Tsura, hear me
I had the most interesting conversation with a friend of mine, or now, someone I believed to be my friend. It all stems from some drama that took place during the week before New Year’s. My best friend, Tsura, was having his boyfriend, Chris, visiting for the week. I was jealous, and a bit concerned, with the way that Chris was acting about Tsura, being possessive and all. I called them on a few occasions, and on two of them, we had some arguments, which ruined two days of their vacation, which I was sorry I did, since it was not my intention.
However, a few days after Chris left, I had a talk with him, in which I displayed my concerns over what he was doing. In fact, the things he said then, and now, confirmed what I believed. He was taking Tsura away, and he didn’t want to share Tsura, in any sense, with anyone else. He wants Tsura all to himself. I know they are in a monogamous relationship, but he didn’t even want me to be Tsura’s friend. This argument dragged on and on, and finally, the build-up of emotion, mostly negative, and frustration, caused me to crack.
I had a nervous breakdown.
Believe me, it was not pleasant. It was the most terrifying and shattering thing to happen to me. So many things poured out of me: laughter, sobbing, ecstatic happiness, despair, and rage. It was not fun, not fun at all. However, what came next, lead me to write this right now. Chris attempted to “diagnose” me (He says he has degrees in psychology, and that he knows what I’m talking about) with something he called: neumatic anger. To be honest, I’m not even sure if that is how it’s even spelled.
However, what he told me of this disorder, was that it was, in essence, a multi-stage disorder which results in the explosive release of rage and hatred, which could turn even the meekest into a raving, murdering lunatic. I was told that I needed professional help. And to be honest, I considered the possibility that I could be sick. But then, it happened. A few days later, Tsura and Chris stopped calling me altogether. I could not reach Tsura, and Chris stopped contacting me. I was worried sick. It was then, that I caught Chris online, and told me:
Tsura had found out what had happened, and they had come to the consensus that I was a threat to them, and that they were “forced” to shun me. They told me to seek help, but that we were no longer friends anymore, and that I’d never see them again. He even told me, and said he could prove it with an IM screenshot, that Tsura suggested putting a hit out on me. They were both unwilling to accept that what happened to me might simply be a nervous breakdown. Tsura, according to Chris, refused to even let me say goodbye to him.
After I got off the phone, I immediately went, and called several friends of mine up. There was something fishy about the entire thing, and I had to find out what it was. And indeed, I did. After having three people look up this supposed disorder, they all came to the exact same conclusion, not aware that the others I’d called have found out the same thing:
This “disorder” I had somehow contracted in a single night, DOES NOT EVEN EXIST.
That’s right, there’s no such thing as this anger that I have. Chris even tried to use Charles Manson as an example, stating that the man himself had this disorder. That was what made me suspicious. Also, I did my own research, and came to the same result. This problem never existed. Even my family counselor, with a PH.D in psychology, actually laughed when she heard the word. She immediately told me to disregard that. I had a nervous breakdown, the result of building anxiety and worry, coupled with my tendency to become extremely defensive, and my ADD, which lead to a rather magnified case of a nervous break down.
I was both exhilarated, and extremely annoyed. Exhilarated that I was not mentally unstable, and annoyed, that Chris had gone to such lengths to concoct this story, and actually manipulate me into believing it. They even supposedly told their parents/grandparents, and are in the process of getting a restraining order, using the tape of my nervous breakdown as probable cause.
Tsura, I am willing to forgive. Chris seems to be paranoid, possessive, and extremely manipulative. He seems to only think about himself in these matters. I am willing to believe, that Tsura was manipulated so completely, that he believes Chris because Chris made it seem quite true. However, Chris himself, I cannot forgive. This is going too far, and crossing all too many lines for my taste. Chris had better get that restraining order, because if I ever find him, I might hurt him.
I won’t kill him that’s for sure. I won’t give him the satisfaction of proving him right about me. But he doesn’t deserve any pity for going to such lengths, to try and destroy me. I was told, that I should wait a week or so and let this blow over. However, knowing them, while they may not talk to me, if they see me getting close to people, they might attempt to manipulate those people, into believing that I am indeed, sick.
Also, I want Tsura, to see the truth. It seemed odd, given how forceful of a person he is, that he would even not talk to me anymore, though he told me that, not matter what happened, he’d help me. If he is indeed my friend, then this behavior is uncharacteristic of ANY friend.
This is not my opinion. Chris seems to think that my case is merely an opinion, and his holds more weight than mine. Well guess what, I now have FACTS which show that you’re wrong, and that what you’re doing is also wrong. Actually, I’m not all that mad at Chris, though I just stated otherwise. He’s alone, and desperate to be happy. I could imagine, given what’s happened to him, given how he is now, that he might go to this length to ensure his happiness. However, the fact that he was willing to destroy me, as a person, to shatter me emotionally, to manipulate me so, is far beyond what anyone would normally do.
Friends don’t do this to friends. I am still sore tempted, to do something, anything, to ruin either of them for this betrayal. And believe me, I could have it done. They thing they’re safe, but they’re not. However, I will not lower myself to either of their levels, by reducing to getting petty revenge. That may be what they do, not, what I do.
Still, given the fact that one or both of them will try to spread the word about my “sickness”, I cannot allow them to try and do me any more damage to me or those I know. I am stating the truth as it is. If you want names, if you don’t believe I had people look up this “illness”, look it up yourself. You will see what I found.
Tsura, I understand that you’re upset and concerned. But can you, Jeff, Jeremiah, Mirati, Naraje, Jonas, Mira, and Kata, all unanimously believe that I am actually sick? Especially Naraje, you and Jeremiah, whom I know the best. Do you ACTUALLY think I’m as sick as Charles Manson? How can you even compare me to him? I’ve been on the phone when you’ve had numerous breakdowns. I would think you’d know from experience, what really happened to me.
I still consider you my friend, and I’m willing to forgive you. I can’t say the same for Chris. Maybe in time, I can understand why he did this, and work to forgive him as well. I am an understanding, and kind person. The fact that I’m even saying I might give Chris a second chance should prove that. You know what it’s like to be manipulated. I’m not asking that you hate Chris, or that you completely disregard him. But as my closest friend, as someone who has helped through a lot, give me the benefit of the doubt.
I talked to Wraith, Kameron, Kimaru, Rick, and Armania about this. They all agreed I am not sick. Kim, Army, and Kameron looked up this supposed illness to find it doesn’t exist. I know you don’t like Kim, but you know Kameron and Army. If their searching could not find this sickness, you should consider, regardless of Chris’ supposed experience, that he is wrong.
Kameron himself has knowledge and experience in psychology. Perhaps not as much as Chris, but enough to know that this anger disorder doesn’t exist. Hell, we tried spelling the word many ways, and the most we got, as an erectial disorder. We also got chainsaws, hydralics, and hot air/gases.
I think you owe it to me, to not simply take what Chris says at face value, regardless of the “facts” he may have given to you. I know you, you’re not one to let one person’s opinion influence you. I know that it’s Chris, but I think you should stick to your own philosophy. I’m only asking you to try. If you look up all this information, and still believe Chris, I will respect your decision. I won’t like it, but I’ll respect it.
I still wanted to be in those forum rps with you, and I wanted to do that furry novel. I don’t want to give up on those plans, and I don’t think you do either. Please trust me. I haven’t betrayed your trust, I’ve listened to what you have to say about things. So I think you should listen to me. You’ve had numerous strange things happen to you. And I’ve stuck with you through them all. I’m asking that you do the same for me. Friends would never abandon friends, especially when those friends need their friends support, comfort, and help.
I would never, ever abandon you. You know that to be true.
However, a few days after Chris left, I had a talk with him, in which I displayed my concerns over what he was doing. In fact, the things he said then, and now, confirmed what I believed. He was taking Tsura away, and he didn’t want to share Tsura, in any sense, with anyone else. He wants Tsura all to himself. I know they are in a monogamous relationship, but he didn’t even want me to be Tsura’s friend. This argument dragged on and on, and finally, the build-up of emotion, mostly negative, and frustration, caused me to crack.
I had a nervous breakdown.
Believe me, it was not pleasant. It was the most terrifying and shattering thing to happen to me. So many things poured out of me: laughter, sobbing, ecstatic happiness, despair, and rage. It was not fun, not fun at all. However, what came next, lead me to write this right now. Chris attempted to “diagnose” me (He says he has degrees in psychology, and that he knows what I’m talking about) with something he called: neumatic anger. To be honest, I’m not even sure if that is how it’s even spelled.
However, what he told me of this disorder, was that it was, in essence, a multi-stage disorder which results in the explosive release of rage and hatred, which could turn even the meekest into a raving, murdering lunatic. I was told that I needed professional help. And to be honest, I considered the possibility that I could be sick. But then, it happened. A few days later, Tsura and Chris stopped calling me altogether. I could not reach Tsura, and Chris stopped contacting me. I was worried sick. It was then, that I caught Chris online, and told me:
Tsura had found out what had happened, and they had come to the consensus that I was a threat to them, and that they were “forced” to shun me. They told me to seek help, but that we were no longer friends anymore, and that I’d never see them again. He even told me, and said he could prove it with an IM screenshot, that Tsura suggested putting a hit out on me. They were both unwilling to accept that what happened to me might simply be a nervous breakdown. Tsura, according to Chris, refused to even let me say goodbye to him.
After I got off the phone, I immediately went, and called several friends of mine up. There was something fishy about the entire thing, and I had to find out what it was. And indeed, I did. After having three people look up this supposed disorder, they all came to the exact same conclusion, not aware that the others I’d called have found out the same thing:
This “disorder” I had somehow contracted in a single night, DOES NOT EVEN EXIST.
That’s right, there’s no such thing as this anger that I have. Chris even tried to use Charles Manson as an example, stating that the man himself had this disorder. That was what made me suspicious. Also, I did my own research, and came to the same result. This problem never existed. Even my family counselor, with a PH.D in psychology, actually laughed when she heard the word. She immediately told me to disregard that. I had a nervous breakdown, the result of building anxiety and worry, coupled with my tendency to become extremely defensive, and my ADD, which lead to a rather magnified case of a nervous break down.
I was both exhilarated, and extremely annoyed. Exhilarated that I was not mentally unstable, and annoyed, that Chris had gone to such lengths to concoct this story, and actually manipulate me into believing it. They even supposedly told their parents/grandparents, and are in the process of getting a restraining order, using the tape of my nervous breakdown as probable cause.
Tsura, I am willing to forgive. Chris seems to be paranoid, possessive, and extremely manipulative. He seems to only think about himself in these matters. I am willing to believe, that Tsura was manipulated so completely, that he believes Chris because Chris made it seem quite true. However, Chris himself, I cannot forgive. This is going too far, and crossing all too many lines for my taste. Chris had better get that restraining order, because if I ever find him, I might hurt him.
I won’t kill him that’s for sure. I won’t give him the satisfaction of proving him right about me. But he doesn’t deserve any pity for going to such lengths, to try and destroy me. I was told, that I should wait a week or so and let this blow over. However, knowing them, while they may not talk to me, if they see me getting close to people, they might attempt to manipulate those people, into believing that I am indeed, sick.
Also, I want Tsura, to see the truth. It seemed odd, given how forceful of a person he is, that he would even not talk to me anymore, though he told me that, not matter what happened, he’d help me. If he is indeed my friend, then this behavior is uncharacteristic of ANY friend.
This is not my opinion. Chris seems to think that my case is merely an opinion, and his holds more weight than mine. Well guess what, I now have FACTS which show that you’re wrong, and that what you’re doing is also wrong. Actually, I’m not all that mad at Chris, though I just stated otherwise. He’s alone, and desperate to be happy. I could imagine, given what’s happened to him, given how he is now, that he might go to this length to ensure his happiness. However, the fact that he was willing to destroy me, as a person, to shatter me emotionally, to manipulate me so, is far beyond what anyone would normally do.
Friends don’t do this to friends. I am still sore tempted, to do something, anything, to ruin either of them for this betrayal. And believe me, I could have it done. They thing they’re safe, but they’re not. However, I will not lower myself to either of their levels, by reducing to getting petty revenge. That may be what they do, not, what I do.
Still, given the fact that one or both of them will try to spread the word about my “sickness”, I cannot allow them to try and do me any more damage to me or those I know. I am stating the truth as it is. If you want names, if you don’t believe I had people look up this “illness”, look it up yourself. You will see what I found.
Tsura, I understand that you’re upset and concerned. But can you, Jeff, Jeremiah, Mirati, Naraje, Jonas, Mira, and Kata, all unanimously believe that I am actually sick? Especially Naraje, you and Jeremiah, whom I know the best. Do you ACTUALLY think I’m as sick as Charles Manson? How can you even compare me to him? I’ve been on the phone when you’ve had numerous breakdowns. I would think you’d know from experience, what really happened to me.
I still consider you my friend, and I’m willing to forgive you. I can’t say the same for Chris. Maybe in time, I can understand why he did this, and work to forgive him as well. I am an understanding, and kind person. The fact that I’m even saying I might give Chris a second chance should prove that. You know what it’s like to be manipulated. I’m not asking that you hate Chris, or that you completely disregard him. But as my closest friend, as someone who has helped through a lot, give me the benefit of the doubt.
I talked to Wraith, Kameron, Kimaru, Rick, and Armania about this. They all agreed I am not sick. Kim, Army, and Kameron looked up this supposed illness to find it doesn’t exist. I know you don’t like Kim, but you know Kameron and Army. If their searching could not find this sickness, you should consider, regardless of Chris’ supposed experience, that he is wrong.
Kameron himself has knowledge and experience in psychology. Perhaps not as much as Chris, but enough to know that this anger disorder doesn’t exist. Hell, we tried spelling the word many ways, and the most we got, as an erectial disorder. We also got chainsaws, hydralics, and hot air/gases.
I think you owe it to me, to not simply take what Chris says at face value, regardless of the “facts” he may have given to you. I know you, you’re not one to let one person’s opinion influence you. I know that it’s Chris, but I think you should stick to your own philosophy. I’m only asking you to try. If you look up all this information, and still believe Chris, I will respect your decision. I won’t like it, but I’ll respect it.
I still wanted to be in those forum rps with you, and I wanted to do that furry novel. I don’t want to give up on those plans, and I don’t think you do either. Please trust me. I haven’t betrayed your trust, I’ve listened to what you have to say about things. So I think you should listen to me. You’ve had numerous strange things happen to you. And I’ve stuck with you through them all. I’m asking that you do the same for me. Friends would never abandon friends, especially when those friends need their friends support, comfort, and help.
I would never, ever abandon you. You know that to be true.