"Geez, would you stop talking about the birth already, woman?"
Yeah yeah, I know. But I keep thinking about things and like to get them out in words, so they go here.
So whenever I look back on Ally's birth - specifically the moment right after she came out - it all seems like a dreamy, hazy thing. As if I was outside of my body looking at it all happen. I had always kinda assumed that it was because I was on drugs at the time. Now when I think about the same time of Addy's birth, though, I feel the same way, like it is all a haze. At the time, I think I remember being very clear, but looking back it is almost like a dream. I remember my doula saying that in that exact moment, I was the most high I would ever be in my life, and I feel like that must be it. It must just be all the natural "drugs" if you will that were flowing through me at the time. This time I have it on video though, which I am grateful for. That is a big part of the reason that I *wanted* to video it this time, because I can't really remember it very well, it is so blurry.
The video was really interesting to watch, by the way. I don't remember saying half the things that I said in there. I wouldn't have believed you if you had told me I said them, except that I saw proof that I did, lol. So strange. I want to watch it again a few times, to look at certain details. The first time I was just watching it in a sort of awe, hehe. I want to look at Paul next time I watch it, to see what his reaction to it all was. Also, I wish I had some video of me during the actual labor process, because everyone kept saying I was doing so well, and I felt like I was a mess, so I'd love to see what I *actually* was like. (At the time I didn't suggest it because I didn't think I wanted it, lol)
Pretty sure I have officially decided I will do a home birth again for sure next time. I look back on the whole thing with nothing but pride and empowerment, so I know it is the right way to go again, despite the intense pain.
I requested a copy of the midwives labor notes, just for my own curiosity, and that was amusing to read. They document every little thing, including some quotes that I apparently said (I don't remember saying some of them). It is fun to look at what times everything happened, since after my water broke, I didn't really look at a clock at all.
Things are still going well with both kiddos. I had a panic attack last night for no apparent reason, worrying about SIDS, but I eventually calmed down and went to sleep (after sobbing to Paul for 15 minutes straight...poor guy). Next week I turn 31, which seems so much older than 30 to me for some reason. Life is pretty darn good right now. Love you all.
So whenever I look back on Ally's birth - specifically the moment right after she came out - it all seems like a dreamy, hazy thing. As if I was outside of my body looking at it all happen. I had always kinda assumed that it was because I was on drugs at the time. Now when I think about the same time of Addy's birth, though, I feel the same way, like it is all a haze. At the time, I think I remember being very clear, but looking back it is almost like a dream. I remember my doula saying that in that exact moment, I was the most high I would ever be in my life, and I feel like that must be it. It must just be all the natural "drugs" if you will that were flowing through me at the time. This time I have it on video though, which I am grateful for. That is a big part of the reason that I *wanted* to video it this time, because I can't really remember it very well, it is so blurry.
The video was really interesting to watch, by the way. I don't remember saying half the things that I said in there. I wouldn't have believed you if you had told me I said them, except that I saw proof that I did, lol. So strange. I want to watch it again a few times, to look at certain details. The first time I was just watching it in a sort of awe, hehe. I want to look at Paul next time I watch it, to see what his reaction to it all was. Also, I wish I had some video of me during the actual labor process, because everyone kept saying I was doing so well, and I felt like I was a mess, so I'd love to see what I *actually* was like. (At the time I didn't suggest it because I didn't think I wanted it, lol)
Pretty sure I have officially decided I will do a home birth again for sure next time. I look back on the whole thing with nothing but pride and empowerment, so I know it is the right way to go again, despite the intense pain.
I requested a copy of the midwives labor notes, just for my own curiosity, and that was amusing to read. They document every little thing, including some quotes that I apparently said (I don't remember saying some of them). It is fun to look at what times everything happened, since after my water broke, I didn't really look at a clock at all.
Things are still going well with both kiddos. I had a panic attack last night for no apparent reason, worrying about SIDS, but I eventually calmed down and went to sleep (after sobbing to Paul for 15 minutes straight...poor guy). Next week I turn 31, which seems so much older than 30 to me for some reason. Life is pretty darn good right now. Love you all.