy....a nice guy. and i met this nice guy...but he has a psycho ass grilfriend. lol.....but he is so nice i talk to him every day and he makes me laugh. im glad im friends wtih him though. he is awesome. anyways..do you like how this entery is jumping around a lot... it is just because i have many thoughts and i dont know where to start.
tim is in ohio. i miss him already, he is such a good friend to me! but as long as he is having fun that is all that matters. i miss him though. i cant wait till he comes back up or i can go visit him.
melanie leaves for college very soon and i still havent fucken fixed things with her. damnit she is the one i could talk to about this whole above situation with last night though. but i cant call her. i cant im too afraid. i havent talked to her in forever. although last night i remember how upset i was and i was so close to picking up my cell phone and calling her, but i didnt........im such an idiot. i fucked up our friendship so bad, and now i lost my best friend, and she is going to college. and im sure she is nervous and i cant even talk to her to help her, i cant do anything......i suck at this shit....damnit. im so pissed. melanie i miss you so much, but i dont know what to do. i dont know. im so scared of loosing you, but i already did. i lost you and i want you back. you are my best friend and i need you..... right now...and i have all summer.....UGH! im so stupid sometimes so stupid..
i wish that things were ok.....i wish i knew where the fuck i was going to college. i wish i didnt ruin things, i wish i could just go back in time and fix things....i wish things were how they used to be.........or maybe things were just going ok now.....
...i hate how im feeling today. i hate it. i was so stupid last night! and i just cant talk to anyone about it because i cant. i have to keep i inside, although i talked about some of it here. i just i dunno. im so weirded out. why do i find such asshole guys? every fucken time! i give up. and the one good relationship i had i ended it.....what is wrong with me? i think im like fucked up when it comes to relationships. its just i have high standards although they are really not that high. i just need a nice guy....a nice guy. and i met this nice guy...but he has a psycho ass grilfriend. lol.....but he is so nice i talk to him every day and he makes me laugh. im glad im friends wtih him though. he is awesome. anyways..do you like how this entery is jumping around a lot... it is just because i have many thoughts and i dont know where to start.
tim is in ohio. i miss him already, he is such a good friend to me! but as long as he is having fun that is all that matters. i miss him though. i cant wait till he comes back up or i can go visit him.
melanie leaves for college very soon and i still havent fucken fixed things with her. damnit she is the one i could talk to about this whole above situation with last night though. but i cant call her. i cant im too afraid. i havent talked to her in forever. although last night i remember how upset i was and i was so close to picking up my cell phone and calling her, but i didnt........im such an idiot. i fucked up our friendship so bad, and now i lost my best friend, and she is going to college. and im sure she is nervous and i cant even talk to her to help her, i cant do anything......i suck at this shit....damnit. im so pissed. melanie i miss you so much, but i dont know what to do. i dont know. im so scared of loosing you, but i already did. i lost you and i want you back. you are my best friend and i need you..... right now...and i have all summer.....UGH! im so stupid sometimes so stupid..
i wish that things were ok.....i wish i knew where the fuck i was going to college. i wish i didnt ruin things, i wish i could just go back in time and fix things....i wish things were how they used to be.........or maybe things were just going ok now.....