this is me being unhappy...don't like it don't read it
i have come to the conculsion that i don;t really write enough about my life for people to know whats going on unless they are here in mass with me so this leaves like one person who reads this. i have decided to repost the link on my AIm profile since i got a phone call this weekend from someone who said it was sad he didn't know what was up with me anymore. i am just gonna go through and friends only the days i want to keep from one person or another. ok back to the title i feel very unhappy today, things just aren't how I want them to be i thought i would be wicked excited when job corps oftered me a job that pays 38,000 plus but i don;t really feel that way. i do really like my apt but i miss monkey sleeping with me everynight. in other parts of my life i am just as sad but as i was thinking last night before i went to sleep i can't be upset with anyone other then me cuz its really bad when i don't know why things are how they are is it me? or is it people around me? i tend to lean toward it being me. but i feel i have been so screwed up by others in the pastor that i screwed myself up can i even know for sure what i want with anything. i know i have this wall thats there that makes me not always act or say how i really feel with friends or with others. so now with like three people i am unhappy with how things are and don't know what to do. if i just let things drift off to a bleak end i could in no way get hurt but i don't want to lose these freinds but i can't get caught up in the stuff i know will just hurt me. Ugh i am sure no on even understand what the hell i am tlaking about. i just want to tell eveyone how i really feel but that leaves me to open to get cut down and rejected but if i let things so go this way will i only go back to being the bitter mess i was before. i finally thought i was really doing better but when i layed down in my bes last night i started thinking about all the stuff thats going on with me this week and it just made me sad i feel adrift and alone. i feel like i don;t have anyone to really talk to and i really don;t like that yeah i know i could lways call someone from philly or i could call liz but no one knows about both places so no matter who i talk to they don;t get the bigger picture. i wish i knew what to do or even what was best for me. i just wish i knew how other people felt and i know i should just ask......