Meme (presumably) from the bowels of my computer. I ran across it...SOMEWHERE...about a year ago.
God only knows where I initially found this thing, but it's been in My Documents for a year now.
When were you happiest?
You want a date? Probably 29 June 2004 (my first non-jet-lag day in Ireland). Although the first time I heard Vaughan Williams comes a close second.
What is your greatest fear?
Physically: needles. Emotionally: people I love having bad things happen to them.
What is your earliest memory?
Being promenaded around my uncle's dining room to Benny Goodman records from the Hoover administration. I was about ten months old at the time.
Which living person do you most admire and why?
I have a depressing tendency to hero-worship people based on their work and later find out that they're actually disgusting people (Lalla Ward and H.P. Lovecraft are the most recent examples). Most of the people whom I still admire are dead. But Umberto Eco and Alister McGrath are quite nifty.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
I am actually steeped in self-loathing for a variety of reasons, and this itself is the thing about me that I hate the most.
What was your most embarrassing moment?
My second kiss. Followed closely by my first.
What is your most treasured possession?
I am a packrat by nature, but I'm even more possessive of my Shakespeare folios and other antique books than I am of most things.
Where would you like to live?
Somewhere in rural England; or, failing that, Jamaica.
What would your superpower be?
The ability to manipulate semiotic truths and probability mechanisms (a.k.a. reality warping; kind of all-in-one, that is).
What makes you depressed?
The knowledge that somewhere, somehow, somebody is getting screwed over by some amoral bastard with skull tattoos and a helmet that says 'Blackwater.' Actually, living in America in general is pretty harrowing for me.
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
I have bad skin, am a lot taller than I'd like to be, and am very skinny.
Who would play you in a film of your life?
Fuck, who knows? If I was several decades older, John Hodgman might do a good job, but he's a little too short. And well-adjusted.
What is your most unappealing habit?
Pedantic tangents. I also bite my nails, but not as much.
What is your favourite smell?
Cow manure. What can I say, I'm from Vermont! It makes me think of spring, new life, and all those sorts of things.
What is your favourite book?
Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke, followed by The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov and anything by T.S. Eliot.
What is the worst thing anyone's said to you?
And I quote:
'Nathan, you're a bastard. I hate everything about you. You're a pedantic know-it-all, you're a wishy-washy liberal jackass, you have no respect for authority, you question things too much! You're way too bored with everything and you're all melancholy all the time and you probably go home and slash your wrists every night. Roll up your--roll up your sleeve! God, and, and you use these big words because you're pathetic and empty and need to mask the fact that you don't have anything to say. Get the fuck out. OUT!'
Then I broke up with her.
What is your guiltiest pleasure?
...No comment. Although my tendency to surreptitiously watch various anime after soundly condemning the whole medium to my friends probably counts.
What do you owe your parents?
I owe my damned deadbeat absent father absolutely nothing. I owe my mother, my godfather, and my 'grandfather' (my godfather's father) absolutely everything.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Books.
To whom would you most like to say sorry and why?
I apologise to people whenever I wrong them, so I don't have any sorries that I haven't already said.
What was the best kiss of your life?
I have never had a good kiss. I know, it's pathetic.
Have you ever said 'I love you' without meaning it?
No. I don't take that lightly.
Which living person do you most despise?
Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, Pat Robertson, Than Shwe, Omar al-Bashir, the guy who broke my knee that one time, the girl who said the above Worst Thing to me, the cheap education director who screwed up my childhood, and my father.
Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?
Right...
The Doctor, Romana, C.S. Lewis, Mikhail Bulgakov (as long as he promised not to smoke), Aang, Katara, Mai, Zuko, Toph, Sokka, Martha Jones, Donna Noble, Ace, Ianandbarbara, K9, Umberto Eco, Angela Carter, J.R.R. Tolkien (as long as he promised not to fight with Sayers), Dorothy L. Sayers (as long as she promised not to fight with Tolkien), Brian Jacques (favourite author of my childhood!), Susanna Clarke (favourite author of the now!), T.S. Eliot, Robert Burns, Jalaluddin Rumi, Keith Ward, Alister McGrath, John Hodgman, St Francis, St Dymphna, Jesus, Gautama Buddha, the prophet Daniel, my friendslist, my real-life friends, and my family.
What is the worst job you've done?
Cleaning all of the pipes of a toilet. By hand.
What has been your biggest disappointment?
Too many to list.
If you could edit your past, what would you change?
Nothing, because I like where I am now and the butterfly effect scares the living shit out of me.
When did you last cry and why?
Rereading the last paragraph of the Akallabeth by Tolkien:
Tales and rumours arose along the shores of the sea concerning mariners and men forlorn upon the water who, by some fate or grace or favour of the Valar, had entered in upon the Straight Way and seen the face of the world sink below them, and so had come to the lamplit quays of Avallónë, or verily to the last beaches on the margin of Aman, and there had looked upon the White Mountain, dreadful and beautiful, before they died.
Never fails to get a sniffle, because I'm a huge nerd. And geek. And dork. And yes, they mean slightly different things. But I really am all three.
How often do you have sex?
What is this 'sex'?
What is the closest you've come to death?
Funny story. I have an inordinate fascination with murder, execution, and suicide (purely intellectual!). Once I planned suicide as a thought experiment, but with no intention of carrying it out. I didn't write anything down, though, because I wouldn't want to alarm my loved ones without reason.
Also, I nearly fell off the Cliffs of Moher once.
What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
For my blasted leg to stop aching! (see also 'What living person do you most despise?')
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Translating Sappho without using an existing translation as a cheat sheet:
A fair maiden I saw
Plucking flowers
More sweet to hear than the harp
Golden beyond gold.
...and so on.
Where would you most like to be right now?
Hillfield Friary in Dorset. It seems quite idyllic.