i hate this
dear journal,
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
i'm probably in the worst mood of my life
it's almost depression, and it's scaring the shit out of me.
i binge ate yesterday and tried to forget about it...but it happened again today. for breakfast i had two biscottis, bowl of cereal, 1 1/2 slice of cheesecake, a banana, and a whole wheat slice of bread with peanut butter. drank 2 cups of water and 3 hours later i had a salad. i sat on my ass watching youtube videos and making everything worst, mom notices and i feel sad. THAT'S A SHOCKER. so i have a mini box of fiber 1 and cheerios. and a fruit snacks package. it's stress. it's this sick pit that i love putting myself into. i want attention, i'm a little attention whore. so pathetic. okay okay STOPPPDSF;AJLS DF
there's no need to beat myself up, here. so i gained so weight, big deal. i'm so lucky that i'm not obese or anorexic. i realize that i have a problem. but i can overcome it just like anything else. it's like some challenging math problem that i can conquer with some positive thinking. i understand how mood swings are normal for any teenager. i just want to sleep and forget about everything and wake up skinny. i want to jump in the poool and swim for 100 hours but it's too cold. i wish i could turn back time. it's okay, the past is the past. i accept how much i ate. i don't approve, but i acknowledge and accept. i can go on. this disorder does not control my life. food does not control my life. i have a family to belong too and work to do. i'm a busy, busy girl with a great and blessed life. God loves me anyway. I'm loved. it's okay. Don't be sad, you're so beautiful and are loved by many. I'm sure my family does not like to see me like this, right? Do it for them. Get better for yourself and for everyone around you. It's a win win situation. Dancing and swimming and running are so much more fun than pigging out and watching tv, right? How enriching it is! It's never too late, Melanie. You can start anew. I love you.
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
i'm probably in the worst mood of my life
it's almost depression, and it's scaring the shit out of me.
i binge ate yesterday and tried to forget about it...but it happened again today. for breakfast i had two biscottis, bowl of cereal, 1 1/2 slice of cheesecake, a banana, and a whole wheat slice of bread with peanut butter. drank 2 cups of water and 3 hours later i had a salad. i sat on my ass watching youtube videos and making everything worst, mom notices and i feel sad. THAT'S A SHOCKER. so i have a mini box of fiber 1 and cheerios. and a fruit snacks package. it's stress. it's this sick pit that i love putting myself into. i want attention, i'm a little attention whore. so pathetic. okay okay STOPPPDSF;AJLS DF
there's no need to beat myself up, here. so i gained so weight, big deal. i'm so lucky that i'm not obese or anorexic. i realize that i have a problem. but i can overcome it just like anything else. it's like some challenging math problem that i can conquer with some positive thinking. i understand how mood swings are normal for any teenager. i just want to sleep and forget about everything and wake up skinny. i want to jump in the poool and swim for 100 hours but it's too cold. i wish i could turn back time. it's okay, the past is the past. i accept how much i ate. i don't approve, but i acknowledge and accept. i can go on. this disorder does not control my life. food does not control my life. i have a family to belong too and work to do. i'm a busy, busy girl with a great and blessed life. God loves me anyway. I'm loved. it's okay. Don't be sad, you're so beautiful and are loved by many. I'm sure my family does not like to see me like this, right? Do it for them. Get better for yourself and for everyone around you. It's a win win situation. Dancing and swimming and running are so much more fun than pigging out and watching tv, right? How enriching it is! It's never too late, Melanie. You can start anew. I love you.