(no subject)
We went out last night with lots of friends to celebrate my 22nd birthday, which is coming up on Tuesday. It was a really good time, and I was so glad that everyone came. I was shocked at how many people came, really. Jodi and Blake, Shea and Bradley, Ellie, Chris, Chad and Jill, and Josh and Jessica. Danny and me, obviously. It was a really good time. :)
I went to bed last night feeling really strange and emotional, but I blamed it on being drunk and crazy. I woke up feeling the same way though. I only slept for about 4 hours before I had to get up with the baby, so I thought maybe that was the problem. I was able to squeeze in a 2 hour nap, but that didn't help either. I've just felt so crappy and I cannot stop thinking about the dumbest thing ever that Danny said last night. I don't know. I was babbling on and on asking him if he loves me and if he thinks I'm a good wife and mother. (IDK why I was talking this way). Anyway, I told him that I'm really trying hard to juggle everything and asked him if he thought I was doing okay. He said of course. Shortly after that, I mentioned that sometimes I just feel like I'm not doing a good job. He told me that it will come with time. WHAT IN THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN? I know, drunken moments. I really shouldn't even be thinking about this or letting it bother me. I'm just wondering now if maybe he did mean that and he's hoping that someday, I'll be a good wife and mother. I don't know. I am seriously fucking crazy sometimes.
I think that my birth control has me all messed up, because I always get this way during the last week of my pill pack. I'm always crazy hormonal and emotional and crazy. I seriously feel crazy. I told my doctor these things at my last appointment so she's putting me on a new pill starting at the beginning of December. I seriously really hope that helps. Because I'm going fucking crazy.
These crazy feelings always make me start thinking the same things. That Danny doesn't love me or that he's cheating on me. I know that he absolutely is not. I trust him. I love him. Besides, he would never have the time to cheat on me. But that's just what I convince myself that he's doing. Or that he's spending money on things that he shouldn't. He's not, but being crazy makes me analyze every single thing that he does and get mad over things that do not matter.
How am I so in love and happy with him for the first two weeks of the month, but those last two are just chaos? I don't know what could be wrong with me. I don't want to end up like my mother. I don't want to end up in divorce. I always convince myself that that's what's going to happen though.
I know I'm being crazy. I just needed to get it out so that now I can hopefully sleep peacefully and not be crazy all night long.
I went to bed last night feeling really strange and emotional, but I blamed it on being drunk and crazy. I woke up feeling the same way though. I only slept for about 4 hours before I had to get up with the baby, so I thought maybe that was the problem. I was able to squeeze in a 2 hour nap, but that didn't help either. I've just felt so crappy and I cannot stop thinking about the dumbest thing ever that Danny said last night. I don't know. I was babbling on and on asking him if he loves me and if he thinks I'm a good wife and mother. (IDK why I was talking this way). Anyway, I told him that I'm really trying hard to juggle everything and asked him if he thought I was doing okay. He said of course. Shortly after that, I mentioned that sometimes I just feel like I'm not doing a good job. He told me that it will come with time. WHAT IN THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN? I know, drunken moments. I really shouldn't even be thinking about this or letting it bother me. I'm just wondering now if maybe he did mean that and he's hoping that someday, I'll be a good wife and mother. I don't know. I am seriously fucking crazy sometimes.
I think that my birth control has me all messed up, because I always get this way during the last week of my pill pack. I'm always crazy hormonal and emotional and crazy. I seriously feel crazy. I told my doctor these things at my last appointment so she's putting me on a new pill starting at the beginning of December. I seriously really hope that helps. Because I'm going fucking crazy.
These crazy feelings always make me start thinking the same things. That Danny doesn't love me or that he's cheating on me. I know that he absolutely is not. I trust him. I love him. Besides, he would never have the time to cheat on me. But that's just what I convince myself that he's doing. Or that he's spending money on things that he shouldn't. He's not, but being crazy makes me analyze every single thing that he does and get mad over things that do not matter.
How am I so in love and happy with him for the first two weeks of the month, but those last two are just chaos? I don't know what could be wrong with me. I don't want to end up like my mother. I don't want to end up in divorce. I always convince myself that that's what's going to happen though.
I know I'm being crazy. I just needed to get it out so that now I can hopefully sleep peacefully and not be crazy all night long.