Sadness
My grandma (mom's side) died yesterday morning. It was not unexpected, but it is hard. This is my second grandparent to die in less than a year now. With Gramps, I knew he was sick and fading fast when I visited last summer, so I feel like I have some closure there, but Grandma was totally fine last summer. I think that is part of why this is hitting me so hard, because I feel like I have no closure this time around.
I was closer to Gramps growing up...we visited them more and I feel like I knew him better. But in recent years, having moved away from NC, I feel like I have been closer to Grandma. She has facebook and email, and so I feel like I "talked" to her more than my other relatives. She would always send a cheesy e-card for my birthday, which made me smile, and she loved to look at (and comment on sometimes) Ally's pictures. I was doing OK yesterday until I got to thinking about how she will never get to see or comment on those again, then I started sobbing again. I don't even know what to do with people on my friend's list who have died...removing them seems wrong somehow, but keeping them on seems creepy somehow.
I feel sad that she and Gramps will never get to see Ally grow up, or meet any other kids I may have. I know it is normal to not know your great grandparents...I only barely remember one or two of mine...but it makes me sad because it is someone I was close to that she will never get to know.
I feel (irrationally) stupid for being so upset over this. A friend our age just lost his dad a few weeks ago, so I feel like I have no cause to complain or be so upset over this, you know? I don't even know how I would cope with losing a parent, I can't even imagine. It feels almost selfish of me to be this sad...my mom lost her mom in this. I don't know, I am not making sense.
*sigh*
I was closer to Gramps growing up...we visited them more and I feel like I knew him better. But in recent years, having moved away from NC, I feel like I have been closer to Grandma. She has facebook and email, and so I feel like I "talked" to her more than my other relatives. She would always send a cheesy e-card for my birthday, which made me smile, and she loved to look at (and comment on sometimes) Ally's pictures. I was doing OK yesterday until I got to thinking about how she will never get to see or comment on those again, then I started sobbing again. I don't even know what to do with people on my friend's list who have died...removing them seems wrong somehow, but keeping them on seems creepy somehow.
I feel sad that she and Gramps will never get to see Ally grow up, or meet any other kids I may have. I know it is normal to not know your great grandparents...I only barely remember one or two of mine...but it makes me sad because it is someone I was close to that she will never get to know.
I feel (irrationally) stupid for being so upset over this. A friend our age just lost his dad a few weeks ago, so I feel like I have no cause to complain or be so upset over this, you know? I don't even know how I would cope with losing a parent, I can't even imagine. It feels almost selfish of me to be this sad...my mom lost her mom in this. I don't know, I am not making sense.
*sigh*