Writing Therapy
I just want to say that I am writing now because I have alot of feelings that are all tangled up at the moment. I am hoping that by getting them down on here, I can untangle them and feel better.
Here is how I feel right now:
lonely
confused
I'm really missing Jeff, Brandy, and my mom (when i get down, I always want my mom)
stomach hurts but not hungry at all
I flaked on dinner with my dad, aunt and uncle (my dad said he's ok with it cause he saved 50 bucks-real nice)-did i get a "feel better"? no
I have no plans on a Friday night (not really a big deal, I need some alone time) but this is my first weekend without spending it with Jeff since we met (don't puke, I know I am sappy)
Alone time=thinking too much about missing people
Alone time=something I probably really need, it's been a while i guess
I just got back from the greatest cross-country road trip with Jeff and coming back to my home without him and just plain wanting to get in work-mode after a trip like that is really hard.
We spent a really long time together, every day for weeks, and I got used to that. I'm back here without him, without my Bdog, and my mom is out of town for the weekend. Liz is sick, Leslie is out of town, Jody is somewhere but not here, and James and his band are practicing tonight.
I need to get out of my funk. It doesn't ever last long and everyone is entitled to their funkiness. When I get in a funk, I just like to bitch about what's going on instead of being all, "everything's great, everything's all chocolately-covered goodness." We would not be right in the head if we were always fucking happy. That would be a product of many mental illness pills. I choose not to take pills because, I know my funk is short-termed and usually brought on by PMS. Funny I mention PMS...I just happen to be getting my period in about 3 or 4 days. Coincidence, I think not!
I mean, I am sure I would normally be feeling a bit down after riding with my lover across the fucking country only to leave him in our final destination, San Francisco. He's 3 hours ahead (making it hard to really talk much), he's so many states away (mentally that is frustrating), and I don't get to see him very much in a 3-month period. Really, I would love to be looking at everything right now with a more positive attitude, but like I said, right now I want to bitch.
In a day or two, I might be like this:
it's only 3 months-that ain't shit
I am lucky to have someone like him
I'll be visiting brandy soon and get my girl stuff in
I see my mom alot-I just know she's with evil jeff and probably covering up her feelings all weekend
This is a great time to pull my life together, get focused on the future, etc.
I can start exercising even more-lately I have been a toad
Time to catch up on some reading-I love to read but seem to never find the time
It's kinda nice to miss someone-it really makes you realize your feelings (the depth of them)
I love getting emails
Web cams -if jody ever hooks us up
I booked my ticket to San Fran in two weeks-love looking forward to that
I know he misses me just as much, cause Jesus tells me so-nice to not feel alone when you are missing someone (and Bdog misses me too!)
I have Bosco and Isaiah and my house that I can just relax in
Life is good!
I already feel alot better after writing down my feeliings. My stomach still hurts, I still miss my peeps, but I am starting to get excited about the possibility of ordering some food, picking it up, renting a few Blockbuster Hits and getting on my most comfortable couch and curling up with a blanket and my pets. This is starting to really sound fantastic! I think I will be writing more these days. I have alot more on my mind and I think it will be good therapy for me.
Speaking of therapy, I am thinking (more was now) of going back to school and becoming a therapist. This is starting to not sound so appealing after speaking with someone at work who knows the whole scoop on the field. It's amazing how one minute I can be all gung-ho and feeling like I've got a fucking path for once, and the next minute I'm back at square one, yet feeling worse about it because of the extreme change in emotions.
Being Jewish, but not being Jewish in a religious sort of way, let me just say Oy! Hahaha! Oy vey! A matzah ball would be good right now. Oy I am bitching like an old Jewish women after losing a bridge game.
Since jeff is the only one who reads my blogs, I just want to say that you are the best. You have this way of making me feel soooooo good and cheering me up when I'm down. You are understanding, attentive, and always know the right things to say. You are the most caring male I have ever met, seriously. Thank you for being all mine, I'm extremely lucky and I'm extremely happy to have you in my life. I'm really glad you are over there, interning, showing those people how smart you is, exploring another state and city. I can't explain it, but I just don't know any other way to be with you other than completely supportive and understanding. No matter how sad I may get that you aren't here at times, please remember that I wouldn't want you to be anywhere else right now and I have a really good feeling about how things are going to turn out-professionally and in our relationship. I have no doubt that we will be fine and that those Telltalers are going to be extremely impressed. I am impressed, that is for damn sure.
Are you blushing, hehe.
I am done, I bitched, became positive, and praised my boyfriend like I love to do for whatever reason (probably because he makes me feel incredibly happy).
For those of you that aren't Jeff and want to throw up, here's a bucket!
Melissa
Here is how I feel right now:
lonely
confused
I'm really missing Jeff, Brandy, and my mom (when i get down, I always want my mom)
stomach hurts but not hungry at all
I flaked on dinner with my dad, aunt and uncle (my dad said he's ok with it cause he saved 50 bucks-real nice)-did i get a "feel better"? no
I have no plans on a Friday night (not really a big deal, I need some alone time) but this is my first weekend without spending it with Jeff since we met (don't puke, I know I am sappy)
Alone time=thinking too much about missing people
Alone time=something I probably really need, it's been a while i guess
I just got back from the greatest cross-country road trip with Jeff and coming back to my home without him and just plain wanting to get in work-mode after a trip like that is really hard.
We spent a really long time together, every day for weeks, and I got used to that. I'm back here without him, without my Bdog, and my mom is out of town for the weekend. Liz is sick, Leslie is out of town, Jody is somewhere but not here, and James and his band are practicing tonight.
I need to get out of my funk. It doesn't ever last long and everyone is entitled to their funkiness. When I get in a funk, I just like to bitch about what's going on instead of being all, "everything's great, everything's all chocolately-covered goodness." We would not be right in the head if we were always fucking happy. That would be a product of many mental illness pills. I choose not to take pills because, I know my funk is short-termed and usually brought on by PMS. Funny I mention PMS...I just happen to be getting my period in about 3 or 4 days. Coincidence, I think not!
I mean, I am sure I would normally be feeling a bit down after riding with my lover across the fucking country only to leave him in our final destination, San Francisco. He's 3 hours ahead (making it hard to really talk much), he's so many states away (mentally that is frustrating), and I don't get to see him very much in a 3-month period. Really, I would love to be looking at everything right now with a more positive attitude, but like I said, right now I want to bitch.
In a day or two, I might be like this:
it's only 3 months-that ain't shit
I am lucky to have someone like him
I'll be visiting brandy soon and get my girl stuff in
I see my mom alot-I just know she's with evil jeff and probably covering up her feelings all weekend
This is a great time to pull my life together, get focused on the future, etc.
I can start exercising even more-lately I have been a toad
Time to catch up on some reading-I love to read but seem to never find the time
It's kinda nice to miss someone-it really makes you realize your feelings (the depth of them)
I love getting emails
Web cams -if jody ever hooks us up
I booked my ticket to San Fran in two weeks-love looking forward to that
I know he misses me just as much, cause Jesus tells me so-nice to not feel alone when you are missing someone (and Bdog misses me too!)
I have Bosco and Isaiah and my house that I can just relax in
Life is good!
I already feel alot better after writing down my feeliings. My stomach still hurts, I still miss my peeps, but I am starting to get excited about the possibility of ordering some food, picking it up, renting a few Blockbuster Hits and getting on my most comfortable couch and curling up with a blanket and my pets. This is starting to really sound fantastic! I think I will be writing more these days. I have alot more on my mind and I think it will be good therapy for me.
Speaking of therapy, I am thinking (more was now) of going back to school and becoming a therapist. This is starting to not sound so appealing after speaking with someone at work who knows the whole scoop on the field. It's amazing how one minute I can be all gung-ho and feeling like I've got a fucking path for once, and the next minute I'm back at square one, yet feeling worse about it because of the extreme change in emotions.
Being Jewish, but not being Jewish in a religious sort of way, let me just say Oy! Hahaha! Oy vey! A matzah ball would be good right now. Oy I am bitching like an old Jewish women after losing a bridge game.
Since jeff is the only one who reads my blogs, I just want to say that you are the best. You have this way of making me feel soooooo good and cheering me up when I'm down. You are understanding, attentive, and always know the right things to say. You are the most caring male I have ever met, seriously. Thank you for being all mine, I'm extremely lucky and I'm extremely happy to have you in my life. I'm really glad you are over there, interning, showing those people how smart you is, exploring another state and city. I can't explain it, but I just don't know any other way to be with you other than completely supportive and understanding. No matter how sad I may get that you aren't here at times, please remember that I wouldn't want you to be anywhere else right now and I have a really good feeling about how things are going to turn out-professionally and in our relationship. I have no doubt that we will be fine and that those Telltalers are going to be extremely impressed. I am impressed, that is for damn sure.
Are you blushing, hehe.
I am done, I bitched, became positive, and praised my boyfriend like I love to do for whatever reason (probably because he makes me feel incredibly happy).
For those of you that aren't Jeff and want to throw up, here's a bucket!
Melissa