shitty day
I had a shitty day today. I don't really know why. I feel depressed. I didn't accomplish anything today... not even getting off my lazy ass. I have this weird thing where I have to start diets on Sundays.. and if not Sunday, Monday the latest or I screw up the whole week. And my mom made her really good dip and I didn't finish my food from applebees so I decided I'd start tomorrow (Monday). Well the dip for some reason didn't taste as good as normal and I just felt like a fat ass after eating it. My mom made perogies and I didn't like what was in them. And the boneless chicken wings that I was waiting all day to eat, I found out that my mom and the asshole ate them. So now I'm gonna crave them until I eat them. I'm never gonna lose weight. Fuck! I just wanna scream fuck as loud as I can a billion times. It makes me feel better. Then Edwin hung up on me earlier as I was trying to ask him something. Then later he did it again as a joke that wasn't funny. Then I was talking to him and telling him what a bad mood I'm in and I felt like I just needed to talk and he said he was too tired to talk and that I should think of him. He's too tired to talk because of his stupid OP thing (Where guys go around shooting each other with bb guns... they find it fun). And he kept saying all these day dreams he keeps having about them. I don't remember him ever having a day dream about me. His airsoft guns and airsoft games and airsoft friends and video games are more important to him than me. I daydream about marrying him and he daydreams about shooting me probably... and he laughed AT me the other day when I told him something that I'd rather not say. And he has no memory which is so aggrivating. He would never forget about his precious OPs but he has forgotten about me plently of times. He called me stupid today. AND he keeps getting sent money from MCC. He got almost $4,000. It pissed me off because my mom doesn't really have a job. why does he get all that money? And he's just gonna waste it on airsoft and then if I wanna go out to dinner or something he'll tell me that he doesn't have money for it. I'm aggrivated because his parents are paying for his college. I have to pay for my own. I need that money so much more than him! FUCK. I hate my life. I was just telling my mom today: I was thinking. How is it possible that I'm so lucky at the same time as being so unlucky. I have almost anything I want. I get to live in a really big room and have my own bathroom (eventually if the douche mark ever finishes it.. thats a whole other story. it was supposed to be done last Thanksgiving). I don't have a job and don't think I need one... But at the same time, my mom and dad keep nagging me to get a job, they won't pay for car insurence (which most of my friends parents pay for theirs), I have to live with peter the ass hole and his whole shitty family, odetta whose old and is capable of stinking up the entire house other than my room thank goodness (and of course she does every day), and then peters three children who are 11 14 and 16 who all shit their pants. and their dirty and disgusting. And then I have to deal with the dogs smelling all the time and theyre not trained just like peters shitty kids aren't trained, so they shit and pee everywhere. I live in the basement so I feel like I'm in a dungon all the time so its driving me crazy, but I don't wanna leave it because of all the shit (literally) that's upstairs. MINGIA!
I had homework to do today and I was supposed to study for a music test that I have tomorrow. But I didn't do any of it because I didn't feel like it. I don't feel like doing anything. not sleeping or watching tv or listening to music. I guess I'm gonna go stair at the wall and get in a worse mood.
I had homework to do today and I was supposed to study for a music test that I have tomorrow. But I didn't do any of it because I didn't feel like it. I don't feel like doing anything. not sleeping or watching tv or listening to music. I guess I'm gonna go stair at the wall and get in a worse mood.