I'm Worthless
god, how i wish i was dead right now. well, tyler's b-day was ruined. we went bowling and i kinda just followed jess around instead of staying with him. it was his b-day after all, i should have stayed there with him.
so yeah, the whole reason we went bowling was because jess couldn't go to the movies, which tyler and i had planned to do since a month ago, just me and him. but i decided jess kinda would have felt left out, 'cause i sometimes can be a little one-sided when it comes to people. just, i stick to one person, and follow them around. i hate that. i wish i could change. i wish i was a leader instead of the shy follower i am.
but yeah, so we went back to my house and all that he did was play basketball with some of his other friends. i kinda felt a little left out, but it was his birtday, so i let it go. plus he did kiss me in between when he was shooting. so, i guess i didn't feel that left out.
but in the car, driving to my house. he started crying, right in front of my dad and all his friends. he cried because it would be the last birthday that i was gonna spend with him, which is true. 'cause i'm movin' to arizona at the end of the year. and he cried because he wished it would have been better and how it was all his fault. which wasn't true. it's, he cried for me.
and now, tonight, he's gonna go to the movies to see boogeyman. which we were planning on going to see. and his excuse was that it wouldn't be in theaters next week. wtf? so, i'm just getting suspiscious about all of this. well, may be it's because i'm paranoid. no really, i'm clinicly paranoid. i have to go see a counselor and everything for it. i think it's paranoia and depression mixed together.
so yeah, i just feel like shit right now. and just feel like i'm nothing.
so yeah, the whole reason we went bowling was because jess couldn't go to the movies, which tyler and i had planned to do since a month ago, just me and him. but i decided jess kinda would have felt left out, 'cause i sometimes can be a little one-sided when it comes to people. just, i stick to one person, and follow them around. i hate that. i wish i could change. i wish i was a leader instead of the shy follower i am.
but yeah, so we went back to my house and all that he did was play basketball with some of his other friends. i kinda felt a little left out, but it was his birtday, so i let it go. plus he did kiss me in between when he was shooting. so, i guess i didn't feel that left out.
but in the car, driving to my house. he started crying, right in front of my dad and all his friends. he cried because it would be the last birthday that i was gonna spend with him, which is true. 'cause i'm movin' to arizona at the end of the year. and he cried because he wished it would have been better and how it was all his fault. which wasn't true. it's, he cried for me.
and now, tonight, he's gonna go to the movies to see boogeyman. which we were planning on going to see. and his excuse was that it wouldn't be in theaters next week. wtf? so, i'm just getting suspiscious about all of this. well, may be it's because i'm paranoid. no really, i'm clinicly paranoid. i have to go see a counselor and everything for it. i think it's paranoia and depression mixed together.
so yeah, i just feel like shit right now. and just feel like i'm nothing.